Monday, May 09, 2005

A quest..

Away for over a month, from my dearest bloggie *not very very far.. only one URL away*

Over this month I was trying to figure out an identity..
In Arabic I cry and laugh.. In Arabic I scream and blubber.. In Arabic I understand and talk.. Yet express myself in English.. and I wonder WHY!!
I felt astray.. as if starting a state of losing myself in a merry-go-round of circle of my own foreign words.. Paralyzed no matter how far I walk, seems way behind my real self.

And after the strong oath I took, on starting the journey to fulfill the quest *to seek myself through my native tongue* my insight was blurred again by my passion for the latten letters that wrote the 1st chapters of my book.. and still on a wait to write the rest..

So I am returning back, after the beam of light I saw in my horizons, with a bitter sweet aching in my heart..



Time to go… 73's

3 Comments:

Blogger Steliano Ponticos said...

I find this very interesting but I don't know what to say. You have raised very hard questions..I think I could not answer them like this but you sure have got me thinking...allow just to give my impressions:

as you know I am arab-greek so identity and language touch me.

I love arabic but I want to say that everyone forgets that we all have a medeterranean identity and expressing ourselves in many language is something so particular to the peoples of our region. I also want to say that different identities are rarely contradictory.

Still..I want to say that I personally think the key to identity is history and above all the history of art and litterature..

5/09/2005 09:56:00 PM  
Anonymous sherif said...

Hi...
welcome back to the english section...
:)

first i've got to wonder, y is it that your words (especially in english) are filled with a touch(if not loads) of despair ??

i mean, what difference does it make if u express urself in Swa7ili instaed of martian ??

never has the language (or @ least that's what i think) been THE key to one's real self but rather the ideas n' concepts he/she blvs in n is tryin to deliver to the rest of the world...

i'm not sayin that there won't be any difference when switchin the expressing language ( it's pretty obvious that the arabian lang. has been a better media when it comes to sarcasm or expressin sense of humor)......

i know we all speak in arabic but maybe when u're online it's the english that u feel further comfortness expressin urself in english..

just keep up the excellent workn c where'd this lead to..

totalled...
sheryos..

N.B : Did u get accepted in ICIT ??
coz i was kicked straight outa of the door n i'd much envy u then :(...

have fun there..

5/10/2005 12:37:00 AM  
Blogger Lasto adri -- BlueLue said...

dear steli and sheryos..
u could be right both.. languge is but a bridge you take to reach the other side..

yet..myself, i believe NOTHING can express you in the proper way, except the very first words and letters you've been taught as a baby, and grew up with you to form your own identity..

I might run to arabic, english or 7ata sawa7li *nice one :) *
but, there will be something suffocating me still.. i'll be revolving in a maze of certain words i learnt one time..
a state of "one word definition" for any feeling..
not as the variaty you'll have in which ever mother language you posse..

thats WHY.. i feel bad, as i don't have the proper tools of commanding english.. and on the other hand, i am losing my arabic..
GOT ME!?

==> dunno abt this despair part.. i've been told about other synonyms beholding the same flavor of sorrow, sadness, regreat, suppression, opression..
EEK.. a new word is added then..
gota look 4 it!

5/11/2005 12:54:00 AM  

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