!!!

Dear Whoever; (updated)

So today is THE day I’ve been anticipating for long!
Let me say my reasons *in a chronological order* then you decide yourself:

28^th of December 1988:
He firstly saw this earth’s light.. yet now he’s walking around, wandering and pondering.. asking and wishing if today he’d find a star,, if today he’d have his present..
I’m sorry I’ve failed you down this time *exams you know* I had no time to think of anything special *as if I’d do :P * .. but anyways..

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SWEET 17
HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY ONLY BA3KO
*his nickname, and don’t laugh :D *

*GOSH! He’s 17 already…. Why on earth years are passing that fast!* One thing I want to add, it’s no matter how we nag all the time, no matter how we fool around each others. No matter how we react nonsensly.. I still remember the times we’ve laughed and the times we’ve cried together under the same ceiling, to draw the same cherished memorize in the heart..
Thank you for being part of my life, thank you for being my dearest of all dear brother :) :)

28^th of December 2004:
Was my 1^st time to say “Dear whoever”
I still remember when I 1stly said: “I send my words to the void, and wish someone, somewhere would listen.. So may be you are the one to read my message in a bottle or in a Blog!!”
And till today, I never imagined I’d have this over whelming welcome from each and every one of you.
YES! That was our anniversary that I’ve mentioned days ago.. a year ago it was me and the void celebrating 1st post on "On My Own".. today, its me and nearly 25 who visits my blog frequently and either leave a comment, or discus it with me directly in person..
Guys and gals you’ve made un-forgettable days of my life.. you made it look brighter at times it seemed so low.. you are a new treasure added to my life..
If you may allow me to just say a special thanks sent to 2 people I got to know simply for the stream of bits over IP *quoting here* though they share nearly the same very activity of mine everyday and since a very very long time..
Sheryos *Shrex back to life* .. & T’ee *>>Cout “Trex OST”*
And still more to come in the way isA….
Thank you for coloring my days sometimes..
Urs, BluxX

28^th December 2005:

……
wait for the updates… :)

Tada, Tada I’m signing off.. singing along the way.. Singing a happy song..
sweets dreams, and good night.

Urs,
finally found someone to listen :)

---------

Updates:YAY!! I got my 2nd piece to be posted in the "Destoor" newspaper, page 25 :) and BTW: i got another wonderful surprise at the end of the day; That you'd propably know after a couple of weeks or so.. Wish me luck :) :) ;)
BTW: U can check it here

Call it whatever..

Yesterday was one of the strangest days I’ve had lately. It started by setting off early to my 1^st final exam for this term. I had to go on my own this time for a thought “I needn’t talk to any person” I was feeling blueee. As I entered collage I started a walk on my own, as well, in the one and only place I love there :) ..
After the exam I was partially fine! *Though I didn’t do my best really* I mean, I wished I’d be doing better, its been too long having my studying curve going from bad to worst! Anyhow afterwards, I had a lovely chit-chat with some of my folk though it was horrifically cold by then! We took the bus returning back home, but guess what we did!!... TADA..

In the middle of our way we saw an ice cream shop that we’ve promised to go there sometime, so in one second, un-expectedly, we stood up and asked the bus driver to stop!! Few more mins. we were in :D ..As soon as we entered the place each one of the 4 of us ordered a different ice cream flavor *guess what I’ve choose for my self* and the waiter’s looks were about to tell us: “who are those strange girls, ain’t it freezing outside?!”
BUT what the heck, as long as we are enjoying our selves, and we continued our laugh *it was amazing.. hehehe*
As I returned home I couldn’t wait to tell mother what her daughter did :D .. she was about to yell at my face “are you out of your mind! Ice cream in that weather and in the middle of your exams!” .. but actually she couldn’t after seeing my wide smile that hadn’t been there for a long time now.. I was suddenly happy..

Around 2 pm, I sat at my PC doing all the nothingness of life.. there wasn’t a specific thing to remember.. or may be the one thing I might recall was “introducing some of my writings to a friend WHO by far mock me all the time!!” at first I thought it was a victory for me, but after I read another one of his writings I knew: there is no place for victory.. we are 2 worlds apart different writing tastes, everyone is beautiful on its own ;)

At around 5 PM I thought of having a nap, so I closed the lights and entered my sweet-cozy-warm bed of mine.. and believe it or not, I just wake up at 7 this morning..!! which means, my nap was about 14 hours back2back :D :D :D and believe it or not for the 2^nd time, I was having this eagerness to continue my sleep, I didn’t feel like to do anything !

Now its about 9:30 and I am still at my PC trying to re-organize my files. Ever since this one was claimed to be mine, independently from my brother’s own pc, and I’ve left the place a real mess.. a tangle of files and folders haphazardly put!! Yet instead, I browsed some more places, I’ve been asked lately to search for some music by friends *so weird that some already believe I am their musical search engine !! * I might pass you some links at the end of this post and ask your opinion about my choices ;)

Aa by the way, I am downloading this CD now

It really ROCKS! That guy is a wonderful guitarist reaalllllllllly.. he got all my favorite guitar tunes ever….. *friends can pass on a CD, and as usual I’d burn :@ :@ :@*

I am currently listening to some Buddha bar tunes I’ve parachuted from my brother’s pc :D :D, if I might say *between me and you*, that guy got some taste… *tal3 lo5to ;) *
Ah.. I’ve downloaded 2 awesome books as well, and I believe I’d get crazy and print them.. they truly ROCKS! Though that might cost me a fortune, yet who cares :D .. may be after eid or something I’d go doing that courageous step..

What else.. I had other things in mind to tell.. Ah yes.. to all my Egyptian friends:
Don’t forget to buy “el destoor” news paper next Wednesday.. and wish me luck ;)

Other note I want to pass.. I just found that in an email today’s morning..

Wish Slo, Olivia, Jia Li, Jane and all my Christian friends a MERRY MERRY CHRISTMASS…
you might as well try the “jingle bells” version on Slo’s blog ;) ;)

I’ve written all that already :S .. I’d better run and leave the musical links for next time ;)

Cheers all, you’d better take care of yourselves :)
Time to go ... 73's

************
Added on 27th of December at 11:00 am.

I just encourge anyone who reached till here to get the CD I mentioned above. Just hold your breath and have some more moments to chill out, enjoy the world by yourself.. I know you won't regreat that exprience EVER..
highly recommecded to start with:

Albéniz: Asturias (Leyenda)
Myers: Cavatina
Tarrega: Recuerdos de la Alhambra
Trad.: Romance Arr. Williams (alsmot the one you can hear at the background)
Morricone: The Mission
Robles: El condor pasa (If I Could)
Rodrigo: Concierto de Aranjuez: Adagio
Fernandez: El Diablo Suelto
Ponce: Scherzino Mexicano
Rota: The Godfather

Eggzamz effects (edited)

I wonder why it always pours when it starts to rain!
Suddenly, everything turned out a big-real-fat mess.
Suddenly, Blue started her Seasonal hallucinations!!


>> Blue has left the building
>> ctrl^Z
>> run time error
>> Exit

***********

(Edits)

If I’d tell you one thing, I’d say: it hurts feeling a 2nd hand friend!
You lean on me when you are feeling blue, but when I’d be in my darkest hours, there won’t be someone to listen.. for there isn’t someone to share the small things that make me happy!
I’ve always had this question: which came 1st {my private isolation or being a 2nd handed person} !!
I give without any intended hope to have something back.. I’ve been living the un-conditional love with almost all the ones dear to my heart and never thought of the same in return.. it truly makes me happy knowing that I’ve helped someone out of a problem, or that I’ve managed at last to draw a smile on someone’s face..
Believe me, I’ve never waited for saying “thank you” after..
Then I remember to ask myself one more question: had I turned too sensitive to think this way or had I lingered to much hope on the definition of the word “friendship”?!

Time to go... 73's

Breaking News

Of all the things that would be said or done, the least expected would be:
Sheryos deleted his space early this morning..

I know U were in a sort of deep depression, but that would never give you the right to delete things you’ve already accepted to share with people. U got to know, since the very second anyone decides to write something in his/her space/blog, it no longer belongs to the writer, but to the reader.
I consider what U did is a crime I won’t forgive you for, as a reader before being a friend.

Anyhow, after I poured out my anger.. I would like to add one more thing, thank ALLAH I told you to join the aggregator at the proper time.. for here you can find parts of what you’ve wrote through out the days.. wish reading your OWN words would be a proper punishment for what you’ve just committed!

No goodbyes and no sweet-dreams to U…

Dear whoever,

Tonight, I’ll write, not for any particular thought, except for I want to talk but I have no one in mind at the moment, or rather I don’t have someone to talk to for always and guess forever more. But then I have no words available to use, or could be I don’t want to use the words if it’s yet another channel to be mis-understood!
Tomorrow I have collage early and I can’t sleep. All I’m thinking of for is only this quote I once read from the Bible and made me smile

"For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to break down and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, And a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace."
Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

Sweet dreams whoever reading..

PS: I really miss talking to you, my void… :) .. very near we'll celebrate our 1st anniversary..

kicking off today..

ONLY Yesterday
Phew! I’ve just finished my midterm exams, quizzes and reports. So I gave myself a day off. Nearly stopped all my usual stuff in a way trying to relax, for I am just about to start my damn final exams next Sunday till the 22nd of January by God’s willing! Then it would be my turn to get down to this term’s major project and researches!! GOSH!

Anyways, I played reverse online, and I won twice in a row! *I believe from now on, I’ll skip the beginners’ level ;) *
I even get into various knowledge quizzes. One of them was about the famous novels’ 1st lines; and guess what I met:

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair ..."

Can you, by any chance, remember ;) ;) .. *i know its not very tricky, but that novel got lots of special memorizes.. hints: at school times..*
At around 2 in the morning, I switched off lights –but for my small lamplight- opened my closet and started to re-organize my studying papers, books, notebooks and references; each subject in a row according to its timing in our schedule. Then at around 4 a.m. I closed the lights and prepared myself for dreams-sweet-dreams.. *actually I hadn’t had a single dream in zillion days ago, wonder what’s wrong :s *

Today
I set my alarm to wake at 9 a.m., but in fact after the *snooze… snooze.. snooze… offffftt.. Alarm OFF* I wake up at 12 noon :D .. in less than 30 mins I made my breakfast, my daily tea with milk cup, filled my bag with some studying papers, changed my cloth then TADA.. Off to the club to study. It’s been my favorite time of the year to study in the club; the sun would be shining and the weather just perfect. So I gripped myself a chair, and a table in a sunny spot. Amazingly, after only half an hour I discovered that nearly all the people sitting beside me are 1 of 3 cases:

1. Old people trying to enjoy the sun.
2. House wives with lots of young kids playing *and by the way, I hate when I have kids around me while I am trying to focus*
3. A lot of couples pretending to study :D

So I took my leave *bkaramti keda* and started my usual walk. Did I ever tell you I like walking in a rout called “love-street” in our club?! OK! I love it for the flowers and trees on both sides along the way. Tell you, for a second I did as my usual when I am trying to connect with nature or in other words, trying to cheer myself up; I closed my eyes and opened my arms hugging the gentle winter breeze. YAY! Now I am totally sure those cherished moments are my life-time’s treasure.

Back on track, I continued my walk, still yesterday rain’s impact was obviously seen every where. The play grounds were fill with water ditches, the trees looked brighter than the usual, the see-saws where abandoned by kids, even the smell of the air was still as fresh as if it was raining seconds ago. Then I passed by the shopping area, and guess what! I couldn’t resist the library.. I entered, wandered then pondered between the books on the shelves and to my luck I fished a new one for myself!! Another *Salah Jaheen”’s poetry book. I paid the money then went outside; going through its pages while walking. Now I got 5 whole books for Jaheen in my library, and I even asked the librarian to sell more of his and other poets’ books, and so she promised she will. Holding my 2nd treasure firmly between my hands I entered the groceries and bought a piece of choco croissant to eat. *ain’t that too much as a treat, am I spoiling myself now or wah!!*


mm.. Returned back to some other building called “the social club”, I got myself a chair to sit in the balcony there, over looking the swimming pool. But the scene was way to gorgeous for me to study! I kept on gazing and trying to write something.. its been ages I haven’t wrote a proper post either on this blog or my Arabic “lasto adri” blog. And tell you what, I wrote new Arabic post.. but dunno why I torn the paper!

At around 4 pm I took my stuff and things heading my home-sweet-home :) .. as I entered my room I opened my PC then got my new treasure out of the bag. I started playing some more of my new age music and dived in the marvelous world of Jaheen’s.

Now I don’t know why I wrote all the above, it makes no sense talking about the non-sense. But sometimes I think, the world is full of weird forms of insanity that would make you appreciate yours even more..

I wish I could carry your smile in my heart

For times when my life feels so low

It would make me believe

What tomorrow could bring

When today doesn't really know

Air Supply

All out of love

To U

Sonnet 14 - If thou must love me, let it be for nought
XIV

If thou must love me, let it be for nought

Except for love's sake only. Do not say

'I love her for her smile—her look—her way

Of speaking gently,—for a trick of thought

That falls in well with mine, and certes brought

A sense of pleasant ease on such a day'—

For these things in themselves, Beloved, may

Be changed, or change for thee,—and love, so wrought,

May be unwrought so. Neither love me for

Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry,—

A creature might forget to weep, who bore

Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!

But love me for love's sake, that evermore

Thou mayst love on, through love's eternity.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Tomorrow Is Not Promised

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, they serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are and who you want to become. You never know who these people may be: your neighbor, child, long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger who, when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way. And sometimes things happen to you and at the time they seem painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential strength, will power, or heart.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whether they be events, illnesses or relationships, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere, safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless. The people you meet who affect your life and the successes and downfalls you experience create who you are, and even the bad experiences can be learnedfrom, In fact, they are probably the poignant and important ones.

If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes to things you would have never seen or felt without them.

Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen, let yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right too. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you either.

You can make of your life anything you wish.

Got it on an email 2 years ago from a friend :)

A vivid nightmare..

And if I am asked I’d say it out and loud.. I’d repeat it till my final breathe.. I’d swear by God : I hate him like I’ve never hated a person in my entire life. And then I’d hate him still!

Thank you for all the downs you bring to my life…

So far..

1. I sort of managed to cut down the time I waste online. Some friends confirmed I am not observed on the MSN as much as I used before, and this is due 2. and 3.
2. I kind of helped a friend out of a problem he previously mentioned. No need for details, but cutting down internet *for me* was a must.
3. Our 1st term project finally was issued alone with the Nth exam for this term and the 2154948797468544 assignment! .. time seems valuable as it has never been before!
4. Our conference’s welcome party is on Thursday, and to my amazement I have to handle some work by then *since I am in the publication organizing committee*. God knows when, how or where I can do such thing! Anyways, let me not think that far, I am still living the Sunday……
5. Last microwaves exam was a real misery. Wish next time I’d grap the full mark, AT LAST!
Ps: I don’t mind if its full mark minus few marks.. just take me off the danger zone I’ve invaded with my last grades!!!
6. I went with mother to few malls shopping yesterday. Yet looks like I don’t have a will to look at the hanging clothes as well, I nearly bought nothing.
7. I guess it’s publically observed now that I decreased the number of my effective posts and comments as well. People, I want to apologize to you all.. especially Olivia and Jia Li. *just don’t forget asking from time to time.*
8. The count down is ON.. my final exams for this semester will start on the 25th this month and would finish on the 22nd of January, isA. In other words, no feast celebrations, no party for my 21th birthday *as my usual*, and no having fun with Osama and Ashraf’s in their special new year’s eve program on radio *crying*. Last year I sung with them ON AIR.. that was hell loads of fun there…. *crying increased*
9. I am crying now.. don’t disturb.
10. If I remembered something, I’d soon add… as for now… Lasto is signing off..

73’s everybody…