A note

This page is closed, however I will continue blogging in English and Arabic on my new space: http://lastoadri.com/blog

Thanks to change RSS feed to: http://feeds.feedburner.com/lastoadri

You'll be redirected shortly..
Todeloo!

A note..

I decided to close this blog, however will continue blogging in English and Arabic on my new space: http://lastoadri.com/blog

My RSS feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/lastoadri

You'll be redirected shortly..
Todeloo!

It takes two to Tango..

One of the reasons why I love music is that I can easily teleport myself somewhere else. These days Marcel Khalifeh is doing great job, he is helping me to escape...
I’m now in Paris, dancing in the streets on his "Tango", over a bridge may be alone... mm... No.
But that's a new story..

It’s autumn again

It’s sad. I’ve never felt as lonely as these days.
Myself has been always a good company, thanks for that my friend.. But I need someone else. Someone I can weep on his/her shoulder or hush me till I sleep..
I really need to sleep and then wake up in a green garden with small red flowers, white doves, and a wide blue sky..

Can you afford me a hug as wide as the sky, as warm as the sea and as comfortable as my favorite music?..

As simple as that

I think I've screwed things up..

Because I can no longer focus on what I'm working on..

Bohemian Rhapsody

Sometimes, like today, I open a word file in front of me and stare at the white page with a blank feeling that I want to translate into words, and of course I fail.

I’ve been asked if I’m stopping my blogging activity, and I am not. I am not stopping because my activity decided to stop on its own. Words do escape, seem so repetitive and boring; like increasing hollow black spaces on a white paper.

Yesterday was my first time to use a pen and paper for inspiration, and listen to radio in many years. Mmm.. Remember when we used to say, it’s been days, then months, now it’s years, such an easy way to put it. It’s been years. Hell yeah! It’s been years! And other years expected to come? I wonder how hollow these will be.

Yesterday I also discovered that I don’t have any rituals that cheer me up. Not a favorite place or favorite voice I’d like to listen to when I’m down. In fact, when I’m down I’d like to be left alone. I don’t want to talk or hear anybody’s voice, or see or know about anybody. Tell me, how many times do I have to say I hate pictures so pictures would leave me alone?.. how many time I need to say I hate life and living, so life would forget me finally?

Am I trapped?

Trapped in fear of going somewhere of no return or staying where I am where no way forward?

@Serag told me yesterday, we will always be trapped somewhere even in our own imaginations. True. But what if you don’t have imagination to be trapped to?

What should you do when you understand suddenly that the sky is just void, not a dream to go up to. When you finally realize you can’t really fly because of your weight and gravity and you can’t really dance because it is haram. Tell me, what should I do when I know I can’t really live a life I want because that’s the way it’s meant to be. Living miserable inside, no matter how I tried to cheer myself up, because I don’t have my own rituals, and I don’t have favorite place, song, or person. What should I do now, when I’m begging myself to feel better.. and left with a blank feeling in front of an empty paper?

Everything and everyone will soon disappear and go away, os why bother?

Why linger to a dying hope? And empty promises?

Sometimes like yesterday, when I stare at my empty page I wonder, what is the meaning of life?.. what’s the wisdom behind the fact that everything will end, die or disappear at the end?.. What is the trick that makes everything look not the way they really are?..

“There is no spoon” my friend.. though you might be the one who did create that one..

Sometimes, sometimes like yesterday I dream of escaping, to start somewhere new away from the blank page. And so I try to look for another blank page that might be inspiring this time.. but trapped to the fact.. it will be a similar, if not identical, one..

On online friends

I was curious today to check my old email on gtalk. To my surprise, I found people who no longer show on my new email are online.
I made sure to ask about these 2 people few days ago to check if they are alright.. sent one a Twitter msg and the other facebook msg.. both of them replied that theyare busy these days and do not log online anymore..
It happens.. it surely happens all the time with anyone of us..
But what doesn't happen, is to be online on one account, and offline on the other :)

Sometimes I prefer to act as stupid and show as if I didn't understand whats going on.. "Ah, it surely is a technical problem".. it surely is.. for I would prefer to believe that online friends are no better.. instead of just believing I am a boring person, who will die one day out of depression..

My quote of today

"To realize that everything is meaningless is tremendously liberating, since it then leaves us completely free to create our own lives and ignore the plans that others have for us."
How to be free -- Tom Hodgkinson

Uninvited..

Its kind of very frustrating because I am a 24 year old girl who can not decide when she wants to travel and where.. and I'm afraid I can't really think of my chances to study abroad any more..

I have high hopes and dreams.. I want to live many experiences.. but really locked up with such damn eastern traditions ... I want to REVOLT!

Yesterday..
It hurts..

An important note

I'm busy, that’s why I don't write... And I no longer like this place as before.
I no longer like the fact that people I know in real life reads here.
I'm not closing this blog, but I'll start as new and anonymous somewhere else..

It's one big mistake when you introduce people in your real life, to your private corner..
Never ever do this mistake.. Take my advice.