3 Questions and *an* answer

Enough with people telling me “you look depressed”.. “you sound depressed”.. “you acted depressed”.. ENOUGH!

what you want me to do then, huh?
Ok, tell you what, I am depressed, and a hopeless case as well, would that make you feel better?!
I’m just fed up fe3lan, ya3ni what you think I can do now?! Huh, begad.. a3ml eh?!

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Howa you love and be loved just like normal humans?
You even said “you do not know” was I dreaming when I read that?!!!
Ain’t it weird I place you always in that high place in my heart?
Won’t you tell me who are you?!

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Is it hard for google to show who is reading and who is subscribed to my blog? With some extra buttons to indicate how much they are affected?!
I wonder where the humanly side of the internet has gone?!

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Would you Believe, I just opened my email now, to find this picture sent to me by someone, I do not know.
However, the fact is, thi sone is one of my very best songs.. ever..
I 1stly listened to it about 8 years ago in a program by an announcer called "Fouad Nehad" on radio cairo. But now he's gone to a Saudi TV channel. and yet, got to know its name like a year ago or something :)

read the picture, listen to the song, and ENJOY :)




share your files at box.net

Today I learnt 2 new things..

It’s been too long when my fellow blogger Moamen told me about Adsence google. He added there are some checks sent to you, once you exceed a certain sum of money. Sound interesting, but never got the guts to try it before.
However, for no particular reason, today I placed my adsence, who knows?! Mesh I might collect a fortune and become a reach lady :D Then I’d buy my domain,, and my laptop, a nano ipod and a digi camera and my favorite of all, my digi radioo.. YAY! Sounds interesting!!
Though I felt awkward after wards, I mean I am not that kind “blogging or money” or may be “writing for money” kind of person.. hmm, I even felt more awkward when I thought “God, who might be reading my personal info :s “!!
Yet as always, who knows!


The 2nd new thing, you won’t believe it! But it was Sudoku!!
A friend of mine in college gave me one sudoku to solve while we were having a long gap between lectures and I was bored to death. Anyways, I couldn’t get it at start, was like “what the heck those people trying to do?!”.. yet after I finished my 1st sudoku, I felt like “YAY! It is cool”!!
Sooo, I begged her to give me new ones,, and guess what, I solved 3 today :d and even my brother Ba3ko, got engaged into sudoku as well :D, we’ve been playing together all the way back home from college.

Glad I’m still learning :)

Ramadan Kareem :)

Expect respect...

I love this post by Hope..

Here are parts of what my son, who is an engineering sophomore in the States, told me in a recent phone call:

Our religion has good things in it, but people have reduced it to "this is haram, and this is haram". People are only interested in the rituals, and even those are performed without spirit, and they know nothing of religion beyond that. We have no morals and no ethics. We do not really value human beings, work or science, even if we say we do. That's the difference between us and them. That's why we are so backwards, we do not even have a clue!

We are all about how things look like, people put an act all the time. We are all about bragging about what we have and not what we are.

You know all the things you used to tell me over and over again.Well, I used to think why is my mom so different from all the others. But you know what, there are many people like you here. People who think that a car is good enough if it can take you from point A to point B.

Giving a dollar to the mosque instead of buying a coke, makes me feel good, and I am losing weight.

You've been telling me all these things all along, but I had to hear them from my Professor to get convinced!

I miss you, but I am glad I am here. I am learning new stuff everyday, and what I am learning is really interesting. I get a chance to do research too, and that's a real opportunity.

Smile..

You sometimes smile, not for a reason, but you miss yourself while smiling. You smile for the smile's sack :)

You might be depressed, down or whatever, and you smile pitying yourself..
You smile for remembering a friend, a quotation or an incident.. listening to your song.. finishing a book.. reading a post.. or even seeing a beautiful something, and may be for the over beauty, you might find nothing is left for you to do but praise ALLAH and smile..

It might be one hot, or rainy day when you hate yourself the most, but meet a smile, a single smile that would turn the whole thing upside down..
You smile for a kid smiling,, or for dew on a morning flower.. or you smile for a quite breeze passed you by ..
Or may be you'd smile for something you thought of or wrote..

You’ll be smiling, and do not notice you are.. but once the people tell you how gorgeous you look like while smiling,,, you'll remember to smile always,,
then remind me to smile as well..

And as I turn away..

It’s been something connects me subconsciously to it. Whenever it’s Osama on air, I 1stly think of this song and always ask for it. Whenever I am down, I think of this song. When ever I feel I’ve lost something, or about to lose, I think of this song. Its like having the mixture of thoughts, feelings, mood,, everything between the simple notes of this song. I love it. I love the gloom within every single word. I love the sadness in Dan’s voice. I love the story.. I love it, thought I always need it in the mood I am in.. right now..

Seeing you again
Was like meeting for the first time
In a foggy dream so many years ago.
Strangers in an airport
Searching for a word to break the ice.

Holding you again
Even for the briefest moment
Made me realize how much I love you still
Wanting you to want me
Still not knowing if you ever will.

Seeing you again
Made me wish Id never let you go.

Seeing you again
Running free along the beaches
Where our shadows first
Began to intertwine
Listening to your laughter
Wishing that you love could still be mine.

Did you only come to say
Youre sorry
Or give it one more try
Or did you only need to see
There was nothing left for me
Inside worth saving.

Running for your train
You smiled back through the doorway
Like you used to
When our hearts still beat as one
And as I turned away
I knew the lonely days had just begun.

Dan fogelberg..Seeing you again (right click, save target as)

usual *Me*..

Yeah I had to go out today with mother to go shopping. 1st we bought my brother a new T-shirt and chemise. I love buying him cloths by the way. Its always easy keda, and makes me feel happy bardo. But I do not know the reason why I was so frustrated today. As if the every single something irritate me gathered in front of my eyes. And was like, I don’t know. My face looked like a 80 years a lot lady.

-- I am frustrated.. -- from what?! -- let me count..

1. I hate shopping; I hate going around shops and trying outfits: S it’s very boring. Plus there is nothing like my style. I hate tight stuff, I hate over shining ones, I hate very long ones, I hate “eftksat” these days :S its like not me.. not me at all people.
Plus this stereo typing you have to enclose urself in.
Look, I am a Muslim girl who is wearing the veil right now, and got no intention to take it off by the way. But sometimes I think, what if I didn’t wear it, most probably I would be wearing whatever I like right now. Now I can’t wear what I like, like how I like. If I bought something, noo its too short, while it is NOT short at all! But the stereo typing, you are veiled now, you are a lady, you got to dress in this and that…
Whoever on earth told you I am a lady,, I am just a girl. me poor girl living in a forgotten corner in the universe blubbering all the nonsense to the cosmetic….. but who cares!

2. Its days and I’ll be back to college. I hate that place, and hate the people. I do not think even I got the chance to choose my project. I didn’t do that good last year. And so GOD! It’s like I have to send a new year in something I know before hand I’ll hate myself every morning for! Plus remember, no I don’t think I’ve said that here before. Lol, my father forced me to leave ACES though I’ve been accepted as a moderator this year. Imagine I have to spend a new year watching my colleges working together in the one thing that made me like going to that place, while I am not!
Masada2t I’m out of the break down I had couple of month ago..

3. the allergy in my nose makes me sneeze all the way. It bugs me awi, especially when I am in that condition. 3aaaaa….. off!

4. well my state itself. When I am down I lack a lot of myself to the extend loneliness visits me more powerful and clear. Offfft! Hate it awi that much feeling that I am alone keda and anything needed to be discharged then I have to blog! No one think of in particular to phone, or talk to or even to chat! No one by the word. Even the blogging itself, there is nearly no one I wait to know he/she reads my writings. Neither someone I wait to read his/her new posts. Its like,, nothing ever…

5. hate it when someone treats me as an angle. I am not! I am not an angle.. I am a human being and I make mistakes! Hate special treatment… really,, look at me as someone just like you, we are not different, I am not an alien from another plant. Really! Do you understand what I am talking about?
Each time anyone give me that look, I tend to do something to prove “I am not that very beautiful creature”, and so I regret afterwards that I did this or that!
Had you ever felt that you are not doing me very good ya3ni, you’r actually hurting me more…
Might be a complex, but that’s me,, a normal person with 2 eyes, one brain.. LIKE YOU, LIKE ANYONE!!!!!

6. Hate it when I say hate it like today. My mood is in the most horrible state I know. And so “hate” is there all the way, and so I hate it and hate myself for that..

7. I remembered once Ikhnaton2 said he doesn’t have a favorite something in life. Tell you what now, I tried to think,, what is my favorite book? I do not have
what is my favorite song? I do not have
what is my favorite state of mind… I do not have as well.. I do not have favorite at all… even the colors, thought it was “Blue” before, now I know its not just blue :S

while I was wondering between the outlets, I heard a song by Asala called “Hayati”, its brilliant.. I loved it awi keda, may be because I always wished to live as how she sings.. I do not know..
but hearing it even made my heart goes low even more :S

well, enough frustration and depression for today.. I’ll just leave now in peace, wishing someone, somewhere would listen ..

Again "laila" thingie

It's 3 am in the morning, and I can't sleep. Got Hundreds and Hundreds of thoughts to say. however, its late. If my father woke up now, it won't be pleasntly good for me. See, I can't even wake up late if I want to!!!
whatever now,
its like there was a mountain high over my chest, now its OFF! laila is going excellent so far, looking forward for even more...
God bless all of us..

Gota tell about the whole thing in few more days ahead keda
G'nite

Its all about passion my dear.

When the question was repeated twice a day, by A.G. and Classical feelings, I found myself un-expectedly, running through the blog reading 2 years back to back with all the laughter and the screams, hatred and love. It’s all engraved between the lines. It might sound ridiculous, but the feeling I felt was un-describable. Kept me wondering in some way or another. Hmm, at some moment in time I used to love this place and cherish it to the utmost. At some moment in time I couldn’t wait to write down the whole story.

Then the passion was gone!

Like how I lose interest in anything, then regret.
I regret a lot.. I don’t believe so. Well, no.. I do not know in fact. I do not remember my deepest regrets or my worst days. The worst and the best are always yet to come. Its life, full with its miseries, wonders, puzzles and riddles. Yet its always the one thing you never expected, the 1st to come!
Strange enough to be true, I add.

Yesterday I ran quickly between few posts in another fellow blogger’s blog, as well. And the feeling I got from out there might not be written in words! I mean, I was amazed myself to the extent I ran through my posts again.
If I were you reading these words, I might think this gal the most sensitive creature earth had known, exactly like how I felt while reading him. But neither of us is not!
Here is where the other life lives. Here is where the heart and mind dive into another world not ours in the sense of “you and me” right now and right here!

Blubbers again, and again, and again. You know something, while I was reading and trying to remember things all together, I didn’t remember some posts “why was I writing this or that?” I forgot even to whom addressed, forgot the timing, forgot the meaning. Just like a flower lost everything of its own but the smell. That’s how memory remains. But what if, imagine what if, memory is no longer a mixture of different smells? What if you got something vivid to read?
“got me?!”

whatever.
I wrote yesterday a lengthy post, then deleted and didn’t publish, until I passed by the Nile again today. Something connects blogging with the Nile in my mind. My eyes went wet as my usual for watching this sense, then I remembered yesterday’s feeling when I read both blogs, mine and the other fellow blogger. Its like both passion exists. My passion for the ashes of my memories, and the passion you have for what I write, no matter who you are, a friend a passer by.. a reader.. or just someone looking down at us from high up above. I can understand now why some were asking me over and over again not to stop this and keep it going. Your passion visited me yesterday night when I read the whole thing. Then I remembered every song I chosen and what for. I remembered every picture I picked for a post and the journey I traveled with.

Its like collecting pieces of me somewhere and through it to the wild space. Just like I said in my 1st post “Dear whoever.. May I finally know you?”