Life SUX

I never wished to be a heron of a story as much as I wished to be today.. I read the whole thing and felt like “this is it, I wish to be there” but there was no hints if I can be or can not. There was no guide lines showing direction for a back door. There was no glimpse of a hope.
Sometimes you are doomed to live a story of your own, without a proper escape to go somewhere greener on the other side.. and without the slightest dream someone might be wishing to share you in it as well..

I try not to fetch things away form my hand, but they always come teasing the every bit of me.. I can't have my dreams, I can't go to them and they never come.. And always leave me in that state...

Life SUX and I hate it..

Today’s nonsense corner

Hmm, I got nothing to write for couple of days. Its like, my book of life is having some gaps in between each now and then. White pages. I didn’t learn, I didn’t like, I didn’t hate. I nearly explored nothing. These are the days I hate the most.
Even the days I called my worst. Keeping the memory “I was alive back then”. Had something to write, had something to remember. Now I have nothing. My memory box is empty for a couple of days and so I have to take from my previous disposal. What a pity!

My life. Lol! I keep wondering about life a lot. Life and time. Both share a great rule in my confusion, dissatisfaction, ignorance and even happiness, sometimes. Riddles all through. One day I found few hints leading to the final answer, other days I’m goofing around doing nothing, like these days. When you feel it creeping all through, emptiness is taking place of the previous emptiness, and nothing new.

Hmm, I guess I lost part of my magic lately. I am no longer that creature, in some ways. I’m no longer the shy person I used to be. I like it, giving myself more space to talk, I love talking. I always talk, and mostly love it more when I say the thing in my head on the spot. I can learn by listening, that true. But I don’t think I’ll enjoy it like “trial and error” technique I’m going on. Drop whatever, and wait for the response. Most of the times I feel I’m no longer “Miss know it all” as how my friends used to make me feel. But tell you something. I never loved being “Miss know it all”, or may be I loved it for sometime, when I was much younger, used to brag about being the president of cultural committee in school. Now I wish not to be observed within titles. Nop at all. I wish to be know within small circle, but know me quite well. Get deeper inside me because they wish to know me true, not because they are waiting for a benefit or whatever blessing I might grand. If I ever do!

Friends. The most valuable word I’ve ever heard. The best and the purest. The axis my life revolves around. Funny?! It might be. However, a single word from some one would make me high, another would curse my mood forever and doom me to a living hell. Its not that I can’t live alone. Nop I can, and I love to. It’s all about not waiting for “the friends” to say a thing, but once said, I do not know, miracles happen.

The dearest of all I call “my friends”.. I do not call it except to the ones I truly wish to have in my life. … again!!… “life”..
Life won’t leave me to live in peace! Ever.. Thought of life and time will always play the tangle of thoughts I can’t escape. Questions like “who am I? what am doing here? What’s so special about me? Where will I go after all? The time that leaves where does it head?” will always leave big question marks in my head.

Now I am listening to a CD for the “love story” OST, and Sheryos is telling me how “off the mood” he is these days with nothing in my hand to do. I feel helpless and hate to see him this way.
However, all I have to close the whole “nonsense corner” of today: “welcome gloomy winter nights. Wish not to last long”..

Today's article

Though I've dis-abled the commenting option long time ago. And do not intend to have it back in the near future as well. But thought this article might be helpful to some of the readers to make their blogs prettier with much life going back and forth :)

have fun..

10 Techniques to Get More Comments on Your Blog

Act of monopoly

What on earth Google is trying to prove?!
It is actually monopolizing the internet.. with all the added new features everyday, I really can’t get it STILL !!!

I’m switching to “Google reader” after reading this article. At the same moment, Tarek was adding “Google bought YouTube”!
Guess what, now google can buy “Del.icio.us” (which I switched to days ago as well due a recommendation of some friends…)
Then Internet would be equal Google..



Right now, I predict in 2 years time, it would be sort of madness to say “I surf the internet”.. instead would be “I google”…

Today’s disappointment

Everything that was built in days and month, could collapse in less than a second..
And you’ll hate your life afterwards..

Tomorrow’s note

I couldn’t sleep before writing these words, though its already 2 a.m., and I’ll have a long, hectic day tomorrow. But the point is, I made a decision: I will be someone successful.
I will prove to myself I am up to it and ready to take off my journey..

Few hours ago, I received a fatal email, and made me very happy. I guess me, along my team, are doing something on the road of progress. And thought, I’ll take it as a challenge and show all those who didn’t believe in me, especially the one I had the last clash with, how I thank ALLAH more than any time before that I’ve left his workshop and extermely proud of myself that I obeyed my father’s words.

Starting from tomorrow isA I won’t be available online much. The real work is now switched on. No more TV. No more waking late. No more wasting time. Less blogging. And many, the list is yet to come.

I feel high tonight, mashaa ALLAH. And have a hidden feeling that tells me

"ان الله لا يضيع أجر من احسن عمل"
صدق الله العظيم

Now I can Rest my case :) and go to sleep.
G’Nite

PS: that was written on a hurry, forgive my grammer or spelling mistakes.

Today's wish

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!
Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.

Author unknown

Today's quote

"Thou great star! What would be thy happiness if thou hadst not those for whom thou shinest!"

Thus spoke Zarathustra

Today's tag..

A late reply to Tarek’s, Nesso and Zenobia’s tag. Being lazy the previous days nothing more in fact. Anyways, my 12 favorite blogs (in no specific order)

Zenobia: I love how she writs about current events. Especially when it was “Lebanon strike’s” time, she was marvelous. I even loved her “laila post". She got a sensible mind to think and balance issues cleverly. And to tell you a secret, I made another blog sometime ago called “Blubbering corner” to be like her in a way, but then I discovered what she’s doing is by far away from my abilities, and so I quit :) wish she'd write in arabic as well.

Unbrainwasher: that guy got one of the best working minds I’ve read for. And the best thing of all his magical combination of religion and every day living. Each time I’d read a new post of his, I’d be taken by surprise “how didn’t I think like that before” :)

The eye witness: O boy! I do not remember when I knew about him. Well, no I do in fact, starting by this post, and that was long time before laila. He made me believe, I should never lose hope, this universe still full of hidden pearls.

Ikhnaton2: I got nothing to tell about the guy or the blog. He profoundly got this way to seduce you to his island! YA! Thought I liked his previous blue template better, however, I didn’t follow the blog except recently, because of the bloggers group. Most of all, I love the description “knowledge is not necessarily wisdom”. His writings tackle some forbidden corners in my mind (like this one) and who knows, I might open up someday and he’d be a reason.

Dananeer: she is my girl. I love her in person, and in blog. She is the most sentimental pure creature I’ve met in life. Her writing style is different, as if its prose or something. Her pictures are way too good. My O My! She might be the most I’d love to meet someday..

Abdou Basha: that guy, got a something I can’t define. Thought I prefer his short condensed posts better. But still, can’t stop myself from reading if I found something new posted for him. Only one thing I want him to take care of, his layout got a lot of defaults, sometimes getting on my nerves kind of ones.

Moonlightshadow: I am proudly stating "she's my friend" :)

Tawasol: another blogging island. Loved it when he placed a piece of “Abla fadeela’s” program.. O Boy! I felt like 20 years back :) (the one question I can’t get rid of, why on earth they got to leave each other :S ?! )

Tarek: what should I say?! Hmm, I used to hate him before. :D (I guess that would be enough :P) no seriously, his gr33n data is cool, provided he’d change his new template (the red is horrible) and 2nd of all, stick to his tech news.. however, his cynical writing style on kelmeteen is awesome.

Hadouta: she’s the queen. That’s it..

Tagreba: What to say! his talent amazes me always, and most of all his insisting attitude.. Lol, the best 2 things I remember for him. 1. a poem he once sent me for a depression state I was passing by. 2. The laila talk we had in boswtol :D (Btw: I liked his blogger acount more)
Bottom line is: "that guy gona make it someday"

Houdou Nesbi: TADA! Now we’r talking. Enough to state: he’s the only one I wait for his new posts, and can’t wait to comment, though my comments are not always up to the level. But no, I do not mind. I’ll still read and comment.

Samia: I loved her for being the daughter of my favorite 3amya poet, I loved her for her down to earth attitude and loved her more for her enchanting voice ! wish I’d ever attend any of her “omsyat”.

Did I forget someone?! How could I :S ?

Nessoo: I love this lady! She’s my neighbor however we never met yet :D .. but in all cases I love her calm way of dealing with people and things.


Update:

Hadeel: got to know her blog 3 mins ago. but tell you, She got to be mentioned, even as my #1. She got a marvelous taste, beautiful style and above all wonderful scilence you'd love to share in her "mamlaka".. Hadeel, you are too good to be true my dear.


Well, guess these are more than enough! BUT I’ll update if I remember new blogs :)

I want an ipod

Today's thought: Bad memories always remain, no matter how hard you try fighting; they always remain stronger. The memory lingers forever, and always rings a bell. Hmm, bad experiences shall always survive and replace your stolen –good- memories always. That is a human nature I learnt.

Myself, I am not that forgiving person thought I might forget. I forget for myself not for you. I forget because I need to forget and stop thinking about these irritating thoughts. Forgiving, was not a good trait of mine, or may be it is. I do not know.

I am not a peaceful person, yeah I’m not. No, I am..
I do not know, as well
Sometimes I am as calm as a summer breeze.. so beautiful, angelic, magical and longed for. Other times I am not. I am not at all. I am the opposite in fact. I hate that.
I hate it today when I thought “I’m up to it and can make it”.. but father, I didn’t forget.

I always look back, remember and live in past. The past for me is always beautiful even if its not. I’ll still remember the beautiful things, or make it up.
Present wasn’t my virture, and future is my sin. I can’t plan for my future well. I do not have the urge to in fact. I do not have the wisdom or will. Yeah..
“Who am I?” I always ask.. not in the question format, but filled with mockery and cynical remarks. “Who am I to dream? Who am I to love and be loved? Who am I to believe my tomorrow would be brighter?!” and when I hear no answer in my head, I lower my sight and start to sing.

I want to have ipod. Whenever I lower my sight I’d find something to hum with; for I got bored.
Yup, I got bored from life and the living. All days look alike with a killing routine, and ticking of some clocks. Ticks imprisoned in some rhyme with no escape.
A universal melody encrypted in some boring rules and routine. A 1 second tick should be with the value of 1 second. An hour is of 60 ones. And there we go.. a week of 7 days and a year of 12 month… a year with more years you are here.. you live.. you breath.. you laugh few or a lot.. you think… you think and brag a lot.. you walk convincing yourself you know, while you are not..
The streets are no longer those tiny routs reaching your destination, but bigger cosmetic… stop for a moment.. look from higher above..

I want to have an ipod, and fill it with all the nonsense of the living and the dead.. notes, music, songs,, passing times without more nags bombarding my head. “Who am I? and what am I to be?” .. I ask.. but hear no answer yet..


Today's melody: Stolen memories (click to download) -- John Williams

Today's quote: "I opened up my eyes, found myself alone, alone, alone above a raging sea, that stole the only girl I loved, and drowned her deep inside of me" -- [Just like heaven]

Neyahahaha (evil laugh)

I messed up everything today,
Starting by waking late with a horrible stomach ach; Ending by missing all my sections and lab. Because I am STILL not familiar with the new time table
However, unlike any other time :D still feeling happy (which is not my usual 3ala fkra)
Its my 1st time being a careless person..

And that was one of the things I wish to do before leaving college, I want to live every thing there.. even if its carelessness, for once..

Weirdo,,,, no doubt