Thursday, May 11, 2006

Today my heart feels extra sad…


Forget about people, forget about suffocating time and usual stress.. forget about the normal stupid talks or the random lame actions.. forget about the world’s politics or the internal corrupt..
I know the world would still keep turning and the sun would rise again from the east… but I can’t stop my heart from feeling sadness all thru..
Yesterday we had to give up on our flat to live in that new one that I still can’t love… and today.. my father will sell our car for a new wider one !!

I can still remember the day I opened our x-flat’s balcony, was about 4 or 5 years old, when I saw a small little red car under , my father was outside one door waving with one hand and peeping with the other… when my mother cuddled me in her warm arms and whispered “say hello to our new car..”.. we all were smiling then..
It shared… no.. ‘She’ shared a lot of beautiful memories… 1st time to go to school.. and even 1st day at college… our everyday ride to school with “eza3t el Quran” playing in the morning, and “El bernamg el mosiqi” while going back home!! You know that I loved radios because of that! … it was all about my fascination with the music played in the musical program that I urged my father to buy my 1st pocket radio.. then life went on..

We’ve called ‘her’ many names.. Sometimes “Zoba” according to the old song by Mahmoud Yassin “7elwa ya zoba” .. then changed it to “Batta”.. don’t remember the reason behind that one actually.. and there was “Za2zo2a” as well.. for how small the car looked like between other passing by cars along the way.. but we never cared for how small , beautiful or even modern the car was, as long as it shared our small family’s warmth and laughter’s..
Now…. It would be all gone and buried away except in our hearts..

I remember when we used to go to the beach with our uncles, we used to race who’ll be faster under 80 km/hr.. yeah!.. w enjoyed slow speeds.. it gave us more chance to cheer together!!!
And yeah, the day we had to drive my cousine before her wedding party… it was an extra cool experience peeping all thru the way… and yes I remember now my graduation party drive… now my brother won’t have it .. and his heart is breaking as much as I am, and may be even more..

So sad when you have to give up on what you like and claim its life!! You start by giving up things, then giving up places, people then traits … and at the end you find .. you’ve lost yourself in between..
How dull, stupid, awful and disgusting life is after all.. when I have to give up and forget in order to live.. !!

PS: father, So sorry if I strengthened a feeling towards you… but can’t forgive your new decisions.. can’t forgive you at all…

6 Comments:

Blogger Rain said...

Blue,
I understand the attachment to the past,we always love the past cause we are sure of what we had or how we felt then , it's the memory that you're very sure of , u already had it , it's not an illusion so we try very hard to keep it.

But to tell you the truth , if u give it much thought , u'll understand that u're the one who made the memory special not anything not anyone ...so why can't u open up for the new memories that are waiting ?? new possiblities...future will be past as well , try making the best out of it.

5/11/2006 10:19:00 AM  
Blogger Jia Li said...

Blue how I miss you

5/11/2006 10:54:00 PM  
Blogger Dananeer said...

So sad when you have to give up on what you like and claim its life!! You start by giving up things, then giving up places, people then traits … and at the end you find .. you’ve lost yourself in between..
.................
yaah ya blue
i wanted to comment long time ago but didn't manage to express what it felt
i'm scared to death when i feel i may have to give anything i used to have close
specially the idea of losing my gra'ma and losing my hoe where i used to live and find safe and relieve
i know it may be funny for some people
this relationship between us and things
when they redecorate the place and i wasn't there
and know suddenly i couldn't help crying
i back look to these strange stupid walls
feel they steel my memories and my place..
hope i can say something give u relive
but as long as u keep carry memories and pictures in ur heart
u can back to them
and wish u have many new good ones in ur new flat and ur new za2zo2a

5/21/2006 03:26:00 PM  
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