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A note

2010-06-12T17:41:00.000+03:00

This page is closed, however I will continue blogging in English and Arabic on my new space: http://lastoadri.com/blog

Thanks to change RSS feed to: http://feeds.feedburner.com/lastoadri

You'll be redirected shortly..
Todeloo!

A note..

2010-02-13T01:22:00.000+02:00

I decided to close this blog, however will continue blogging in English and Arabic on my new space: http://lastoadri.com/blog

My RSS feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/lastoadri

You'll be redirected shortly..
Todeloo!

It takes two to Tango..

2009-11-13T13:55:00.002+02:00

One of the reasons why I love music is that I can easily teleport myself somewhere else. These days Marcel Khalifeh is doing great job, he is helping me to escape...
I’m now in Paris, dancing in the streets on his "Tango", over a bridge may be alone... mm... No.
But that's a new story..

It’s autumn again

2009-11-11T14:28:00.000+02:00

It’s sad. I’ve never felt as lonely as these days.
Myself has been always a good company, thanks for that my friend.. But I need someone else. Someone I can weep on his/her shoulder or hush me till I sleep..
I really need to sleep and then wake up in a green garden with small red flowers, white doves, and a wide blue sky..

Can you afford me a hug as wide as the sky, as warm as the sea and as comfortable as my favorite music?..

As simple as that

2009-10-12T00:09:00.001+02:00

I think I've screwed things up..

Because I can no longer focus on what I'm working on..

Bohemian Rhapsody

2009-10-04T22:33:00.000+02:00

Sometimes, like today, I open a word file in front of me and stare at the white page with a blank feeling that I want to translate into words, and of course I fail.

I’ve been asked if I’m stopping my blogging activity, and I am not. I am not stopping because my activity decided to stop on its own. Words do escape, seem so repetitive and boring; like increasing hollow black spaces on a white paper.

Yesterday was my first time to use a pen and paper for inspiration, and listen to radio in many years. Mmm.. Remember when we used to say, it’s been days, then months, now it’s years, such an easy way to put it. It’s been years. Hell yeah! It’s been years! And other years expected to come? I wonder how hollow these will be.

Yesterday I also discovered that I don’t have any rituals that cheer me up. Not a favorite place or favorite voice I’d like to listen to when I’m down. In fact, when I’m down I’d like to be left alone. I don’t want to talk or hear anybody’s voice, or see or know about anybody. Tell me, how many times do I have to say I hate pictures so pictures would leave me alone?.. how many time I need to say I hate life and living, so life would forget me finally?

Am I trapped?

Trapped in fear of going somewhere of no return or staying where I am where no way forward?

@Serag told me yesterday, we will always be trapped somewhere even in our own imaginations. True. But what if you don’t have imagination to be trapped to?

What should you do when you understand suddenly that the sky is just void, not a dream to go up to. When you finally realize you can’t really fly because of your weight and gravity and you can’t really dance because it is haram. Tell me, what should I do when I know I can’t really live a life I want because that’s the way it’s meant to be. Living miserable inside, no matter how I tried to cheer myself up, because I don’t have my own rituals, and I don’t have favorite place, song, or person. What should I do now, when I’m begging myself to feel better.. and left with a blank feeling in front of an empty paper?

Everything and everyone will soon disappear and go away, os why bother?

Why linger to a dying hope? And empty promises?

Sometimes like yesterday, when I stare at my empty page I wonder, what is the meaning of life?.. what’s the wisdom behind the fact that everything will end, die or disappear at the end?.. What is the trick that makes everything look not the way they really are?..

“There is no spoon” my friend.. though you might be the one who did create that one..

Sometimes, sometimes like yesterday I dream of escaping, to start somewhere new away from the blank page. And so I try to look for another blank page that might be inspiring this time.. but trapped to the fact.. it will be a similar, if not identical, one..

On online friends

2009-09-14T00:00:00.003+02:00

I was curious today to check my old email on gtalk. To my surprise, I found people who no longer show on my new email are online.
I made sure to ask about these 2 people few days ago to check if they are alright.. sent one a Twitter msg and the other facebook msg.. both of them replied that theyare busy these days and do not log online anymore..
It happens.. it surely happens all the time with anyone of us..
But what doesn't happen, is to be online on one account, and offline on the other :)

Sometimes I prefer to act as stupid and show as if I didn't understand whats going on.. "Ah, it surely is a technical problem".. it surely is.. for I would prefer to believe that online friends are no better.. instead of just believing I am a boring person, who will die one day out of depression..

My quote of today

2009-08-21T02:38:00.001+02:00

"To realize that everything is meaningless is tremendously liberating, since it then leaves us completely free to create our own lives and ignore the plans that others have for us."
How to be free -- Tom Hodgkinson

Uninvited..

2009-08-16T18:37:00.003+03:00

Its kind of very frustrating because I am a 24 year old girl who can not decide when she wants to travel and where.. and I'm afraid I can't really think of my chances to study abroad any more..

I have high hopes and dreams.. I want to live many experiences.. but really locked up with such damn eastern traditions ... I want to REVOLT!

2009-06-30T10:30:00.000+03:00

Yesterday..
It hurts..

An important note

2009-06-29T09:56:00.000+03:00

I'm busy, that’s why I don't write... And I no longer like this place as before.
I no longer like the fact that people I know in real life reads here.
I'm not closing this blog, but I'll start as new and anonymous somewhere else..

It's one big mistake when you introduce people in your real life, to your private corner..
Never ever do this mistake.. Take my advice.

#CairoSpeech history

2009-06-04T16:18:00.004+03:00

A brief history about how the hashtag #CairoSpeech made it up to Twitter's trending topic during Obama's speech in Cairo.
A story how the whole thing started 2 days before ;)

Lastoadri Lets us the hashtag #OinCai , to live blog and comment on Obama's speech in Cairo. What do you think Tweeters?! 02 Jun 2009 from web

Kawdess @Lastoadri I think it's not clear enough. Maybe a simple #CairoSpeech? 02 Jun 2009 from web in reply to Lastoadri

Lastoadri Lets use the hashtag #CairoSpeech for anything concerning Obama's speech in Cairo, next Thursday.. 02 Jun 2009 from web

-- this quote was brought to you by quoteurl

PS: I adore the butterfly effect ;)

http://twitter.com/Lastoadri/status/2001379652

http://twitter.com/Kawdess/status/2001398394

http://twitter.com/Lastoadri/status/2001502123

On my To-do list

2009-05-31T22:14:00.002+03:00

- I haven't been productive enough this weekend. I haven't done many of the things I planned to..
- No problem, Don't make a long to-do list next time.
- oh?!
- We are usually too optimistic. So lets make it one thing at a time: changing the world at 10:00 am

New lessons added

2009-05-29T23:04:00.002+03:00

Last two days I learned 3 lessons:

1. If you want something done, do it yourself.
2. Never cross post ideas..
3. To gain your manager's affliction.. Market yourself well!

GTD

2009-04-19T11:43:00.000+02:00

Books I'm currently reading and need to finish in order:

1- What is survey
2- How to be free
3- Animal farm
4- History of women's movement in Egypt
5- Heret muslima
6- How to be a journalist
7- Arab media

Don't watch it, read it

2009-04-16T22:26:00.004+02:00

So I've finally watched "PS I love you" after strong recommendations by friends and promises to see the best movie ever after.. To cut it short, I was disappointed.

Few months ago I finished reading the novel. Exactly couple of weeks after the last book fair. I went there with one of my office colleagues and once she laid eyes on the cover - I found her screaming all the round place (aka Soor El Azbakya), because she finally found her most favorite novel. I followed her passion and borrowed the book.

It was good. At least it wasn't bad. It was not perfect. May be a little bit over good? two little bits over good? nay.. three or four...?
It was good enough to take me out of this world for few hours..

Today I watched the movie by chance, and I thanked God I'm still sticking to my rule.
No to watching a movie before reading its book first (except for boring ones)..
The movie can't be even compared to the original script. There is something about books! The villa I drew in my mind is much better than the ugly flat she was living in. Her friends were much better.. she was more prettier... and well.. I can't really talk these days, but that concludes it all.. The movie is a fail compared to the book..

My To-do

2009-04-01T13:06:00.002+02:00

So, I decided to take few days off from work. I've been running in loops for quite a while now.
Work Work Work.. Activities Activities Activities.. then few mins left for sleeping.. That's my present life.

No complains.. at least I'm busy doing something, better than busy not doing something, or not busy at all.. LOL!
Still I have my dreams I'm chasing. And I'll never rest till I have my feet firmly to the ground..

Organizing and days off, here you are my to-do list:

1. Finish the list for my books.
2. ~~Email O and W about the survey.~~
3. Finish writing the advertisement
4. Go to the dentist
5. Finish reading 3 books: Animal farm, ~~Alexandria/Beirut~~, History of women's movement in Egypt, ~~koshary Masr~~
6. ~~Write 2 articles on GVO for the preparations and the day~~
7. ~~Formate the PC and install Linux~~
8. mm.. will get to it later

That’s enough for now.. oh.. and SLEEEEEP .. full stop.

Quick note

2009-03-11T22:05:00.003+02:00

Two days ago I was down, totally down. Today I am good. And apparently I am because of my last decision to take a day off. isA I'll join my friends in a trip for the first time in may be three years, since Luxor and Aswan..
I can't believe that roughly two years already passed since my graduation.Llike a dream?.. no, but even faster..

I am happy I'll join them. I am really really happy and enthusiastic, as if life started smiling..
la la laaaa.. Can't wait to see the sea.. can't wait to click my camera and practice photography .. can't wait to unplug life.. can't wait to smell fresh air.. can't wait to fill in my ipod.. can't wait to laugh.. can't just wait.. and wish Saturday would never end :)

Mood singing in a Lala Land:

البحر دا مش مية أو موجة فوق صخرة
البحر دا أغنية بسمعها ميت مرة
من تانى بتوحشنى.. البحر بيخطفنى

My up's and down's

2009-03-09T15:35:00.001+02:00

Though I have work today, I’ve slept yesterday at 4 am. I was tried, but I couldn’t sleep. My mind is occupied, my time is occupied.. my every inch is occupied. Tired.. exhausted.. running after something, and I’m not sure if I’ll reach it.. I’m not sure if its OK to run in that direction..
No guide, no light.. no previous experience to judge based upon
God!.. why is it so hard to think sometimes..
I want to let it all out and be free.. really free.. why can’t we feel freedom.. why do we have to be bound to earth and uncertainty.. Why oh why I don’t know!

I wish I am in the desert right at the moment. NO cars. NO buildings. NO smoke. NO noises.. nothing but earth and sky.. nothing but fresh air and stars..

I can see it all.. but I feel lost..
I know myself.. but I don’t comprehend..
I am smart.. but acting dump..
I am at rage.. but resorting to silence..
I am happy.. but want to cry
I want to fight.. but running away..

I am a million things I can’t understand.. and 10 million others I don’t know how to describe ..

I am up and down.. worried and sure.. cheerful and depressed..

I want freedom to me and myself..I want freedom more than anything else..

The amazing #Gmail fail

2009-02-24T13:55:00.004+02:00

I never believed it. I never believed when people talked about Google taking over the world, or the near coming of Revolution 2.0. That was like mere Sci-Fi stories .. It was fiction people!

But today, I lived the great February outage. Woooh! I lived when Gmail was Gfail and the whole world was buzzing about it.. SMSing, IMing, blogging, Twittering.. writing news about it..

For a moment in time the whole world, the entire waking humans, were united to one topic..
For the first time in history, the world really feels like a small village..

My wordle combination

2009-02-14T22:17:00.000+02:00

These are few of my "tagged" things *

2009-02-03T01:26:00.005+02:00

Tayb, Thanks Gjoe for the tag.. though its been long I haven't replied any tags.. bas its good to have one every once in a while.. especially to show a life "signal" to whoever following this blog ;)

Favorite color: Baby blue, baby purple and baby pink
Favorite perfume (guys): e7m, I don't know
Favorite perfume (girls): two e7m-s and a half.. I don't know!
Favorite pj brand: I'll know, once you tell me what PJ :S
Favorite clothes brand in general: going local?.. Rojada :D
Favorite person in the entire world: My fiance, brother, Bavalova and my mother (in no order)
Favorite country: Egypt.. of course!
Favorite car: Beatles :D and 128
Favorite sport: walking
Favorite sport player: mm.. shall I say e7m too?
Favorite spot in the World: A desert between high mountains and sea
Favorite animal: Horses
Favorite movie: Esha3et hob and You've got mail :D
Favorite singer: mm.. Alot bsara7a.. lets say Abdel Wahab, Thoma, Omaima, Marcel khalifa, Asmahaan, Mohamed Mounir, Ali El Haggar, Hanan Mady.. ABBA, Josh Groban, Michael Bubble, Air Supply, Charles Aznavour, Jose Feliciano.. ah.. enough!
Favorite day in the week: Tuesday
Favorite time of the day: At sunset and very late at night
Favorite holiday season: any agaza, as long as its agaza
Favorite number: 3
Favorite food: Beeb Beeb molo5ya! wara2 3enab?.. yum yummy.. fatta?
Favorite chocolate: Dark chocolate or chocolate with fruits
Favorite cartoon: Anastasia and Finding Nemo (3ashan gjoe matz3alsh :D )
Favorite blogger: yaaah keteeeeer... everybody on my Fl-Alb ;)
Favorite Flavor Ice Cream: Mango or Mystic with Pistachio
Favorite Mobile Brand: Sony Ericsson all the way
Favorite name: lasto adri :P
Favorite hobby: Reading, writing, following latest on social networking revolution.. as well listing to radio and nagging my brother..
Favorite room in my house: I used to like odet el sofra fi betna el adeem.. mm.. I hate our current house
Favorite Fruit: Mango tb3an
Favorite flower: Purple or rosy tulips..
Favorite Quran Reciter: El Menshawy
Favorite Ayah: Ayet el Korsy
Favorite Website: :D ah! I can't live without My Reader, Gmail, Twitter.. my blogs.. and.. you can actually sum it up into 1 phrase "the entire web pages"

I Tag: Zeinobia, Tarek, Deee, Juka, Nerro, Nisso, AD Sabry, layal, Nousha, Enadaha, Noon, Hagar and Cesario.

-------------
PS: The title is from the song: "These are few of my favorite things"

God bless all the martyrs

2009-01-08T01:41:00.000+02:00

Sameh Habeeb
Gaza City, Gaza Strip, Palestine
I am Sameh A. Habeeb. I'm a Palestinian born and raised in Gaza. I'm 23 years old. I have a bachelor degree in English Language and Literature. I have worked in several different fields’ pre and post of my university studies for almost 5 years. I have worked as volunteer in civil societies where I practiced tasks to help people and educate children. I worked as News Producer and a Journalist at the Ramattan News Agency which is Regional Media facility based in Gaza and the Middle East.

I’ve read the above words on Sameh’s blog, while wondering.. He hasn’t blogged since 2 days.. where is he now? Is he alive? Or is it electricity outage that stopped him from accessing the internet? Or did Israeli’s manage to stop all forms of communication? Is he dead? Or flit somewhere to escape the bombs? Is it cold where he is? How can he bear the bombs all night? Can they sleep? Can they eat, drink or breathe?
He’s 23.. as old as I am.. with a bachelor degree.. as my studies degree.. he’s a news reporter.. as my dream..
I’m here typing my words of disbelief and pain, and he –God knows where.
I am sitting in my room eating a luxurious chocolate.. listening to music and pressing letters forming words.. my family sleeping in the other room.. the kitchen is 1 meter away.. and.. alone..

Sameh might not be the only one who disappeared under such conditions.. but above all I’m sure.. with all the prayers world wide.. He must not alone..

Enough is Enough

2009-01-03T02:34:00.002+02:00

If Arabs are willing to win the case.. then KNOW YOUR ENEMY first!
Read Israeli's blogs and know their lies.. it isn't a hard equation after all..

Peaceful life..

2008-12-27T00:52:00.002+02:00

For a disguised reason -I'm sure I don't know-, I decided all of a sudden to quit internet. I took the cable cut as an excuse and a start.
Well, life doesn't look darker without my Laptop buttons, and not that dull without chatting or empty without Greader. In fact, my inner chatting suddenly increased.
I have time to read and watch TV. And above all.. I have few extra TIME..

Amazingly, I don't feel bad! no not at all. I feel much better... as if finally sober from an addiction..

On reading and writing

2008-12-21T13:27:00.000+02:00

I’ve been trying to write a short story since a month but, still I can’t. I already have the idea in mind, but words fail me, or I fail words, I am not sure as I talk.
I’ve read a lot, at least enough to judge good or bad books. However I don’t trust my own writings. I’ve seen those writers who wrote nothing, yet, their works are highly acknowledged worldwide; and I don’t wish to join their queue.
I’m not fond of modern Arabic literature. It’s so boring. People are willing to innovate so they went off the shore to shallow extremes. Am not fond of old literature too. I feel it more like dreams and dreams. And I’m bound to reality.
Good literature doesn’t have a time. Good is good, no matter what’s the time.

I want to write good books, but afraid. There are many good books left on shelves that I haven’t read yet. And I reckon, I should mix with people, different mentalities, different places and times.
If I need to be a writer I should confront myself now and for all..
Am I up to it?

I don’t want to be a person running after his mirage. There is an abrupt of words recently; but who will live and who will be soon forgotten. I don’t want to be forgotten. I don’t want to fill white pages with dotted black shapes. I want to write, be heard and I want to have faith in me.

On Chatting

2008-12-05T14:08:00.002+02:00

I hate the smilie ==> :)

Its either cynical, pathetic or asking people to shut up.

Sometimes..

2008-11-27T09:54:00.001+02:00

The past few days weren't my favorite. Tomorrow is not my favorite too.
Wished from the deep of my heart to slap life hardly at the face. So ugly to show a smiling face, and in a flip of a second -without giving a damn notice- turns its back.. Like -may be- stabbing in cold blood?

Yesterday night I felt I'm so alone. How I hate this feeling more than anything else, but thats how it goes.. From bad to worst sometimes...

Egypt and Chinese noodles*

2008-11-21T16:07:00.006+02:00

I was making a dish of Noodles today, when I wondered for a second about the Chinese cultural invasion to our country. You can hardly find something that doesn’t have a Chinese equivalent in the market. And usually customers like to buy these, not only because of its cheap price, but also due to the different varieties offered. Nevertheless, the cultural invasion is not only to devices, plastics or things, but also to our Egyptian food trends. Chinese cuisine, Chinese beans, as well as Chinese seeds for agricultural usage.

Since many years ago, Far Eastern culture, Chinese, Korean or Japanese, has clearly invaded other countries like United States of America; and may be now, as I talk, I remember the first time I realized this fact when I heard a line from the song “The day before you came” sung by ABBA, where they said:

Must have opened my front door at eight o’clock or so
And stopped along the way to buy some Chinese food to go
I’m sure I had my dinner watching something on TV
There’s not, I think, a single episode of Dallas that I didn’t see

And ABBA are a Swedish musical band!.

On a different note, Indomie instant noodles, for example, has became a hitting brand in Egypt for the last couple of years; the matter that pushed few Egyptian Pasta factories to decide to compete in the market by producing Egyptianized noodles, like Regina and others. However, I think it’s a hard competition because just like Pepsi in our culture for soda drinks, or Chipsy for potato chips, Noodles are called Indomie.

I remember a decade ago, it was everybody’s talk about American fast food. Yum! brands and other franchised chain restaurants like KFC, Pizza hut, McDonalds, Hardee’s and Chili’s, were topping all restaurants charts. However, since a couple of years ago, it was everybody’s talk in town about the Japanese Sushi and raw fish dishes. Today, if you visited the biggest Egyptian mall, City Stars, you will find 2 Chinese restaurants standing side by side in the main food court (Panda house and Asian corner), while Wagamama is up stairs in another floor.

In reply to my previous wonders I asked few friends about their opinion concerning instant Noodles or Chinese food..

Dina, a 22 year old friend who started her talk as she Loves it a LOT [geddan] then she added:

First of all I’m a pasta fan and soup fan, and its pasts in Soup. It’s very easy to make and not so high in calories. It tastes good, but it’s addictive.

Tarek also confirmed:

Because it is east to be prepared, and not as light as soup

Eman noted:

Simply it’s cheap!

While Serage, a Libyan friend who lived in different Arab and European cities, as well as Egyptian friend Ghafari said they like it for the many flavors enclosed.

Mohamed also noted:

Ya3ny shaghal [it’s OK]. I used to like the song in Sesame Street: Noodles, I like Noodles, I like I like I like I like I like Noodles.
It is easy, not very tasty, but anyone can do it.

On the other hand, Memo mentioned:

I’ve never tried it in the first place. I don’t eat stuff I don’t know what they are. I’ve seen it, but never knew they are called noodles, and never tried it before.

Noha also told me:

Nah! I don’t like it. It has no vitamins!

Myself, I’ve tried Chinese many times. I liked very few dishes but hated the rest. I’m still not that familiar with sweet and sour taste. But apart from that, stays the question.. till when the Chinese culture will invade our tiny details of life?

Between yes and no, and between strong rumors that noodle’s flavors are not healthy and may lead to cancer; in a cold lonely lazy night.. Noodles is yet the best answer for a quick dinner.

China really found its way among us.

--------
* You can check BBC for Story of Noodles' origin.

A victory dance

2008-11-17T01:00:00.001+02:00

I feel extremely happy tonight because of my new blog design. Aah!.. I wished to do so since a year may be.. but always and always either busy or didn’t find a good css to work on..
However, I took Friday till Monday off, and so I insisted to do it.. Enough being as lazy as I am!

It took me 2 whole days sitting in front of the laptop day by night!
Haven’t dealt with new blogger before.. and it was like a disaster to figure out what is doing who!
Till I did it today! (Dancing the victory dance)..

There are missing items still.. and few things I failed to add.. but anyways.. its better than never for the time being.

Butterfly effect!

2008-11-10T13:05:00.000+02:00

Few weeks ago, I suggested delivery from a certain Fast food restaurant in Cairo. I ate from there a couple of times and found it tastes good.
My colleagues in the office tried it and they liked the sandwiches too.

Today I was passing by the kitchen and found other people in the company eating from the same restaurant.

Strange how butterfly effect can do!

In the mood for Alanis Morissette

2008-11-02T01:43:00.000+02:00

Like anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
Like any hot-blooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave
But you, you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Must be strangely exciting
To watch the stoic squirm
Must be somewhat heartening
To watch shepherd need shepherd
But you you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing
You speak of my love like
You have experienced love like mine before
But this is not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

I don't think you unworthy
I need a moment to deliberate

Alanis Morissette -- Uninvited

Sepia reflection

2008-10-28T00:00:00.001+02:00

Sepia reflection
Originally uploaded by Philippe Sainte-Laudy

My life has been revolving around 3 songs:
1. Top of the world by The carpenters
2. Windmills of your mind by Jose Feliciano
3. Blue cafe by Chris Rea

Now and then I have a mix of one or two songs. My life is like a Sin wave with a 30 mins time period. One hour I'm up, another hour I'm totally down.
I lost the ability to use words properly..
Words do kill, harm or murder..
A single word can keep you feeling guilty for life long! A word you can not capture or record.. something said and went in thin air .. but it can leave marks in the heart more than million hammers or nails can do.

These days my life is one and two. I'm on top of the world fighting all the windmills..
I feel like a peasant? a peasant who went suddenly to New York..
Lost? cold and hungry?.. but over joyed.. impressed by the whole new world..

I know this is not my place.. and everything will soon be gone..
But sometimes I can not help it.. I dream and dream and dream.. and dream.. then talk words.. and words ask for more words..
God!..
Why were we created with desires and needs?!
What if we were humans with hearts, but no craving for warmth?
or minds, with no urgency to think?!
What if we were souls that doesn't need to be fed?

Yesterday I had a nagging thought that I will die. I was so captured by the thought that I was afraid to go out.. was going to cancel everything at a second..
but one more second and I closed the door behind me..
instead of sitting down to write my will, I went to chase the sun.. and it was one "heaven" of a day..

it's fear my friend..
fear is the reason behind us losing faith in ourselves.. losing faith in our abilities and will..
Losing eagerness to go on..
Losing the love of charming lights within..
We lose the passion.. and then everything else losses its meaning..
Even words.. it will be hard..

I can hear "Top of the world" playing in my background now..
I'll forget about said words and my windmills.. and I'll think of the enjoyment I might once live :)

Reflections..

2008-10-26T02:12:00.000+02:00

There is something about walking after rain, returning back home after a long working day. More like a new adventure. With a refreshing breeze, I expect new horizon in front of me.
Tomorrow hasn’t come yet.. and I still feel the sun is waiting for me with open arms..
Wait for me!..
I’ll run till there… for who really knows what or when..

Epitaph lost her blog!

2008-10-12T00:34:00.000+02:00

Dear Google again,

We are a group of Egyptian bloggers really bothered by the blockage of the two-year-old blog "Epitaph_87" ( http://www.epitaph-87.blogspot.com/) along her gmail account (epitaph87@gmail.com), since October, 4th , 2008. She has sent you her problem and requests on Google Help Center and Blogger Support, but in vain. We wish that you'd help us retrieve that blog and account and answer the requests of our fellow blogress, sending you from (epitaph_1987@hotmail.com), and hopefully ASAP!
Just for notice, we have published this problem on our blogs!!

Thank you!

Google, Free Laila Blog!

2008-10-07T00:46:00.005+02:00

This blog is restored now..
Thanks everybody for asking,
Thanks Google for making the link available again!

*****************

Dear Google,

I wish this message would reach you because you've turned my life into a mess the past couple of days.
My friend's email was hacked, and somebody has deleted all blogs she's an admin to, including a blog we were preparing for a big event next 19 October called "kolena Laila" or "We are all Laila". This event was to help Women in our society's to speak up and fight against unjust traditions. (http://laila-eg.blogspot.com/)
Now everything is just deleted, and you do not mention even a proper contact email to send you our request to have the site back!

I can provide all ownership requests you need to prove that this blog is ours and we should have it back..everything, the URL, the posts and comments...

Google, I will NEVER forgive you if our voices are not heard on your Blogspot lands, at time you are calling for project 10 to the 100 !

At least we want the URL back..

One of the many Laila's
Lasto adri

PS: Girls, please promote!

Other Voices
--------------

Twitter Song

2008-09-24T00:03:00.001+02:00

You’re no one if you’re not on Twitter
And if you aren’t there already you’ve missed it
If you haven’t been bookmarked, retweeted and blogged
You might as well not have existed

In the old days it was all about achievements
Collecting all your trophies in a shrine
Then everybody came across the internet
And suddenly you had to be online

A home page was all you really needed
To seem like a success but not a geek
As long as you updated semi-annually
And checked your email once or twice a week

You’re no one if you’re not on Twitter…

Technology was moving rather quickly
And the next thing you needed was a blog
With intimate and detailed press releases
And now and then a photo of your dog

More recently the students brought us Facebook
And everybody has a hundred friends
The parties in the photos look amazing
They’re not so great but everyone pretends

You’re no one if you’re not on Twitter…

Now you need to publish every movement
And every single thought to cross your mind
I’m told the Twitterverse is full of rubbish
But most of us are actually quite refined

We validate each other’s insecurities
And brag about the gadgets that we’ve bought
We laugh out loud at every hint of jolliness
And try to self-promote without being caught

You’re no one if you’re not on Twitter…

Ben Walker
Thanks to my GVO friends...

LOL

2008-09-22T23:06:00.000+02:00

Few people like to finish a dream just to start another..

A yesterday's dream

2008-09-19T18:59:00.000+02:00

A year ago I wrote something in a website asking to save our dreams and check it later on...

Today I received a reminder..

Dear Blue,

September 19, 2007 you wrote this dream to yourself on www.dreaminder.com. Today is the day that you thought you should read it.

mm... working and may be engaged.. why not?
with a car.. and at least 10 thousands in the bank...

We hope this service has been helpful to you. Please visit Dreaminder again to give us feedback or post your thoughts. You may also want to write yourself another dream to send to yourself in the future.

We hope you've enjoyed the adventure of knowing yourself.

Dreaminder
www.dreaminder.com

work?
engaged?
10 thousand at the bank?
a car?

:D
GOD!
Dream high, you reach the sky...
Dream moderate, and you'll be me..

Me is back..

2008-09-14T23:32:00.000+02:00

Sometimes I feel stupid. I do act very stupidly without noticing except after 2 seconds. And always 2 seconds, not 3, not 4.. always 2..
One, two.. I got it.. I was stupid (!!)..
And what’s more stupid than acting stupid, is getting it eventually.. because later on, I act even more stupidly to show neutral reactions..

The words might seem vague.. But tell me, when wasn’t I?
It’s yet another babbling...
It’s yet another blog post…

Kolna Laila 3

2008-09-09T00:41:00.000+02:00

Believe it or not, Laila is still here.. sound and kicking. She'll speak about herself, and the people who can not speak for themselves.

So, if you want to participate or ask for details..

Just click and leave a comment, or email us...

We'll tell you what to do..

Email: laila.eg.08@gmail.com

Blog: http://laila-eg.blogspot.com

Today's confession

2008-09-03T12:02:00.001+02:00

I can neither make a good leader nor a good teacher,
I don't act, I react..

On the day she died

2008-08-28T00:01:00.001+03:00

A Hair perhaps divides the False and True;
Yes; and a single Alif were the clue--
Could you but find it--to the Treasure-house,
And peradventure to THE MASTER too;

Whose secret Presence through Creation's veins
Running Quicksilver-like eludes your pains;
Taking all shapes from Mah to Mahi and
They change and perish all--but He remains;

Strange, is it not? that of the myriads who
Before us pass'd the door of Darkness through,
Not one returns to tell us of the Road,
Which to discover we must travel too.

From “The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam”
Translated by Edward J. Fitzgerald

---------------
I instantly remember the above lines, once I know somebody new left our world..
May God rest all in peace.. Grant their families patience.. And gift me serenity and strong belief..

The Milk Girl

2008-08-26T21:17:00.000+03:00

I've been thinking lately about "my childhood dreams" post. I thought what do I want to do with my life. ehe2! why is it that hard ya Raby?!

I got an idea about it actually.. and started working on achieving it. Not sure bardo if I will, or if I will not. I got nothing else but trying..
Few people told me I must have gone insane to think in what I am thinking.. I should keep in mind that there might be a probability they are right, and I am wrong. But.. can't help dreaming..

And something else I discovered along the dreaming way; I dream one step more. Like if I told you "lets have an outing".. I'd start thinking immediately in what can be done in an outing, or whom to invite, before even deciding where to go :D
Dreaming what will I do when I get "this or that", before beginning to work for "this or that"..
Like the story of the Milk girl... who kept dreaming of the amount of money she's about to have after selling her milk.. then, her milk split on the grass.. she bent down crying over spilt milk.. yet alas..

ehe2 ehe2!..

My final exam on Thursday, and I'm not in the studying mood. In fact I wasted the days I took off studying Arabic grammar and forgot all about French. Only today I remembered that I'm having an exam I should work for.
YES! was studying Arabic Grammar.. asl I thought, whats the hell am I going to do with other languages if I can not master my own language. I've been complaining alot before that I do not have a language identity. I think in English and prefer to write in Arabic. Even that Arabic was colloquial, not Fos7a.. So, I started learning Arabic all over again.

I'm hopping between different spots, and not focusing..
I am waiting for Friday, so I will have finished the exam by then, and I'd really get down to write the "thing" thats going to change my life..
or so I hope... :(

Everybody loves somebody, sometime..

2008-08-24T22:48:00.000+03:00

Love is defiantly an all time mystery. None has reached an agreement for a definition. Some people say it’s a need, others say it’s a feeling and few like to relate it to a basic materialistic instinct. But defiantly, nobody can tell. Not even the most sophisticated philosophical psychiatric books. Everybody failed to explain or describe the moment when you “love” somebody.
But what draws my attention now towards this, is basically because I began to firmly believe that “love is all around”, “love is in the air” and “love virus has its own seasons to grow”.

And believe it or not, now its yet a new season!
What I have noticed that, in the past, love used to spread in summer, on the beaches; when people didn’t have much chances to get along as often as what’s happening now a days.
Now its different.. mm.. I noticed that the cycle usually starts in April, and September.. I can’t tell a certain reason for this. However, I think that in April, people begin to get bored from studying and the carve for a new feeling before exams, as well as spring forms an ideal environment for love to grow. While in September, at the end of summer vacation, people also feel bored and need a new thing to experience before the start of schools..

This may make nonsense at all or all the sense in the world.. I am not sure, and I can not tell.. Lasto adri, as I say. But what I am sure of, is that NOW a season for love in this country.
Don't you think so?

Thoughts for a month,

2008-08-03T15:31:00.002+03:00

Photo credit

Since yesterday I have been thinking about what I should write. I kept gathering thoughts throughout the day. Everything was written in my head; I will say this and this and that.

But by the time I reached home, I was tired to the extent that I was sitting in front of TV not because I was watching something, but rather because I didn’t have the slightest ability to do anything else, even sleeping..

Summer is awful, and summer plus work is unbearable. Already you are exhausted by the hot weather and humidity. Add to that if you are taking a course or having lots of errands to do.
I pity my friend who just got married the day before yesterday. She must have lived a nightmare before the wedding day.

Today, its Sunday morning. I began to like Sunday mornings because of the hour or two I have alone in the house. (May be that’s the only good thing about having Saturday and Sunday as your weekend..!).
Opened the shuffle and listened to ‘my music’ ..
It’s been time..

*~*~*

Remember when I said I want to pursue my French? Alright, yesterday was my first French exam in CCFC. I did unexpectedly well. In addition to that, finished the first 6 chapters in the first French novel I’d read “Le petit prince”.
Something to feel proud of and refreshed ;)

Every time I go to the course's sessions, I end up with faith even stronger that the first recipe for a happy life is.. “Live life learning, and you’ll never grow old”..

Don’t fall into the well of believing you have nothing else to know about life, nothing else to give and that’s enough. Go find something to learn, anything, cooking or astronomy. Its life! No longer a boring university with five or ten subjects to choose from; but a wide campus with lots of ‘humanity’ and ‘little numbers’..

*~*~*

After listening to Randy’s Last lecture, I asked my mother about what I wished to be when I was young. (It’s a pity that I forgot everything about my childhood. As if years of education have erased my identity.) So she told me, “you once wanted to become a math teacher, and once a painter”.. few hours later she added, “and in your prep years, you wished to become a writer , then in secondary you wished to be an announcer..”..
By then, I didn’t remember anything about being a teacher or a painter. Not even a writer. But now I can tell.. Suddenly I recalled everything very well.

Painter?!
I used to draw when I was young. My arts teacher, Mrs. Azza used to motivate me always to persue drawing. Always a 10/10, and also nominated me for a scholarship like for painting (somewhere I don’t remember). I visited the place, and the guy there told my parents that my drawings were very mature compared to my age!
But of course I didn’t take this course. It was during the day, and my parents weren’t able to drive me there every morning, so I left it for somebody else. That was in my 5th primary as I remember. (worth to mention that I took 3rd place in Cairo for a drawing competition. These were the days my friend!).
I don’t blame my parents for this. I will be in their place someday. And painting is not of a profession to fight for, but rather more of a hobby. When I told my father once that I wanted to join the faculty of applied arts, he said “w howa el rasm by2akl 3eesh?”.. I believed him then..

Exactly in 2001, when I was in 2nd Secondary, I drew a black and white picture for a sad boy.. I claimed then it’s dedicated to the intifada (I’m not sure if I was true with myself). This was the last picture I drew, and till this moment, I am not sure if I can hold the pencil and draw again. It’s like million years has passed since the last time I held a pencil. And if I once did again, I will start by crying.. feeling as if falling down from a high mountain lingering to a talent.. but then again not sure if it would be there waiting for me still..

Math teacher?.. :) .. (mesh be3eda.. don’t worry..)
Math = arts . And teaching is the best way to communicate with people.. I remember when I was in prep year in college, I was working as hard as I can to get A and join the staff. (You can defiantly tell where I am from that dream now).. I wasn’t an excellent student in college, and I do not regret it. I was not ready to quit reading, writing or listening to radio. I think I’ve taken what matters: logical way of thinking.
Bear in mind, you are reading for someone who joined faculty of engineering to work as a sound engineer (my last chance to join the radio). Whenever I remember now, I laugh at myself. How naïve and with little experience I was. Especially when I discovered the bitter truth, I found that sound engineering in Egypt is a job for Diplomat fanya..
But the point is. Teaching is still in my mind. I still wish to work as a teacher or a professor. A trainer?.. Something where I can deal with and address people from a near place. I would put all my wisdom and knowledge (Ha! Ha!) within my daily talk. Forming a new generation, fighting the materialistic monsters of new world.
One day I thought I will lead the teachers’ wake up….
And that dream also failed to fulfill.. may be partially.. I am not a teacher yet.

Writer and announcer ...
I do remember the announcing part very well. For years in life (and I mean years) I used to be an avid listener and friend to the European local service, and almost all international radio stations on the SW. DW, VOR, Radio China, Radio Japan, Voice from Australia (that’s now called hello).. etc. In Radio China they called me “المهرة البيضاء” for my brilliant Arabic writing, and I was interviewed in DW from Germany.
I feel proud mentioning that now..
You think I can turn into a teacher thru announcing?

As for writing..
Till just before my mother told me that I wished to become a writer when I was young, I thought that I wished to become a writer only after I opened my Arabic blog and started writing for real. But suddenly I remembered something that changed it all.
In my primary stage, I wrote a short novel called “خ ي ا ن ة” (treason and with letters mefarateen). I gave it to my Arabic teacher Mrs. Howayda. It was a colored little book with pictures I drew here and there, like ‘el maktaba el khadra’s books’. But she never returned this back to me! I want to have my book BACK!… it was a mix between Snow white fairy tale, and ‘Love story’. (I saw this movie when I was very young, and till now the idea hunts me, that I will live something as such one day.. )
In secondary stage, I wrote another novel but in English.. after reaching the 100 page, I forgot all about it. English is a weak language you can only use to disguise. Arabic is richer, and better to elaborate feelings in the correct form. You can guess now why this blog in English..
In College, I started the Arabic blog, and I had like roughly 10 articles published here and there; one of them in ‘Al Araby el Kuwaity’. I am very sure, If I worked more, I would have had a fixed column somewhere.. I am pretty sure of my words; yet I always claim that I don’t have something to say..!
Loss of self confidence or laziness?
Can I be a teacher and announcer thru writing?

*~*~*

Few weeks ago I was having a related discussion with a colleague in the office. He told me that his childhood dream was to work as an interior designer. So I asked “why don’t you start a shift in career and work in the field you like then?”.. but his answer was the least I expected. I thought he’d say he needed the money (like I do) or waiting for a chance to study interior design, or even its in his plans but later on… but he actually said “which is better? To work in something you ‘like’ then escape to your hobby when you want to escape from life? Or to work in the hobby you ‘love’ and you would have nowhere else to escape to?”..
His words left me thinking with a faint echo in my head saying “life is short”!..

*~*~*

These days I am reading “رحلتى الفكرية فى البذور والجذور والثمر” by AbdelWahab El Messery. This book is amazing. It might be my favorite book for this year or may be life time (I will review it isA, as soon as I finish the read, in my Arabic Blog: Lasto Adri). It’s a philosophical biography, where El Messery is comparing his life in Damanhour (Egyptian village) and USA. And begad, it’s very interesting, informative and worth the time. He’s comparing a materialistic society like USA, and a human society like Damanhour in the late 40’s and 50’s. You can bitterly laugh at the shocking facts, how we are gradually turning into a human-less environment.
There was a line he wrote that I won’t forget. He was talking about the more we find many options in life, the more decisions become the hardest thing in life; the thing that might lead to mental complications. And instead of being free to do whichever you like or choose whatever you want, you end up falling into a hesitant person, not knowing what you should do now. Many options and nothing in mind; you don’t know the difference between this or that. So you take the first thing you reach –or you hear of- with little satisfaction, telling yourself it’s a matter of trying to find what suits you best…
And it doesn’t matter now if you are applying the above words on things or Humans.
You can find a man in this mid 50’s and still searching for himself..

*~*~*

I don’t wish to be so..

*~*~*

I want to be something my children would be proud of. I want to revive the lost humanity, like el Messery is trying to convey in his books. (Rahmato ALLAH 3aleh)..
Could be teaching? Could be writing? Could be announcing?.. anything that would deal with human to human interaction.. I hate computerized world..
You know, in another part in his book, he said something brilliant I was actually thinking about the other day. That the more we claim we have controlled life through computers, the more we lose control. There would come a moment in time when experiences won’t be saved in mind, because your external memory that is taking care of your pet’s food will save your experiences somewhere. First it was general knowledge, now identities, then experiences… there we’d turn into a shadow creatures, with no past or present, slaves to ‘matter’..
Creating monsters out of your arrogance..

Woh! I love this book, and I think that it’s like a sign that I am reading it now. And though I don’t understand few parts, It’s very complicated at times, but I am trying, and will read it again isA..

*~*~*

You know that I wished to enter faculty of political science one day.. but forgot about it because of the distance between the faculty and my house?! I wonder what was I thinking of then!.. And as well I refused the idea of faculty of Arts because it was a memorizing faculty!... as if engineering was not ‘for me’..

*~*~*

The thing that always bothers me that I always knew that we live most of our life waiting and I end up doing nothing..
Now.. what I am waiting for?
When I was young, I waited to have money enough to buy the books my pocket money couldn’t afford. Now after I got the money, I am waiting for the time to read :) . So the change in plans was to wait for a little fortune that would let me live the ‘start’ of my life safely. BUT! How much is this fortune? what will I lose in return? … And the point is, by the time I would have this fortune, I will be occupied by a family stuff..
I am also waiting for the time that would come when I can go to the places I want to write about.. the desert.. el Hussine.. sina.. or other countries.. I want to have the freedom to go to Discussions I want without parental censorship. But who can confirm having this life after leaving my house?..

The boring cycle goes on and on and on..

*~*~*

I am aware of my present and future. And most probably I am very hasty. But life is short, and the things I need to know and accomplish are a lot.. I am keeping my internet usage to minimum, but that’s not enough.i need to have better usage of my time, read more, write more. 1 hour reading per day is not enough.
I think by now, I am in a better understanding for myself.. (thanks to the lecture and the book).. And looking forward to the next step..

-------------------

PS:

1. Today’s post is dedicated to 2 people, one of them is Placeb0, my coincidences mate and the first to know my quest.

2. today’s theme music is “to love you more” played by “lucia Micarelli”. The song is originally by Celin Dion, and I’ve heard it for the first time during my first visit to matroo7. So unintentionally I feel me sitting infront of the beach, with sea breeze on my face, each time I listen to it.

Etfadalo m3aya..
3. I know this is the longest post I've written. Thanks for reading till here.

What a coincidence..

2008-08-02T13:53:00.000+03:00

Today, I have million +1 reasons to love this place..

The last Lecture..

2008-07-26T15:44:00.003+03:00

R.I.P. Randy Pausch
October 23, 1960 – July 25, 2008

************

Last September, Oprah Winfry interviewed a university professor who is dying of cancer and gave a final lecture to his students. His lecture instantly gained wide popularity, and was downloaded more than a million times on the internet.
Ever since then, he’s been regarded as a source of inspiration for a lot of people, teaching them basics –from a dying man in his mid 40’s- for “how to live your life” & “Achieving your childhood dreams”..

Unfortunately, last Friday Randy Pausch died; and strangely I felt very sad after hearing the news. The thing that left me wondering a min or two; because I knew that he was dying, I’ve never met him before and I got to admit that he didn’t have this dramatic impact on my life (unlike others worldwide).. but still I felt sad.. and I said to myself “Properly life is not what we think it’s all about after all.”..
For Randy just strengthened my belief that.. “Make a life, not just a living.”..

His full lecture
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo

His short presentation in Operah
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJp24vNxWKY

His lecture’s transcript
http://download.srv.cs.cmu.edu/~pausch/Randy/pauschlastlecturetranscript.pdf

His legacy
http://www.cs.virginia.edu/~robins/Randy/
http://www.cmu.edu/randyslecture/
http://download.srv.cs.cmu.edu/~pausch/

And finally, Randy Pausch Blog
http://download.srv.cs.cmu.edu/~pausch/news/index.html

Oddly enough, I stumbled this..

2008-07-20T23:59:00.000+03:00

Photo credit

Today I thought..

2008-07-06T15:12:00.000+03:00

I am me,

And I ought to be happy..

When everybody is pushing on me

2008-07-02T13:26:00.002+03:00

I wish to go to the desert and get away from all people, except my brother.

I would go with no bags, but few books and 1 mobile phone to call my mother, and that's it…

Just forget about the whole universe.. and live in peace, ever after..

The universe and me

2008-06-25T15:03:00.001+03:00

Everyday I got to suffer the same thing. I can not get along with the folk in my office. Everyday I have to ask my colleagues if anybody needs a company, so I can spend my break with them. Hang out together, eat something, have a chit chat….

Every-other-day, I got to ask.. then ask.. then ask..

No body thinks of asking me even once for the same, and each day I end up believing "I am a boring person, and no body wants to spend time with me."..

I might have different views, different hobbies; but I am sure I am not by any means a boring person (at least, as far as I am concerned). Yet, I am not sure why I meet this rejection every now and then.

I hate spending the break alone. I wish to talk to people. Ask them about the companies' news, or even outside gossip. I want to eat with somebody or walk in the mall and visit new shops.

But this never happens.

Sometimes I remember when I was a kid in school; I used to have the same thing. I was not a popular person, though survived with few friends after all.

And those, I am not sure now if we are friends or not. Because we do not act like friends do. We don't ask about each others frequently, we don't chit chat this much and we don't hang out very often.

My best friend is getting married very soon, and I am not sure if I am invited or not till now :) I don't even know if she bought her dress or not yet.

Sometimes I try hard to love the universe. But some times of these times I believe… the universe does not love me..

Creative routine

2008-06-22T13:01:00.000+03:00

Today, for the first time in many months, I was able to sit at my computer, for more than 1 hr to finish reading an ebook. I find it quite hectic most of the times, to sit still reading on an electronic screen. It hurts my eyes, and make me feel awkward for doing 1 task at a time. Somehow my work is ruining my nervous system by going through all the multitasking routines EVERYDAY.

But today I did it and read “Time management for creative people”. Not only because its interesting and easy piece of work, but –most importantly- because I need such lifting up writings. I feel I am wasting my time and accomplishing nothing. I have no “clear” dream for the future, and I don’t even have a start to start my search. I work from 9-6, that leaves less time for myself.

This book helped me to re-think about my life.
Yes, I do check my email a lot. I am not organized when it comes to my to-do list. I don’t know a way for inspiration yet. I wake up very late. I don’t have a healthy routine. I don’t have a comfort zone. Gosh! Everything is done at anytime, with all the interrupts and distraction you can ever think of. My mobile, emails, music, people shouting, IM’s, TV.. etc. by God’s sack, I never prioritize and I never tried to be on top of anything to love it!..

This book is a good start I believe, for anyone wishing to know about simple techniques on the run. Not sure if it would work with either me or any of you, but I do believe it got something to say, something to point out and something to alert us that there is something going wrong.

Enjoy the reading.

Movie: The joy luck club

2008-06-22T02:18:00.005+03:00

15 mins ago, I just finished watching the movie "The joy luck club". Frankly, I have no clue what does the name got to do with any thing concerning the movie, but I bet it is still worth seeing. It's not superb. It's not fabulous. Strange belief being discussed, mm, Chinese kind of believes, and its.. mmm... strange in a way.

The film is simply about the story of 4 Chinese women, their 4 daughters and their grandmothers, narrated by the women and their daughters.
I enjoyed living thru this. It's honest and beautiful. Simple and tranquil with a human touch.

Well, I do -very- recommend this movie to any one interested in "Details" and "Tangled stories".

The flickr tag..

2008-06-13T23:56:00.003+03:00

Rules:

a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker.

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One Word to describe you.
12. Your flickr name.

Phases of me

2008-06-08T19:07:00.000+03:00

When I was young, my mother told me “don’t keep what you won’t use again”.
I used to be a very un-organized kid. E7m :$ I believe I am still so… bas anyhow.. ever since then, I liked the attitude of throwing things I won’t use. And it worked.
Every time I felt low, I opened my cupboard and throw things away.

But the habit evolved, and I no longer get rid of things -only-, but get rid of emails, clothes, feelings, memories sometimes -as well-.

Nonetheless, there came my dilemma. I forget things very easily, and so I get rid of stuff I could use later on, but alas.. when "later on" comes, I would have already got rid of things!

Now every month I got to suffer the same trouble at work. Searching for emails I have already deleted by mistake, in my monthly throwing away phase :D

She got to admit

2008-06-08T15:30:00.000+03:00

She amazes me every time I find this look in her eyes, and I wonder why she wishes that hard to make us friends.
Competitive she is. But I would never give her the chance :)
Me and her totally different; Socially, mentally, life style… etc. and its not meant for arrogance, but me and her can never make friends one day.
I tried before once and twice, but its hard to be with someone you don’t feel comfortable with, you feel there is something s/her trying to reach.
Yet what amazes me more her stubbornness to achieve what she wants though she believes as good as I do that me and her = a pathetic relationship.
Yeah yeah! That is pathetic…

May be she thinks I might be her enemy?
I think so sometimes, and this way she tries to turn an enemy into a friend.
But if so, then she got to understand I am not her enemy. I don’t care if she took A, and me straight B’s. in fact, I see me more a B girl than an A one.
Me only a girl who wishes to live her life as simple as that. No big dreams. No complicated wishes. no worries. No envies. No inner wars. No fights for fake lights.

I feel sad for her sometimes. But most of the other times, I wish I could punch her in the face, to let go of all the accumulated feelings towards her, and then she or me can rest in peace forever.

Blessed (‘’,)

2008-06-05T23:47:00.001+03:00

More and more, I turn into a less talkative person. Words loses its meaning, when you have a lot to say. That’s true. Especially when you begin to listen more than you talk. You find that talking is an arrogant habit.
People show off with words..

Lately I feel, I’m more “motasal7a m3 nafsi”..

And on top of the world..

De lovely

2008-05-27T14:37:00.001+03:00

I opened the radio today at work, and found Yiruma playing. It's probably the first time I hear Yiruma on an Egyptian radio station, and so I was happy.

His notes make me smile for no reason…

I just feel the world is so small, as small as a wafting musical note played elegantly on a piano..

On the moment I hear the Piano play :)

A lovely morning to all of you

2008-05-26T22:48:00.000+03:00

I HATE CHATTING
AND NOT IN THE MOOD

Blog post

2008-05-22T20:57:00.001+03:00

Test blog post via email.

--
*Blue* on the run..
Never forget the flavor ;)

http://lasto-adri.blogspot.com/

Book: The Secret

2008-05-17T10:33:00.002+03:00

I read “The secret”, or let me be precise, I read half of “The secret”, or even more, 3 chapters of “The secret”.. because I couldn’t complete the book. I hated the concept.

Every one writes a book and says this is the ultimate solution of the whatever in life; and after reading and applying you will turn into another Einstein. We read, we apply, and it doesn’t work. It doesn't change anything. So the writers reply back, because we didn’t fully believe in “the concept” while applying.
Which is nonsense really.

“The secret” is mainly about “The Law of Attraction”. What you think of, returns back to you. If you think “happy thoughts”, you will meet “happy things” all through, and vice versa.
It’s true. I won’t say no. but that doesn’t guarantee full success.
What about destiny then? What about tests in life? What about wrong choices?
Everything would be conserved -just- into our own thinking?!
If we think we will have an accident, then we will have an accident?
That means that we die because we think we will die; which is not true, because we will die one way or another, because we have to.

See. That guy might have a point. Like when I think of car X for example. I walk in the street and notice that car X is everywhere, as if all cars suddenly turned into X.
If I think gloomy thoughts, I will turn sad; and hence sadness attracts more sadness.. and the windmill goes on and on.
That’s very true.
But I cannot control my destiny with my own thoughts.

May be the problem lies in our different religious believes?!
Islam says that you choose in life.. but you will meet tests too. Just to justify if you deserve heaven or hell.
I am not sure…

Just take my opinion about this book. Reading 1 chapter is more than enough. The book repeats it self one paragraph after the other. It’s not a “Secret”.. it’s a well known philosophy in life. You might find your self heard it accidentally somewhere you don’t remember. May be you’ve thought of this long ago, but was never aware of your thoughts.
The writing style is good. New if I can say.
Some people liked it, but I didn’t. I didn’t like explaining quotations this way. I am not dump… I can understand people’s words…

Look, all in all, I hated it… but who knows, you might hate me for hating it :D
Different opinions pals. And without differences, I would have forced everybody to think Blue :D

Chaw and see you later alligator ;)

Far Far Away..

2008-05-08T22:34:00.001+03:00

I Installed Linux Ubuntu lately. I'm not sure if it is better than Windows or not, but I'm sure it makes one feel better. Better in a way that at least you are not hacking somebodies' property.
Now I can use everything as free and Halal.. so Viva Linux.

There is a very beautiful application called “Amarok” for music. To tell you the truth, I've heard positive feedback about it, that made me feel more excited to discover, and yes, believe me it's worth it all. One of the easiest media players I've used.
So I was organizing my files, when I got me playing them.
Gosh! .. I think I've forgotten since when I started collecting those 20+ Gb of my favorite music.
>> Play..
And as if it's my first time to listen to music. It's been a while.. quite a long while..

I'm thinking of opening a new blog. Probably I'd do it tonight, or probably never.
I wish to dedicated for spontaneous talk. Like how I hear my head without thinking much if I should, or if I shouldn't.
There are so much trouble in the world, that doesn't need to add more worries when addressing the void as well..

today is my first day in my 5 days off from work.
The first day, thats today, already gone. I thought I will study, I thought I will read.. I thought I will write, I thought I will go play sports.... but I ended up organizing my files and folders.
A not bad bargain after all.. especially that I think, I should lose hope towards the new position I am applying to.

Probably the world still hides magic somewhere far far away, especially for me :)

----------
Currently listening to a favorite masterpiece "Caravan" by "Pages"

Humming..

2008-04-28T23:04:00.001+03:00

I'd like to run away from you
But if I were to leave you I would die
I'd like to break the chains you put around me
And yet I'll never try

No matter what you do you drive me crazy
I'd rather be alone
But then I know my life would be so empty
As soon as you were gone

Impossible to live with you
But I could never live without you
For whatever you do / For whatever you do
I never, never, never
Want to be in love with anyone but you

You make me sad
You make me strong
You make me mad
You make me long for you / You make me long for you

You make me live
You make me die
You make me laugh
You make me cry for you / You make me cry for you

I hate you
Then I love you
Then I love you
Then I hate you
Then I love you more
For whatever you do
I never, never, never
Want to be in love with anyone but you

You treat me wrong
You treat me right
You let me be
You make me fight with you / I could never live without you

You make me high
You bring me down
You set me free
You hold me bound to you

I hate you
Then I love you
Then I love you
Then I hate you
Then I love you more / I love you more
For whatever you do / For whatever you do
I never, never, never
Want to be in love with anyone but you

I never, never, never
I never, never, never
I never, never, never
Want to be in love with anyone but you
But you

I HATE YOU THEN I LOVE YOU
(Celine Dion & Luciano Pavarotti)

In the middle of the road

2008-04-27T01:47:00.002+03:00

It’s 1:30 am, and I can’t sleep. I have a headache since 5 pm may be, and till now I just can not sleep. You know when the pain is coming through your eyes and from the back of your neck till the very center of your head.
El La3na 3l sodaa3..

2 days ago I was thinking about my life and I highly considered taking a pause. Its very early for one, but I should monitor myself, where am I heading in 5 years from now. And so far I found me reaching no where I’ve imagined to my self.
I admit it, I don’t have a clear, sharp and focused vision for my future life. But at least I am sure its not where I am starting now.
I stopped reading like since a month ago. Stopped listening to new music. Stopped working my handy crafts. Stopped attending my gym sessions periodically. Stopped learning driving, or at least searching for a good school to practice. God! I stopped watching movies. I stopped walking. I stopped writing. I stopped talking with my parents. I stopped FUNCTIONING my brain.
I feel dizzy and over distracted.
El la3na 3l ekt2aab..

I am thinking a lot. I know at least one very satisfying incident happened to me in the last month or so. But you know, I just wish for the rest.. I dream and think. ALLAH knows better, but I have to think and work, and only God makes it going.. that’s what I’m sure of. And that’s what I try to do..
Having more faith in myself. Dreaming I will fit in the place I dream of. I will fetch my vision and write it clear everywhere. I will make that someone as happy as I can. I will write more often. I should write more often.
El la3na 3ala kol el la3anaat..

Mmm…
And my first decision will be ..
I will sleep on time..

"When we think we know all the answers, life comes and changes all the questions."
Anon

My favorite flower

2008-04-25T21:47:00.003+03:00

My Sister's Engagement Tulips
Originally uploaded by Couppas

I wonder why do I like this one the most.

Classy? Beautiful? Elegant? Chic? smooth? Soft? Bright? tender?..

Do you think it indicates anything about my personality, or its just a flower..

I love Tulips..
The Rose and Violet the most..
And if I ever got the chance, I'd open my own bookshop, with fresh tulips everyday on my desk just around the corner..

A secret everybody knows

2008-04-17T21:30:00.003+02:00

Some people are so unbearable ya3ni, and if I could, I would go and kill them.

Our problem as Egyptians is that we don’t have any limits, and if someone tried to, its totally taken against him/her. As if its not your right to park in your private zone!
You can say somebody is tall, but he can be taller than somebody or not as tall as some person.. yet when it comes to privacy.. nothing is more private that other. What is personal is personal, you have to respect this wither you like it or not. Because at this point, its not you who define what should be kept as private and what can be left to the open.

"You should knock before allowed to enter a hall, room, flat.. etc. That’s how Islam taught me. And holding a secret means holding a secret. That is how Islam taught me as well!"
If you don’t understand the last basic rules and the morals behind, then excuse me, you are not a normally well functioning human being. .

There isn’t anything I hate as much as passing words… adding to the end “but be ware it’s a secret”!
GOSH! IF YOU UNDERSTAND IT’S A SECRET, THEN WHY DO YOU PASS IT ON YA BANI ADAM!!

Imagine your password is with everybody. A everybody knows it’s a password, so everybody shouldn’t be telling it to the rest of everybody except after confirming it’s a password.
No fun about it! it's a password, and you got to state it clear!
YALHWI 3l 3’ABA2!

Now, I was put in a situation I hate. Ok, I had to withdraw a primary decision because of that so-called person who made everything to the open.
And Only Today I discovered the fact that everybody knows about everybody, while I am living in the balala land… Thinking as private as I thought I am only proved me as ignorant and dump as I can be..

Thanks everybody for the over whelming surprise.
You actually made my day…

----------
PS: There is no need to tell me I am exaggerating. I thought I was, till I knew what I knew today.

Pictures hanging in the door way

2008-04-12T01:12:00.004+02:00

I wonder how could people upload all their photos on FaceBook. I know you have "only friends" on your list, but photos mean lot more to me than just things I watch from time to time. It means, memories.. history, privacy, jewels.. my own secret jewels. I can allow people to take a peak-a-boo once.. or worst case scenario, uploading one or two at most.. but throwing the whole pile online?!.. It's a crime! and people got to be prosecuted for that!

Attitude

2008-04-02T22:45:00.000+02:00

So I stopped asking her how she is, so she would stop asking me how I am. But she never did, and each time I feel irritated more and more.

Yes, I am a very conservative person who likes to keep her private life for her self. Not an open person and not an extrovert. Do not like poking nose kind of people, and so I tend to be the same.

But some people don't understand that in order to let others to respect you, you have to respect yourself and respect others too. In order to let people treat you kindly, you have to start and treat them kindly too. In order to let people leave you alone, you should leave them alone first!

It is horrible people. Beware of it.

Some people –like me- HATE to hear someone asking them private questions, especially if you know that they are not always open to anybody, and that if they needed something, they ASK!

Herbs

2008-03-30T14:09:00.008+02:00

I thought of sharing a list of the essential herbs in almost all cuisines, with an Arabic translation (in case of you struggled, a little like me at the start, in understanding the online recipes)..

Happy cooking ;)

anise = ينسون
Basil = الريحان
bay leaves =ورق اللورة
Black pepper = فلفل إسود
Cayenne pepper = capsicum = فلفل أحمر حار
cardamon = الحبهان، الهيل
carob = خروب
celery = كرفس
Cilantro = Coriander = الكزبرة
Cinnamon = القرفة
Cloves = قرنفل
Cumin = الكمون
Dill = شبث
fennel = شمر
foenu greek = حلبة
garlic = ثوم
Ginger = زنجبيل
hibiscus = كركديه
leek = كرات
Mint = نعناع
Nutmeg = جوزة الطيب
Oregano = Origanum = marjoram = المردقوش
Parsley = بقدونس
paprika = فلفل أحمر غير حار
Rosemary = إكليل الجبل، روز مارى
ْsaffron = زعفران
Sage = مريمية
tamarind = تمر هندى
Thyme = الزعتر
White pepper = فلفل أبيض

PS: feel free to add more.. I will be trying to update the list for you and me

Babbling

2008-03-28T14:06:00.000+02:00

Yesterday we made a surprise party for our manager because she’s leaving Egypt. That was the first surprise party I share in. and I really liked it. It like adds something to the celebrating atmosphere. May be happiness on the one the party is done on his/her honor. I don’t know exactly. I like her in a way, and even liked her more since I knew she’s leaving. It’s kind of strange, you know. If you like some person, then you should like him/her. And if you don’t like some person, then you should not like him/her. Or at least change your feelings when something dramatic happens. But just like that you have a twist of everything, is a bit strange. And its always connected to missing?

I remember the few times I think that I might lose people dear, and then few tears ran up to my eyes. I feel I miss them. I feel I wish to tell them right now that they are dear to me. Mm.. its natural feelings, I reckon. Not to get you like something until its gone. Same things we didn’t appreciate when they were previously at hand.

***

The restaurant was tres cher! But good enough. Open area is pretty amazing decision. It adds again to the atmosphere.
I took my usual order, pizza margarita! Hehe..
Yesterday’s pizza wasn’t good though. It was normal you know. I didn’t feel it deserves such money. I would have backed much better one (dreaming huh :D ? )

***

People were new to me. I didn’t know most of them. And I really didn’t care to. Lately, I don’t want to know more people in my life. I feel satisfied the way it is. But I only need to keep strong relations with my old friends.
Know what. To day I will call my friends. I will do it as the positive something of today.

***

I should be going now. Will fetch something to do now, as I feel very bored…. But let’s see, and meet you soon.

My random things...

2008-03-25T23:01:00.000+02:00

Deeee tagged me to write 10 random things about me..
let me see what I got for “me”..

1. I hate borrowing books, though I had to for long (financial problems). For once I like a book and its not mine I fall into a dilemma of either losing it for good, I’d take it from people (bl 3’asb :D ), or I’d buy a book I’d never read again, just for the sake of having it.
2. I am fond of purple and pink lately. Blue is no longer my –only- favorite color!
3. I like Jazz!!!! But not all kinds. Just classical old jazzy songs. Nat King Cole, mm Ella Fitz Gerald. And the point is, I used to believe “Jazz Sucks”..
4. Blogging is no longer a priority in my life, which makes me think of –other- 2 things.. a) I can control my favorite things. b) I lose passion very easily.
5. I’m pretty sure I’ve answered this somewhere before.. but will keep answering before fetching the previous answers. Let me see how far I changed.
6. I am still dreaming of switching my career. Either to business or to writing. And its not long before I’ll have to pick my pick..
7. I’m not as confident as I seem sometimes, and its lack of self trust not confidence y3ni. Blaaaah.. whats the difference y3ni?!
8. I am not good in choosing my clothes. I can’t match colors, or pick the right fashion. That’s why I stick to classics.
9. I hate chatting more than any time previously. It’s the worst way of communications ever invented.
10. I have a very short term memory for facts, but emotions and events can never be forgotten.

mm.. OK, my 5 I pass to the tag:
Daisy.. Tarek.. Kareem.. Bahaa.. ADSabry

Do it guys!.. yalla ;)

Last week's wisdom

2008-03-23T20:30:00.004+02:00

In my short life I learned that, not all people deserve your love,
But only jewels need a little bit of light, to see their shining glamor.

So do not get fooled by any bodies’ charming looks..
The angel may be sitting back in the dark,
While the devil waiting behind a smile..

Books Vs. Movies

2008-03-23T12:09:00.005+02:00

I am living my worst dilemma ever...
With more and more novels shot for the screen, I don't know what I should do exactly.
Should I wait till I have the time to read all these novels? Or go ahead and finish the movie?

In my heart I refuse the 2nd option, as nothing compares with a good book. And at the same time, I don't know if I'll have the chance to read the book(s). Apart from being expensive, I have a list sufficient to keep me reading for at least a year and a half back to back nonstop.

So,
Books Vs. Movies..
Tell me, what should I do?

----------------
PS: That was after I read about the release of "Love in the Time of Cholera" for screen. The Garcia Marquez' novel, that was -unluckily- on my wish list..

All happened yesterday

2008-03-20T21:44:00.004+02:00

Question(s):
“How come people you knew long ago, pop into your present like ghosts from your past?”
“How come days pass by that fast?”
“How come few years would seem faaaar away??”
“How come you sometimes can not move on and forget?”
“How come you can forgive anybody but people dear to you?
“How come your old friends are the truest but the rarest as well? And How come their love in your heart never changed and you know it never will?”..

Feeling(s):
For a second I felt nostalgic and weak. I didn’t think I can make it and step in. But I did.
And for another second, I was walking alone under the lights in the garden, when I was taken by surprise listening to “Fly me to the moon”, and I was flying to the moon. I felt me like a princess. Strong in her present, and confident in her future.

And (a) Song:

Fly me to the moon
And let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On Jupiter and Mars
In other words hold my hand
In other words darling kiss me

Fill my life with song
And let me sing forevermore
You are all I hope for
All I worship and adore
In other words please be true
In other words I love you

----------------------------
[*] For the memory, Yesterday was the opening Ceremony for ACES 2008 in my college. I’ve attended to share with my brother his future memories isA :)

Willing to write.

2008-03-18T22:51:00.003+02:00

I went to register myself into driving lessons, but found all places booked. I will have to wait few more months, before I try again. Well, ok I can wait as long as I don’t have a car, and I do not intend to buy one in the near future. I had the idea in mind, but due many circumstances I decided not to. Will wait again for one more year or two before I’d buy one, hopefully. Mm I bought a mobile though. This thing I couldn’t wait for any more.

***

Sometimes you know, I feel lucky enough to have everything as such in my life. But other times I feel I’m living my night mare, to have life turning into similar pages of black and white. Work, eat, sleep. I would kill myself before continuing this way, and so I’m thinking of finding myself a place!

***

3 months ago I knew quite a beautiful lady, who is a writer and an announcer in one of the Egyptian radio stations. She made an interview with me regarding women in the Egyptian blog sphere in general and Laila specifically. In a way she is lighting inside me a fire to continue laila, say NO and search for myself. Probably she doesn’t know that. But I will tell her one day isA, that she is the reason behind me thinking how to be something “valuable” for the next couple of years isA. I will work.. and will be. This country is very beautiful and it needs everyone to work WELL enough to be proud of him/her self.
There isn’t anything called “mafeesh fayda”. There is always and always “fayda” unless people are dead. Which I couldn’t see now. She is alive, and brought live to my thoughts as well.

***

Work is going fine. After I transferred as a shift-less normal employee. In fact I like it more now. I like working with my partner. He is quite a decent person, and though we are different in religion but I never cared!. I enjoy discussing work problems together because I am sure he will give me an honest advise.
One day I will tell him the above.. as well..

*****

I save a "one day" to tell people many things..
And though I wish to say all that now.. I am afraid.
Afraid if I did, I’d be accused of seeking personal benefit. Afraid of being mis understood. People do not wish to hear the truth, though they won’t wait to blame you if you tried to lie or hide.
And I am afraid of waiting till either one of us would go for good. I don’t know the future. But I know, that life the more it gives, the more your chances that "life" will take revenge...

Privacy.. uncovered..

2008-03-15T02:11:00.001+02:00

So, I did something stupid. Stupid enough to let me think why do I think its stupid, and how to adapt. I’ve already did the stupidest thing of all and uncovered my identity, then I have to arm my thoughts to stand by my opinions…
Privacy is taken away for good, because of a stupid phrase I said.. that’s good enough to teach me a lesson how to think before I talk.. and how to hate the stupid feeling of “showing off”..

Eman… you Got to learn..

Religious talk..

2008-03-14T23:17:00.001+02:00

I invite you to read one very excellent blog post by FadFadation Called "Islam Forces People To Embrace It - Truth Or Fiction"..

Way to go FadFadation..
way to go..

Before turning 18..

2008-02-24T19:46:00.009+02:00

Zeinobia tagged me to write 6 things everyone should do before turning 18.
I’ll try to mention 6 things I regret not doing. Based on my experience, I think this way might help others, just in case.

1. Train the brain to memorize: learn to remember things and keep them safe in mind, and learn where to search for them in your memory. Memorize the Whole Holly Quran. Memorize poetry modern and new. It would really help you when you turn older.
See I’m 23, but feeling mentally exhausted with a short term memory like mine. Sometimes, it sucks. How about when I’m 50 or 80 years old, most probably would be living a world doesn’t belong to ours.

2. Play sports: Never skip PE sessions like how I used to. Force your parents to enroll you in any game. Play little and a lot. Move your body, refresh your brain. Run and swim. Learn to ride horses, and how to shoot a basketball.
I’ve never did that before, and now I regret. I try to join gym sessions, but it cost me pain all through my muscles. Its not easy, and I would never return as fit as before.

3. Learn the piano: every girl should learn the piano when she’s young. She should enrich her musical senses, it will help her later on. She’ll know how to taste arts. How to be as soft as a melody, wafting elegantly through life.

4. Read, Read and write: learn your mother tongue and other languages too. Learn German when you are young, its hard to learn it old. Read, read, read, read.. never stop reading.. make it your habit. And write. Learn how to know life thru its tiny details. Open your mind to new philosophies, and other opinions are well. Save your money for books. That’s the one thing I never regretted that I’ve really done :)

5. Mingle with people: Don’t be shy of who you are. Mingle with people and have your intellectual identity. Learn how to take your rights without hurting others or belittling yourself. Be proud of your success no matter how small, and learn how to ignore other’s negative feedback, no one would care about you as much as yourself and your parents.

6. learn how to choose the right outfit: follow beauty magazines. There is no harm for a woman to stay elegantly beautiful. She should learn how to tailor her clothes, and mix her colors. She should know how to putt make up and make her hair. Just don’t waste your money on beauty salons, but at least go there and indulge yourself every once in a while.

And I tag: Bavalova, Nuha, Sherif, Nehal, B, Jade, Tarek, Yehia, ADsabry, Dee, Gjoe, Shaimaa, Qabbani, Rain, Sara, Ana w Afkary, Mokhtar, Eyewitness and Memo... And to everyone passing :)
And for who doesn't have a blog, please reply with a comment ;)

Good luck all :) tell us what you regret not doing before 18

Last couple of weeks

2008-02-24T19:37:00.003+02:00

So last couple of weeks, I’ve been working on my daily routine. I discovered I waste so much time infront of my computer which in return affects me negatively.
1. I turn more intense whenever there is a network outage.
2. my eyes hurts.
3. I sit less time with my parents.
4. read less.
5. write less.
6. stopped my Canvas.
7. hurts my back and neck.
8. hate people.

Sooo… what I’ve been doing lately, and think I’ve succeeded to a great deal in, is minimize my internet usage to a one hour max per day. I quickly check my mail and the blogs I follow, mostly while logging off all my IM’s. and tell you what, while I’m writing there isn’t any internet, and I’m not feeling so bad about it. Its like, whats the deal.. I’ll write a little and then read my story. I feel refreshed!
As for reading, I think I’m reading with a very fast rate. Unlike any other time in my entire history, where I’ve been having work or studies besides. In other words, exclude the time when I was in holidays.
I read like from 1 hr to 1:30 every day before sleeping, and try to vary my readings in a way that would enrich my mind even better.
No technical readings in the weekends. Nothing work related in the weekends. Its all for me to relax and have all the fun in the world.
After the working days, I do read a little bit of technical material to help me continue in work. Then check my mail, then go and switch completely to reading a novel, then sleep.
Canavas is during watching TV. I try to follow “El 3ashera masa2an” every night. Its one hell of a program, and one hell of an announcer.
Every Sunday morning, I go to the gym for an hr or 2 hrs of mere sports. Then I go walking for an hr or so. While walking I put in my mp3 and start my French lessons. I close my eyes while walking so as not to see people and speak as loudly as I would like without any embarrassments.
Ah, bear in mind that through out the sports time, I should never think in ANYTHING!.. I should not concentrate in ANYTHING. Let the world burn in hell, I should spend time for myself.

For the next couple of weeks I need to:
1. Read Quran and fast Monday and Thursday.
2. lose weight.. I have really turned fat (that’s a fact)
3. increase my technical readings.
4. really finish work at 6! I shouldn’t stay more than that.
5. get done with the bugging issue that already took so much time and worry.
6. decrease eating! Especially candies.

Things I need to buy:
1. Rest of Canvas threads. (I should sit today and write them down in a papers)
2. Mobile
3. Camera, or at least fix the one we already have.
4. A small lamp light with white light to read on before sleeping. I feel lazy to get up and switch off the lights at the end of my room.
5. 1Gb Ram for my computer.
6. Ahmed Bahgat’s books from Dar El Sherouq.
7. Valuable Alba watch.
8. USB Flash disk.

And by so, I believe that would be enough, see ya on good health.

On the missing piece of life..

2008-02-12T22:48:00.000+02:00

I feel tired. That’s all I have to say. I just feel tired as if I’ve been running for years. I can not think. I can not focus. I can not write.
Well yeah, still I am content for everything. At least, hurrrray, I am working shiftless. :D like any normal person. No more waking up late at work. No more spending nights away from my house. But still going everyday is boring. I know now its more easier to meet friends on satuday mornings… but the 4 days off were marvelous. I am tired! And wish to go and sleep..
Yes yes, I will go and sleep.. shortly after I finish writing..
But what to write?
I do not know..

Yesterday I discovered something. There isn’t a single something I’ve started and completed. Every thing gets boring just before the last mile. Drawing.. writing.. DXing.. Blogging..
Where am I heading? No.. where am I now?
No where.
Just an average person, with average dreams if not below average.
I feel lost.

There is something missing in me that needs to fire me up. To go and move the mountains. Its not a matter or arrogance, but I know always that I am a unique person in a way. Everyone got to tell himself that every morning.
May be I stopped feeling unique once I stopped believing I am? You think so?
There is missing piece in my life.. I do not know where to find it.. or how to find it.. or which particular piece that is..

Rise my hat and smile..

2008-01-29T14:07:00.000+02:00

Just finished yesterday reading the novel “kite runner”. And for the time being, I feel stuck.. and can’t wait till I read “A thousand splendid suns”..

How can words be like that?!

"It was only a smile, nothing more. It didn’t make everything all right. It didn’t make anything all right. Only a smile. A tiny thing. A leaf in the woods, shaking in the wake of a startled bird’s flight.
But I’ll take it. With open arms. Because when spring comes, it melts the snow one flake at a time, and may be I just witnessed the first flake melting.
I ran. A grown man running with a swarm of screaming children. But I didn’t care. I ran with the wind blowing in my face, and a smile as wide as the valley of Panjsher on my lips.
I ran.”

From a FB application

2008-01-25T18:17:00.000+02:00

My birth date means:
"Things don't come easy to you, even though you have the potential and the caliber. Spiritually inclined, you tend to take a step back from the world in introspection. You're very sensitive to what's going on around you, yet you remain composed. Although you are brilliant, it may take you a while to find your niche. Your creativity is supreme, but it sometimes makes it hard for you to get things done."

Today's Quote

2008-01-24T22:20:00.000+02:00

I read this quote on a friend's facebook profile status, and found a reason to smile..

"Some joys are better expressed in silence as a smile holds more meaning than words.
I was asked if I enjoy having you in my life, I just smiled"

Recap

2008-01-14T12:35:00.000+02:00

I really envy such women who wear micro skirt, mini skirt.. which ever skirt shorter than mine and do not feel cold. I am wearing my whole cupboard now and freezing. I would understand if they are heading an air conditioned place, but open area?! .. its irresistibly forcing to question!

*****

Last Friday was my birthday. Again a very moderate day, may be bellow moderate. No celebrations, no festivals, no balloons.. Just my mother baked Basbosa, which I hate.. so I only got to cutting and distributing.. fair enough in my birthday I think.
The night before was a night shift, which ended on the morning of January 11. You can immediately reckon I’ve passed the day sleeping and woke up to cut Basbosa to my family then natural normalities of my current life, a.k.a onlining.

*****

That would take us back to work. Last week, I had to change my team. Now I’m working with different faces everyday. And everyday I tell myself, hopefully this would be the start of the remaining days before leaving them.
See, I’m not compatible with: shallow minds, bragging identities, exaggerating souls, snobbish creatures, dominating personalities, tasteless brains and the so call, high life people.
:D you can now guess who am I compatible with. Lol, and how on earth I’m trying to survive with such easy-mesy new fellow colleagues.

*****

Last December the 28th, was this blog’s 3rd birthday.
Time flies.
I admit being a horrible blog owner. But, dear blog, thank God you are 3 and still counting. Life is not easy pal, and you have to suffer as well. Me go to work, you wait.
But above all, we are still friends, you know that. I didn’t forget you, neither did I forget your birthday day, but I wasn’t in the mood. Things go wrong sometimes, things go partially wrong.. mm.. the other way only other times.. and things doesn’t go at all the rest of the times.
So, from now on, I don’t promise to be as before.. mm.. this years’ phase is certainly not the writing mood. I wish it won’t extend. Because last time I had it, it cost me a talent to fade away. Mm.. you know I can write, but always me the lazy person.. always me, the .. me I guess.
I will try.. don’t worry. I shouldn’t forget writing, I shouldn’t do.
Thank you for allowing me to invest in you, the previous 3 years.. and hopefully others to come.
Happy birthday dear blog. Happy birthday dear void, who ain’t a void any longer.

*****

Movies?!
Ah-haha.
Well, looks like the movies phase is extending a little bit longer.
Last vacation, that’s practically today the last day in it, I’ve watched 3 more movies.. tada.

1. Love actually: a booming blast. I loved it. And loved to believe love is all around us. Love is really all around us.

2. Finding Neverland: that’s what I call a quality movie picture. The start is a bit dull, to be frankly the 1st half is extremely boring. But the 2nd half, ever since the writer said he’s going to name one of his characters “Peter”, I reconnected the incidents and began to understand what is going on, and hence started the magic. Ya.. I cried my eyes out at the end of it. The young boy’s acting is way from heaven. Wow and applause.

3. The notebook: if one thing I’d thank this movie for, would be allowing me to discover that I’m a normal girl with normal feelings and I do like romantic movies!. Hehe *devilish look*. Mm.. well.. it might be an average romance, and it might be built upon betrayal –as one of my friends described the story- but at the end, I’m keen for the elderly human part. Its amazingly beautiful. Mm.. whom would we grow old with?.. that’s a question, time would only know its answer.
If I ever got to choose, I’ll instantly choose a life similar to this.

*****

I am really wasting so much time playing iThink on facebook. Its so funny .. and.. I like it :P

*****

And by the end of today’s topic, we conclude today’s edition of “Blue’s insider”.
See ya again, wonder when.. wonder how, where or why.. but it sure would come.. as long as air is entering and leaving… a.k.a.. we are living and breathing :)
God bless

Today's words of wisdom.

2008-01-09T01:53:00.000+02:00

"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion love actually is all around."

From the movie "Love Actually".

ME

2008-01-06T10:34:00.000+02:00

I am neither a princess nor an angel,
I am neither a princess nor an angel,
I am neither a princess nor an angel,
I am just me,
And “me” is simply a human being.

Words of wisdom..

2008-01-04T21:01:00.000+02:00

Not all people deserve to be kept in your heart,
not even 1/100 of them.

Movie time..

2008-01-04T15:11:00.000+02:00

Didn’t I say long time ago I am into phases?
So guess what.. this weekend I was into watching movies again~ .. and I think I’ve watched a great deal, although I’ll never catch up with the pace… anyways, so here you are..

1. Ratatouille: thought I loved the plot.. I hated the rat :D .. there is something with me.. I feel disgusted from “animals” .. even in cartoon movies..
I didn’t like the long nose of his. I didn’t like he eating cheese. I didn’t like the French “ocordion” at the back ground..
Overall: 6/10

2. I am legend: what a horrible movie! I just hate the every second of it.. I HATE this time of sci-fi.. what’s with freeing earth people? What’s with extinction? Forget it.. there ain’t UFO’s in the outer space.. there ain’t diseases that will kill earth..
We will be living till the judgment day.. SO STOP THE NONSENCE!
Overall: big fat zero/10

3. Premonition: I’m not in love with Sandra Bullock, neither the story is original. For long, script writers discussed the “destiny” vs. visions..
Overall: 7/10

4. Bee movie: and how the cartoon movie to bee :P .. I loved it from head to toe. People it’s a good laugh.. thought it’s a bit similar to AntZ, but just go ahead and watch :D
Overall: 9/10

5. The terminal: didn’t I say before that Tom Hanks is the best?..
Overall: 9/10

6. Happy feet: its nice, but a one time watch movie. Mm.. I liked the penguins especially from Madagascar.. but here ain’t that funny, and I didn’t like the “each penguin should have a song for the heart” idea.. 2alsha awi :S
Overall: 7/10

And that concludes today’s round up, may be I’d watch Déjà vu.. and may be not.. not sure.. not sure, but sure will update you if I did.

Today's mood song..

2008-01-02T12:36:00.000+02:00

Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight.

You're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight.

With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fears apart
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
Touches my foolish heart.

Yes you're lovely, never, ever change
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it?
'Cause I love you
Just the way you look tonight.

With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fears apart
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
Touches my foolish heart.

Yes you're lovely, never, ever change
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it?
'Cause I love you
Just the way you look tonight.
Just the way you look tonight.
Darling
Just the way you look tonight.

Michael Bubble -- The way you look tonight

2007 is over? .. 2008 is..?

2008-01-01T19:26:00.000+02:00

So yesterday marked the end of 2007. And was a beautiful day.

I’ve did a crisis at work a day earlier, and no matter that the rest of my team had to bang their head to the wall trying to fix what I’ve done, they were all happy, cheerful, patient and smiling. We made a small party at 12. You know it was our last night shift that extending from 31th night till 1st of Jan’s morning. So we bought a big cake, few balloons, party hats, whistles, Santa’s caps’ and cameras.
Was nice festive in such a warm environment.
I love these people.

2007 was one of the best years I’ve seen. True.
Started by my visit to Luxor and Aswan, a long waited trip. Then I don’t recall specific moments.. but may be finished college, worked… much stable in my life than I thought I would, el 7amdo lelah. And still trying to work on my life even more.. and who knows what 2008 is holding for us ;) ..

I’m listening to “Enrico Macias”. One of my colleagues at work offered to give me his discography. Enrico, That man got elegant voice and marvelous music. So I’m feeling content starting my vacation listening to him… in addition to other movies I got .. w eeeh… lets haf fun.

I loved 2007, and wish 2008 I’d love you too..

-------
PS: May you and all your loved ones have a delightful new year :)

Love Vs. like

2007-12-29T12:32:00.000+02:00

I’ve just discovered something about myself. I either “love” or “hate”. I don’t like the “like” state. Sorry.. I don’t love the “like” state; as “like” to me is equivalent to “I don’t care”.

Its either positive or negative, zero or one. A digital world of mine where no gray spaces exist. You may see colors: red, yellow, blue or green; but to me, they are mere different opinions of others’ perspectives I don’t have to listen to in the first place.

Today’s Graduation..

2007-12-27T23:42:00.000+02:00

I used to listen to this phrase “what lasts in one’s mind, only the tiny fragile moments. Only the faint perfume of unreality, remains.”.. and believe in it.
Now, I wonder if I do.

Memories have to have something concrete to make me happy. Something I can hold in hands life long and remember. I’m not good in recalling the past. I forget. And there… I always wish to have a box, and pick parts of time. Think of it as a flower you’d pick and put in a book. Then put it back in the box and close safe..
Not a video.. not a photo.. nothing.. only part of time.. you get it out and you live the feeling all over again.

It’s hard. It might be impossible.. but that’s my wish for tonight.. not because I wish to live all over again the day today.. no.. today was like doing a ritual that lost its meaning way long when you forgot when the time to do it right. So I didn’t deeply feel it..
But I wish to live it all over again.. and do what I wished to do, yet wasn’t done..

I feel provoked for the camera that didn’t take a single shot. And I feel provoked for the moments I wish to have.. and alas.

I returned back home with my graduation certificate in my hands, and jingles in my hind of a graduation ceremony I’ve just lived.. but yet.. I don’t feel anything.. may be the severe killing headache I’m having right at the moment. Or may be for postponing the day that long.. or may be.. just a may be.. it didn’t go the way I wished for yesterday… and few days back..

Dear colleagues, you will be all missed.. college life itself will be missed.. memories will be forgotten.. pictures torn.. but one thing is certain.. and I’m sure of.. one thing will always stay with me.. life long.. and thats my special secret of tonight.

Hela hop, hop, hop..

2007-12-26T12:57:00.000+02:00

After 13 years of escaping P.E. classes in school, and feeling relieve for no P.E. sessions in college.. I went to the gym on my own will.
Blue went today to the gym on her own will.. Can you believe it?!
It was hard, and I couldn’t complete it.. but after all I feel proud of myself.. because ok.. I did something I have to do, but I don’t want to.
I’m lazy by nature, and here I am fighting that :D..

Alright… today I’d go to the library alone.. and would be my 2nd challenge. Talking all the way, knowing before hand I’ll be alone, and I will enjoy myself kaman.. isA ;)

See ya after the break..

Just a night..

2007-12-23T05:51:00.000+02:00

Its 5:30 in the morning.
You know, its pretty much fun to work at night than in the morning. Everything around you should make you feel sleeping, even if they should not be. Everything appears to be much prettier, quitter, nicer and better. I love how the night always plays his magical touch on everybody. And how the dawn wakes everyone again up.
Up and down and down and up. That’s how life goes on. That’s how we live. Sunset, sun rise. Life, then death. And death then again life.
Eternity? Immortality? Infinity? Or what?!

Imagine now, the put nearly half the lights off, and me playing Om Kalthoum.
Where on earth you can have better moment than this?

Its 5:35 in the morning.
Will go make a cup of tea. Wait for me..

Its 5:45 in the morning.
Drinking tea with the Brownies I’ve bought today. You know what? I’ve just discovered why do I love brownies above all other cakes. Because of the walnuts inside. I just love walnuts. And for no particular reason. May be because its crispy and light while chewing. It feels great, and tastes ever greater. And I do really adore it..
Om kalthoum just finished. And I got to fetch a new something to listen to. Yah, got “Thawrat el shak”. Something in that song can add to any night magic over the magic already existing. How can a person be that kind when dealing with a person asking… “Please tell me.. I might be doubting myself, because I might be doubting you and you are myself. People talk, and I want you to tell me. Did you deceive me?”.
Of course, never count to my rough translation, it’s the ugliest of all. (You can read the complete lyrics here, and listen to the song from here.)

Its 6:05 in the morning.
My mother just ringed me. And me trying to get the lyrics of the song to add to the blog. Mm.. I feel tired and wish to sleep or read, but the rights are dim.
I’ll just go, I forgot what I wanted to say .. And now I don’t have anything to talk about, and in no urge for anything..
I'll just go .. and catch you later..

----
PS: it's VERY hot in here, though I've heard it COLD outside.. wish me luck not to catch cold..

Choices,

2007-12-22T00:01:00.000+02:00

Sometimes choices are the hardest of all. And what might seem even harder is not the choice itself but making it, especially if you’ve convinced yourself with something and believed it as if its life’s ultimate truth.

Like look, if you are like me and you’ve convinced yourself that Blue is the best color of all. It’s yes, blue is elegant, tranquil and unique, however, sometimes some stuff are better in pink.. or 7ata in black. It makes no difference except that, your belief in that particular case is no longer valid. So you keep pushing yourself and try to convince yourself that “Black” might be fine.. and something hidden deep inside of you can’t believe.. can’t tell you to make the choice this or that..

But sometimes its most horrible when it affects life issues. Not a T-Shirt or a bag. Not a pen or a book. Not even a car. Its life time decisions you feel you have to do.. and you have to choose..

Semi annual report -- Part 1

2007-12-19T02:05:00.000+02:00

So I try hard not to forget, and I usually do. It’s a pity to have such a short memory regarding the daily stuff.
My ToDo list for the nest 6 months isA, and you can as well call it, my coming semi annual resolutions. Call it whatever you wish to (in no specific order)…

1. Learn driving.
2. Continue the French audio lessons, then going to 1st level French exam.
3. Delving into CCSP.
4. Learn sewing.
5. Continuing my Canvas picture.
6. Returning back to a constant habit of finishing at least 2 books / month (may be joining Alef would be nice :P ).
7. Reading more religious books, and Quran.
8. Go to gym sessions.

Mmm.. right now at least, I’ve started “6”.. and lets see where the tide should take me after eed.
Happy Feast to all :)

----------------------
Today's quote:
" Never hit a man when he's down. You may find he's bigger than you when he gets up."

Being a devil.. is not easy to do..

2007-12-18T01:55:00.000+02:00

Ever since the start of creation, the devil used to play the same old story. He keeps nagging you to do something, and once you do it, he says “I didn’t tell you to do it”.
That’s why, I hate to advice anybody anything.. I end up my talk saying “I don’t know, you are free to choose”.
But once my tongue doesn’t know how to stop… and I start blubbering. It gives me a conquering damn feeling of being a devil defending herself saying “I didn’t tell you to do it”.

And alas, it's already said and done..

So what you think?!

2007-12-17T19:06:00.000+02:00

Today in iThink on FaceBook I wrote these..

In Relationships:
Any story that starts with "2 friends", ends with a choice and a tragedy.

In Religion & Spirituality:
It's not pronounced as izlam... its islam...

In Music:
Some songs hurt, not because they happened, but because they did not.

I Am A Muslim..

2007-12-06T22:57:00.000+02:00

B offered me this video which I simply loved, and wished to share with everybody.
Its done for the "Muslim American Society".. watch and enjoy :)