The universe and me

Everyday I got to suffer the same thing. I can not get along with the folk in my office. Everyday I have to ask my colleagues if anybody needs a company, so I can spend my break with them. Hang out together, eat something, have a chit chat….

Every-other-day, I got to ask.. then ask.. then ask..

No body thinks of asking me even once for the same, and each day I end up believing "I am a boring person, and no body wants to spend time with me."..

 

I might have different views, different hobbies; but I am sure I am not by any means a boring person (at least, as far as I am concerned). Yet, I am not sure why I meet this rejection every now and then.

I hate spending the break alone. I wish to talk to people. Ask them about the companies' news, or even outside gossip. I want to eat with somebody or walk in the mall and visit new shops.

But this never happens.

 

Sometimes I remember when I was a kid in school; I used to have the same thing. I was not a popular person, though survived with few friends after all.

And those, I am not sure now if we are friends or not. Because we do not act like friends do. We don't ask about each others frequently, we don't chit chat this much and we don't hang out very often.

My best friend is getting married very soon, and I am not sure if I am invited or not till now :) I don't even know if she bought her dress or not yet.

 

Sometimes I try hard to love the universe. But some times of these times I believe… the universe does not love me..

Creative routine

Today, for the first time in many months, I was able to sit at my computer, for more than 1 hr to finish reading an ebook. I find it quite hectic most of the times, to sit still reading on an electronic screen. It hurts my eyes, and make me feel awkward for doing 1 task at a time. Somehow my work is ruining my nervous system by going through all the multitasking routines EVERYDAY.

But today I did it and read “Time management for creative people”. Not only because its interesting and easy piece of work, but –most importantly- because I need such lifting up writings. I feel I am wasting my time and accomplishing nothing. I have no “clear” dream for the future, and I don’t even have a start to start my search. I work from 9-6, that leaves less time for myself.

This book helped me to re-think about my life.
Yes, I do check my email a lot. I am not organized when it comes to my to-do list. I don’t know a way for inspiration yet. I wake up very late. I don’t have a healthy routine. I don’t have a comfort zone. Gosh! Everything is done at anytime, with all the interrupts and distraction you can ever think of. My mobile, emails, music, people shouting, IM’s, TV.. etc. by God’s sack, I never prioritize and I never tried to be on top of anything to love it!..

This book is a good start I believe, for anyone wishing to know about simple techniques on the run. Not sure if it would work with either me or any of you, but I do believe it got something to say, something to point out and something to alert us that there is something going wrong.

Enjoy the reading.

Movie: The joy luck club

15 mins ago, I just finished watching the movie "The joy luck club". Frankly, I have no clue what does the name got to do with any thing concerning the movie, but I bet it is still worth seeing. It's not superb. It's not fabulous. Strange belief being discussed, mm, Chinese kind of believes, and its.. mmm... strange in a way.

The film is simply about the story of 4 Chinese women, their 4 daughters and their grandmothers, narrated by the women and their daughters.
I enjoyed living thru this. It's honest and beautiful. Simple and tranquil with a human touch.

Well, I do -very- recommend this movie to any one interested in "Details" and "Tangled stories".

The flickr tag..

Rules:

a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker.

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One Word to describe you.
12. Your flickr name.

Phases of me

When I was young, my mother told me “don’t keep what you won’t use again”.
I used to be a very un-organized kid. E7m :$ I believe I am still so… bas anyhow.. ever since then, I liked the attitude of throwing things I won’t use. And it worked.
Every time I felt low, I opened my cupboard and throw things away.

But the habit evolved, and I no longer get rid of things -only-, but get rid of emails, clothes, feelings, memories sometimes -as well-.

Nonetheless, there came my dilemma. I forget things very easily, and so I get rid of stuff I could use later on, but alas.. when "later on" comes, I would have already got rid of things!

Now every month I got to suffer the same trouble at work. Searching for emails I have already deleted by mistake, in my monthly throwing away phase :D

She got to admit

She amazes me every time I find this look in her eyes, and I wonder why she wishes that hard to make us friends.
Competitive she is. But I would never give her the chance :)
Me and her totally different; Socially, mentally, life style… etc. and its not meant for arrogance, but me and her can never make friends one day.
I tried before once and twice, but its hard to be with someone you don’t feel comfortable with, you feel there is something s/her trying to reach.
Yet what amazes me more her stubbornness to achieve what she wants though she believes as good as I do that me and her = a pathetic relationship.
Yeah yeah! That is pathetic…

May be she thinks I might be her enemy?
I think so sometimes, and this way she tries to turn an enemy into a friend.
But if so, then she got to understand I am not her enemy. I don’t care if she took A, and me straight B’s. in fact, I see me more a B girl than an A one.
Me only a girl who wishes to live her life as simple as that. No big dreams. No complicated wishes. no worries. No envies. No inner wars. No fights for fake lights.


I feel sad for her sometimes. But most of the other times, I wish I could punch her in the face, to let go of all the accumulated feelings towards her, and then she or me can rest in peace forever.

Blessed (‘’,)

More and more, I turn into a less talkative person. Words loses its meaning, when you have a lot to say. That’s true. Especially when you begin to listen more than you talk. You find that talking is an arrogant habit.
People show off with words..

Lately I feel, I’m more “motasal7a m3 nafsi”..

And on top of the world..