Love Vs. like

I’ve just discovered something about myself. I either “love” or “hate”. I don’t like the “like” state. Sorry.. I don’t love the “like” state; as “like” to me is equivalent to “I don’t care”.

Its either positive or negative, zero or one. A digital world of mine where no gray spaces exist. You may see colors: red, yellow, blue or green; but to me, they are mere different opinions of others’ perspectives I don’t have to listen to in the first place.

Today’s Graduation..

I used to listen to this phrase “what lasts in one’s mind, only the tiny fragile moments. Only the faint perfume of unreality, remains.”.. and believe in it.
Now, I wonder if I do.

Memories have to have something concrete to make me happy. Something I can hold in hands life long and remember. I’m not good in recalling the past. I forget. And there… I always wish to have a box, and pick parts of time. Think of it as a flower you’d pick and put in a book. Then put it back in the box and close safe..
Not a video.. not a photo.. nothing.. only part of time.. you get it out and you live the feeling all over again.

It’s hard. It might be impossible.. but that’s my wish for tonight.. not because I wish to live all over again the day today.. no.. today was like doing a ritual that lost its meaning way long when you forgot when the time to do it right. So I didn’t deeply feel it..
But I wish to live it all over again.. and do what I wished to do, yet wasn’t done..

I feel provoked for the camera that didn’t take a single shot. And I feel provoked for the moments I wish to have.. and alas.

I returned back home with my graduation certificate in my hands, and jingles in my hind of a graduation ceremony I’ve just lived.. but yet.. I don’t feel anything.. may be the severe killing headache I’m having right at the moment. Or may be for postponing the day that long.. or may be.. just a may be.. it didn’t go the way I wished for yesterday… and few days back..

Dear colleagues, you will be all missed.. college life itself will be missed.. memories will be forgotten.. pictures torn.. but one thing is certain.. and I’m sure of.. one thing will always stay with me.. life long.. and thats my special secret of tonight.

Hela hop, hop, hop..

After 13 years of escaping P.E. classes in school, and feeling relieve for no P.E. sessions in college.. I went to the gym on my own will.
Blue went today to the gym on her own will.. Can you believe it?!
It was hard, and I couldn’t complete it.. but after all I feel proud of myself.. because ok.. I did something I have to do, but I don’t want to.
I’m lazy by nature, and here I am fighting that :D..

Alright… today I’d go to the library alone.. and would be my 2nd challenge. Talking all the way, knowing before hand I’ll be alone, and I will enjoy myself kaman.. isA ;)

See ya after the break..

Just a night..

Its 5:30 in the morning.
You know, its pretty much fun to work at night than in the morning. Everything around you should make you feel sleeping, even if they should not be. Everything appears to be much prettier, quitter, nicer and better. I love how the night always plays his magical touch on everybody. And how the dawn wakes everyone again up.
Up and down and down and up. That’s how life goes on. That’s how we live. Sunset, sun rise. Life, then death. And death then again life.
Eternity? Immortality? Infinity? Or what?!

Imagine now, the put nearly half the lights off, and me playing Om Kalthoum.
Where on earth you can have better moment than this?

Its 5:35 in the morning.
Will go make a cup of tea. Wait for me..

Its 5:45 in the morning.
Drinking tea with the Brownies I’ve bought today. You know what? I’ve just discovered why do I love brownies above all other cakes. Because of the walnuts inside. I just love walnuts. And for no particular reason. May be because its crispy and light while chewing. It feels great, and tastes ever greater. And I do really adore it..
Om kalthoum just finished. And I got to fetch a new something to listen to. Yah, got “Thawrat el shak”. Something in that song can add to any night magic over the magic already existing. How can a person be that kind when dealing with a person asking… “Please tell me.. I might be doubting myself, because I might be doubting you and you are myself. People talk, and I want you to tell me. Did you deceive me?”.
Of course, never count to my rough translation, it’s the ugliest of all. (You can read the complete lyrics here, and listen to the song from here.)

Its 6:05 in the morning.
My mother just ringed me. And me trying to get the lyrics of the song to add to the blog. Mm.. I feel tired and wish to sleep or read, but the rights are dim.
I’ll just go, I forgot what I wanted to say .. And now I don’t have anything to talk about, and in no urge for anything..
I'll just go .. and catch you later..


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PS: it's VERY hot in here, though I've heard it COLD outside.. wish me luck not to catch cold..

Choices,

Sometimes choices are the hardest of all. And what might seem even harder is not the choice itself but making it, especially if you’ve convinced yourself with something and believed it as if its life’s ultimate truth.

Like look, if you are like me and you’ve convinced yourself that Blue is the best color of all. It’s yes, blue is elegant, tranquil and unique, however, sometimes some stuff are better in pink.. or 7ata in black. It makes no difference except that, your belief in that particular case is no longer valid. So you keep pushing yourself and try to convince yourself that “Black” might be fine.. and something hidden deep inside of you can’t believe.. can’t tell you to make the choice this or that..

But sometimes its most horrible when it affects life issues. Not a T-Shirt or a bag. Not a pen or a book. Not even a car. Its life time decisions you feel you have to do.. and you have to choose..

Semi annual report -- Part 1

So I try hard not to forget, and I usually do. It’s a pity to have such a short memory regarding the daily stuff.
My ToDo list for the nest 6 months isA, and you can as well call it, my coming semi annual resolutions. Call it whatever you wish to (in no specific order)…

1. Learn driving.
2. Continue the French audio lessons, then going to 1st level French exam.
3. Delving into CCSP.
4. Learn sewing.
5. Continuing my Canvas picture.
6. Returning back to a constant habit of finishing at least 2 books / month (may be joining Alef would be nice :P ).
7. Reading more religious books, and Quran.
8. Go to gym sessions.

Mmm.. right now at least, I’ve started “6”.. and lets see where the tide should take me after eed.
Happy Feast to all :)


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Today's quote:
" Never hit a man when he's down. You may find he's bigger than you when he gets up."

Being a devil.. is not easy to do..

Ever since the start of creation, the devil used to play the same old story. He keeps nagging you to do something, and once you do it, he says “I didn’t tell you to do it”.
That’s why, I hate to advice anybody anything.. I end up my talk saying “I don’t know, you are free to choose”.
But once my tongue doesn’t know how to stop… and I start blubbering. It gives me a conquering damn feeling of being a devil defending herself saying “I didn’t tell you to do it”.

And alas, it's already said and done..

So what you think?!

Today in iThink on FaceBook I wrote these..


In Relationships:
Any story that starts with "2 friends", ends with a choice and a tragedy.

In Religion & Spirituality:
It's not pronounced as izlam... its islam...

In Music:
Some songs hurt, not because they happened, but because they did not.

I Am A Muslim..

B offered me this video which I simply loved, and wished to share with everybody.
Its done for the "Muslim American Society".. watch and enjoy :)