20 -full- days left, isA

And so, I’ll be away for a while.. written exams are on till the 11th of June isA, then the start of my practical and oral plus 2 projects ahead. Which means I’d be as busy as a bee till the 1st week of July :D

Anyways, gota say:

“God bless you all” ..

Pray for me :S
And Will be back soon isA ;)

Off, I go..

Today was supposed to be the last official day in college for this year, before the final exams and the start of the summer vacation (hopefully). However, since I wake up tried, so didn’t find whatever will to go and yet stayed home, which declares that yesterday was my official last day in college..

I know it’s not something big for you; and you’d probably say “that’s how it goes all the time, you entered school, spent around 13 years or so, and then went college. Years pass and all of a sudden you’ll find yourself a graduate, working somewhere.. or may be a mother of a punch of naughty children. One day your kids would go to school.. then college… blah blah…”
“Yeah..” that’s how I’d reply. “the train of life do never stop”

But somehow can’t resist feeling that this year was different; the step of maturity I’ve crossed was far beyond my expectations. This year I’ve learnt the meaning of team work, responsibility, sensibility, interaction, and the meaning of care for the real world. Real world in the sense of putting my virtual world aside for a while and looking forward focusing on the present, the ground and the living people! Starting by my dilemma of choosing a way to go (ended by taking electronics and communication systems department as my answer), passing through getting along with difficulties, thinking of being or not being, forgetting hurt..
Simply defining some variables in my life for the coming years to come.

I might not look as happy as last year’s final day, forgive me.. but can’t really imagine that one more year is left (isA) then bufffff.. off we go to a total different journey !
Can’t imagine, no matter how much I hate that place, I might leave it. Though the relatively little time I spent in college, yet somehow the soul of intimacy growing is more than I imagined!

Vague my words might look, but with every letter something is ringing a bell inside my head, a memory or a saying or simply a blurred picture of someone passed by me sometime. Every hall, every corner, every staircase, every tree, every single thing would be always engraved..

Mr. DXer once sent me an email with this intro “People come into your life for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime”. Yet Only this year was certain of this phrase.. only this year I learnt that leaving memories would always bring heart aches no matter how sweet.. no matter how beautiful they looked at their time..

Love you all,
Blue

Today my heart feels extra sad…

Forget about people, forget about suffocating time and usual stress.. forget about the normal stupid talks or the random lame actions.. forget about the world’s politics or the internal corrupt..
I know the world would still keep turning and the sun would rise again from the east… but I can’t stop my heart from feeling sadness all thru..
Yesterday we had to give up on our flat to live in that new one that I still can’t love… and today.. my father will sell our car for a new wider one !!

I can still remember the day I opened our x-flat’s balcony, was about 4 or 5 years old, when I saw a small little red car under , my father was outside one door waving with one hand and peeping with the other… when my mother cuddled me in her warm arms and whispered “say hello to our new car..”.. we all were smiling then..
It shared… no.. ‘She’ shared a lot of beautiful memories… 1st time to go to school.. and even 1st day at college… our everyday ride to school with “eza3t el Quran” playing in the morning, and “El bernamg el mosiqi” while going back home!! You know that I loved radios because of that! … it was all about my fascination with the music played in the musical program that I urged my father to buy my 1st pocket radio.. then life went on..

We’ve called ‘her’ many names.. Sometimes “Zoba” according to the old song by Mahmoud Yassin “7elwa ya zoba” .. then changed it to “Batta”.. don’t remember the reason behind that one actually.. and there was “Za2zo2a” as well.. for how small the car looked like between other passing by cars along the way.. but we never cared for how small , beautiful or even modern the car was, as long as it shared our small family’s warmth and laughter’s..
Now…. It would be all gone and buried away except in our hearts..

I remember when we used to go to the beach with our uncles, we used to race who’ll be faster under 80 km/hr.. yeah!.. w enjoyed slow speeds.. it gave us more chance to cheer together!!!
And yeah, the day we had to drive my cousine before her wedding party… it was an extra cool experience peeping all thru the way… and yes I remember now my graduation party drive… now my brother won’t have it .. and his heart is breaking as much as I am, and may be even more..

So sad when you have to give up on what you like and claim its life!! You start by giving up things, then giving up places, people then traits … and at the end you find .. you’ve lost yourself in between..
How dull, stupid, awful and disgusting life is after all.. when I have to give up and forget in order to live.. !!

PS: father, So sorry if I strengthened a feeling towards you… but can’t forgive your new decisions.. can’t forgive you at all…

A walk with a Country Waltz

Its been 3 days back to back listening to the same musical piece “Country waltz” .. and still can’t interpret how pure I feel.. as if, as if I’ve been touched by a sentimental angle all of a sudden!!
I’ve turned very sensitive lately; I’ve taken a lot of un-reasonable decisions; some passed by safely yet some left a crack inside. We’ve had a fight; we’ve left each other for a while. Friends turned their backs to each other, wore vague masks and mysterious identities. But life went on, as it will always do..

After the storm and the clashing waves, the sea returns as peaceful as we’ve knew life long.. after the storm and the clashing waves, the skies looks as beautiful as if its her 1st time date with the greener earth, humming a silent melody that fills the air then fly all around the space invading our souls, and taking us to a far far better place we’ve never dreamt of before.
Friends do make up together again and fights settle to rest, only when.. Inner peace and beauty prevails.

I open my play list again, and set “country waltz” as the one and only song to hear all day long, only then I feel I’ve been touched by a sentimental angle and a heavenly melody invades my soul..

Peace

You know what I am thinking of right now!
I won’t do it.. I won’t..

I WILL NOT GO FOR IT ANYMORE..

and let the whole world burn... 3ashan I am fed up w bas.

Blog Closed

Daily thoughts

Before I start, to the most beautiful person.. to Bibo..
“ I do not really what to tell you girl, Just forget the past and think of your colorful future..
You’ve been dreaming of him for long… tell him “Yes”.. please
Tell him “YES, I DO LOVE YOU..” with the highest voice you might ever have..
BiBo… You’ll be the most beautiful bride.. I know that girl.. I know that..
YOU deserve to be happy..
YOU deserve to have all what you’ve dreamt.. :)
I do not know how to show how happy I feel NOW,,
But know for sure, YOU gave me much more to look forward for.. and therefore, I’ll be praying for you.. I’ll be praying God would grand you the will and the courage to take the step YOU out of the whole world deserve to live to its full :)

Do not forget to invite me on your wedding ;) ;) soon isA

~*~*~

Today.. ah well.. should be calling this blog “I – Today” .. but whatever.. I still like this one to be as my daily memoir. There are things in life one can’t forget!!
Aww! It was partially eclipsing here at 12:38.. and I was following for the 1st time between friends at the open :D .. quite silly! But the feeling was different.

Ok ok.. story from the start. I wake up very late today that I missed my 1st lecture :S .. last night I’ve wake up till very late convincing myself I was studying, but actually thinking quite deep! .. Sometimes one needs this inter-connection with yourself to think in and judge your attitude for the past days.. and here is what I got..
“I’ve been emotionally rushed!”
Weird to admit it now, especially that its not my usual trait.. but anyway.. I wake up on Bavalova’s SMS wondering where was I :D .. and I just couldn’t miss it :D *evil laugh*

I replied to her question in a weird puzzling way, enough to show how down I might be. I started to curse the whole universe describing how horrible I feel and that I wish no one to interfere in my business again :D
She was worried, and things escalated until she began to believe I am going thru a new depressed phase as the one just passed ……. *s3bt 3alaya awi awi ya gama3a wallahi, ana kont raheba* el mohm.. after so many missed calls , she found me entering the lecture around 45 mins passed the start of the 2nd lecture … and guess what happened, we couldn’t stop the laughing frenzy…..
HAPPY APRIL’S FOOOOLS.. *I know its 2 days earlier.. but, as I said, can’t let it go this way :D *

Anyway, it was break time.. peep peep… meeting the folk in the garden..
Today was quite special for we were to present to souvenirs to our OC and AC heads. GOSH! I love the drift of beautiful feelings between those people.. However, what I loved best today was… “YAY people, I am going to appear in the new photos…”
I was feeling extra down because I had no pix with the crew in addition to the ones I wished to have photos with as well :| .. now all the memories I wish to keep are just engraved in my head.. not even with a hint!! I regard me now as being the biggest fool ever… and so I decided, no matter how horrible I look like in photos, I will still have them.. I’ll engage myself in that life to the fullest.. for YEAH, I do,, I am loving it.. :)

Then it was the sun’s eclipse.. it looked very beautiful . yet then I had this thought.. if I was there that moment, probably I’d see us in the garden looking to wards the sun.. with one girl having a black bag at her right side, wearing a pinkish veil with purple glasses.. but who is she.. what is her description.. what she’s doing now or what she’s saying to the people around!!
The thought gave me the impression that we all but very tiny and trivial arrogant things.. we look for what we do not have and leave what’s already in our hands..
At this moment, I wished to say sorry to people and to myself as well.. but time… time is our greatest enemy.. I looked at the watch, it was already past 30 with few minits.. means I got to go.. my 3rd lecture would have already started…

So I took Bavalova and went back to the hall “362* with one line echoing in my head

If I should stay
Well I would only be in your way
And so I'll go, and yet I know
That I'll think of you each step of my way

Gotta sleeeeeeeeeep now… Bye

*Blue* is back ;)

I missed college’s bus today. The sub-lecturer kept on talking and talking un-aware that the time was up! Not only this, but also he gave us 2 extra reports to write in “assembly language” !! ..*whatever.. I do not care that much any more..*
But then I had to take a public bus ; wasn’t that encouraging journey until I got off. You know, I usually take another transport to my house.. and sometimes I walk. So today, I was in the mood for the hard way .. walking back home..

Somehow I needed to walk.. the last time was probably the 1st of February after the book fair 2nd tour with MiCaps :) ..
And you know what, I felt I needed to breath some fresh air *had I said that yesterday it was raining heavily, though winter should have ended here.. :S *
Anyways, I hold my books at one hand and the poster at the other *with all the lovely signatures of the best crew, best friends, best people and best spirit one might ever live*, took a deep breath, focused at the front road and started the walk..

I do hate big bags, though its more practical than holding books in the hand… but still holding books better than walking empty hands with wonders what to do with my hands and where to put them all way long ! .. funny, huh?!
But I was thinking, the passed days life looked a real mess… when I look back now I think I was emotionally distressed and could be oppressed. Well.. may be because I had to pile things up for long, so it was time for me to get it all out.. and though I do not see a real benefit from all what happened except that .. well.. except that I knew I am not dead. Strange?! But yeah.. I still feel, I still sense, I still get hurt.. beside I still love, forget and forgive :)

But the real big thing I learnt from the previous experience is that, if I used my mind in addition to my intuition I will act brilliant, and have some excellent moves as I did. The chess board was empty, and though the little useless plans I had, but I felt proud of my self after.. and knew that some way or another I am going to make my life, only if I continued using my brain in the right form.

Ah! I had that vision returning back to me through my walk, and this time was stronger, deeper, more beautiful .. in fact, no matter how I described.. was way too good to be true..

“the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams” how so wisely -once- said..

now I believe I can make it *Though all my prayers goes for one form of my wish. I hope to be as beautiful as I saw it.. YA ALLAH ! YOU are so beautiful and much more beautiful than one can ever think*

Now I sincerely believe.. I am a believer.. and I do.. I do .. I do..

As I am returning to my peaceful shinning corner again, I was asked the same request twice in 2 different forms by 2 different people: to let *Blue* the one to dominate the real me.. mm.. I thought about that more than once.. true I have more than 2 personalities inside.. and can’t hide *Blue* is nearer to my heart though the hard dignified *Me* is the one always showing..
Yet why not give it a try starting from today.. who knows what might happen..
Yeah, who knows.. who knows :)



PS: I tried to use less the “I” pronoun, but just happens, can’t get it away… that’s mainly why it’s called a personal space after all :)

Cheers and God bless..

So as not to forget..

I know by now, we will have a picture together isA.. I will never let it go..

العقل فى التفكير والرب فى التدبير
Mind is for thinking, but God is for making it come true
ولله الأمر من قبل و من بعد
For God got everything to do after all..


Acknowledgments:
Thank YOU Noha for standing beside me.. and Nado for filling me with strength and hope..
Girlies.. I will never give up and will never know how to thank you :)
You bet my dearest ;)

Yours always and always..
The Flavor "Blue"

:S No Clues

It just happened… I still wonder how “ I ” clicked ^o)

Never hated a thing as much as someone who doubts my smartness and intuition; I am but a women at heart.. I scratch and bite :@

“I know he ain't using the right way from your point of view...but ....I never feel bad for U gurl… I admire U very much … So just B yourself no matter what they say or do.. don’t let anyone let you down OK.. good night”

20 mars 2006 01:59 … I will never forget that .. ever :$

It just happened

As if I was waiting for that exact song to play on radio, though I never tried to listen before!
Strange, isn’t it? When all the un-expected Coincidences of life happen back to back?!

Couldn’t resist downloading then playing it again and again and again and again all night..

Windmills of MY mind...

I had talk to blubber again, but as I sat on my PC, I found me changing the music to this song by "Jose Feliciano".. Somehow I feel, I have these windmills in my mind at the moment.. and yet, i have no clue.. .. wish YOU enjoy the music, the words and the enchanting voice of Feliciano..

round
Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning
On an ever-spinning reel
Like a snowball down a mountain
Or a carnival balloon
Like a carousel that's turning
Running rings around the moon
Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes of its face
And the world is like an apple
Whirling silently in space
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind

Like a tunnel that you follow
To a tunnel of its own
Down a hollow to a cavern
Where the sun has never shone
Like a door that keeps revolving
In a half-forgotten dream
Or the ripples from a pebble
Someone tosses in a stream
Like a clock whose hands are sweeping
Past the minutes of its face
And the world is like an apple
Whirling silently in space

Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind

Keys that jingle in your pocket
Words that jangle in your head
Why did summer go so quickly?
Was it something that you said?
Lovers walk along a shore
And leave their footprints in the sand
Is the sound of distant drumming
Just the fingers of your hand?
Pictures hanging in a hallway
And the fragment of a song
Half-remembered names and faces
But to whom do they belong?
When you knew that it was over
You were suddenly aware
That the autumn leaves were turning
To the colour of her hair

Like a circle in a spiral
Like a wheel within a wheel
Never ending or beginning
On an ever-spinning reel
As the images unwind
Like the circles that you find
In the windmills of your mind