Sunday, August 14, 2005

Last night..

It was over 3 Am. when I went to bed and still I didn't wish to sleep. So I switched off the lights, and listened to radio thru my brother's walkman. There were some very beautiful classics on "The musical program" radio station. I opened the window for a hopeless street lamb light to join in my lonesome party.
You know, I always liked summer nights no matter how hot the weather may seem. I love to stay up late and gaze at the vast emptiness of the universe, share the stars in their dance, talk a while with the moon or simply enjoy the silence on my own.
I won't forget my mother when she all the time describes me as a night owl. No matter how early I wake up, I still keep open eyes till very late at night *very often till watching dawn break*, then I keep wandering aimlessly all day long.

Only then I heard a piece on radio "Friends over troubled water". I looked up to the ceiling, then turned to the skies above, and back to the ceiling. After a long sigh I asked myself: "And how many friends I got?!!"
It's very true I have so many friends in my life. It's true I find it easy to gain friendships in no time, yet how many were really bonded to me and for how long?
Right now I am in the process of losing 2 special people we had un-forgettable memories together, yet gaining the trust of other two. *Which leaves me partially happy!*

However I wonder where lies the problem? Why can't I have permanent fine relationships? Is it me or is it life's way of treating us?
Sometimes I hate myself like no one can, and other times I love myself to arrogance itself. I see myself as an angle and the devil himself in the very same picture's portrait.
You know when you feel you are the victim and the murderer at the same time?!

Suddenly I felt I want to take it all off me and cry it out. I felt my heavy heart is aching again. I can't bear it alone all the time, and I don't want anyone to share. I enjoy the silence, thought I wish to have a helping hand around.
I felt puzzled with thoughts out of order and a soul that's bored to death from life and the living..

Surprisingly the legendary "Spanish eyes" tune joined me from radio and I sung it along..
"Blue.. Spanish eyes..
Tear drops are falling from your Spanish eyes..
Please.. Please don't cry..
Its just adios and not goodbyes.."

Then I heard "Strangers in the night", "Sous le ceil de Paris", "Yesterday", "La vie en rose"…

I said to myself: truly everything happens for a reason, a season or a life time..
However, I wish upon a star I'd ever figure it out before too late..

Time to go… 73's
Lasto-adri *Blue*
PS: I had a disaster with my old hard disk.. Thank ALLAH for everything after all..


Blogger Olivia said...

Those were very beautiful and sentimental songs you listened to.

I like the sky at night, and the sound of silence that it makes, do you know what I mean?
Sometimes I stay up until the first bird sings...

And I know how you feel, sort of waiting...for something...
Here is a **HUG** for you Blue.

8/15/2005 12:42:00 AM  
Anonymous sheryos said...

hola amigo..
glad to know u're such a night owl, for am (He, who dwells in the night).
i guess losin friends is a normal thing, for both of you are 2 variables, changin into different ways, yet i'd name it being apart rather than losin ... beides, u're gaining new oes, so cheer up..
b3din, i don' think it's like u ain never gonna talk again... u're always gonna have these wonderful memories togther..
btw, say hi to the moon & stars for me, 'vn seen them for long ;)

8/15/2005 01:15:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you know what...I have a real problem in being real friends with others...hurts sometimes, but hey still it is a fact that we have to deal with...and my explanation is that sensitive people need kind of different treatment as u really can't accept being treated in a way that u might not like...fa we cut the long story short and keep the distance...that was a very nice and touching post...

8/15/2005 08:58:00 AM  
Blogger Lasto-adri *Blue* said...

Ya.. don't you think these were awesome songs?!
i belive i understand "the sound of scilence"...
you know, in our x-flat.. we used to have a tree full of birds.. these were the ones who wake us all up to school everyday..
sadly, i had to move in another flat!

Thanks Olivia ALOT..

I ain't gona tell the moon nor the stars a thing.. you the one who should go there and say hello..
u nearly right in ur view.. mmm.. ya..

btw: I ain't a HE *to the zillion time i'd tell ya*
watch out!
its hola amiga..... not amigo ;)

ya, the problem is always in that" keep a distance".. alot told me, you are away from the scene all the time..
i believe something urge me to keep away.. enclosed in my world..
welcome nerro .. and thanks for passing by :)

8/15/2005 05:14:00 PM  
Blogger Jia Li said...

Blue, I think we all feel that way sometimes...When I think about it, I have many friends but only a few FRIENDS. Best Freinds who are like family, Liv is one...there are a few more who know me better than myself.

8/16/2005 04:31:00 PM  
Blogger Olivia said...

Awwwww Mich! You are so sweet to say that!

8/16/2005 07:13:00 PM  
Blogger Jia Li said...

well LB u are...we chat all the time...and well, I just belive that we a hug to you and to blue

8/17/2005 06:54:00 PM  
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8/19/2005 12:20:00 PM  
Blogger Jia Li said...

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8/20/2005 12:31:00 AM  
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8/22/2005 11:22:00 AM  
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8/22/2006 02:57:00 PM  

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