Call it whatever!!

I don't know how to start my words, What should I say!.. Tomorrow should be my finial exam *in sha2 ALLAH*.. AND my going out has been screwed for some ignorant poking person I began to hate from all of my heart -though I got no relation with- but somehow, he gained my curses already!!!
Couple of hours and the day is over -thought I didn't start studying till this moment- I am just fed UP!! Horrible place, horrible people, horrible subjects!! And so I'm watching "Love Story" now :D It looks ridiculously nonsense to watch it at the moment.. yeah, I know..
But feeling terribly bored to death makes me wish to do anything!
Today morning I got a 2nd good news of a kind, it made me so happy, YA, I admit. But GOD, I want to finish my studies –as an engineer- for good; I want to start a new into the field I LIKE -Which by any means not communication dept.-
Whatever now, I just cross my finger to pass the coming years so I won’t have to re-do it again.
Bye for now!

To Livy :)

Random-ness of thoughts :S

It’s just when you feel you need to step off the bus, go wherever; don’t matter, as long as you’ll be with own self. You feel you need an urgent talk mixed with pure silence to compose a new life’s symphony. You think of your own bubble, your days, your friends, your stuff and things and wonder where your own thoughts have gone. Why you feel you are not the same person you’ve known for long? Why had you all of a sudden got bored from playing the game? Then you ask yourself: is it really “all of a sudden” or is it a normal consequence for series of attitudes you’ve been doing lately?!

Today do I hate myself?
If YES, then why?!
And if NO, then why on earth do I feel this way?!

A one way irritating question to keep on asking over and over, and when you’re done; you repeat it from the start.
What is wrong and what is right? Do I have to go on the way I am going on because its my way? Or do I have to change as life changes because that’s how the life goes? Do I need to be someone new everyday? And why they don’t leave me to be myself?!

UGH! I hate this status when I don’t know what I want, what I need and what I have to do. Pieces of a blurred vision I see..

I’ll go now… but leave ya with this picture I really adore by my blogger friend "Kareem" from his Blog “SnapShots”.. Its awesome, good job Kareem, U R a real artist

Michy, I like it as well :)

Guess I'd be back again,, doubting to have lots of fun.. But at least there is an intention to try smiling :) :)

Miss my Blog ALOT

SO THE COUNT DOWN IS ON

ANYONE WHO PASSES BY THIS NOTE: MUST PRAY FOR ME
Tomorrow is the final MICROWAVES exam and I am already feeling sick and horrible.. this subject truly, really, deeply SUCKS! I HATE it, HATE the doctors and sub-teachers, HATED myself as well!!
Wonder why they torture us with Too many numbers and equations… un-defined relations AND mysterious applications THAT …… UGH!!! I guess I am going mad already –excuse me- I need to blubber out how I’m feeling..
JUST PRAY and PRAY!

C YA IN A BETTER MOOOOOD..
OFF NOW BYE

As quick as anything

And after what I’ve seen or read from all the people, specially those ones.. Z-Jezzy (for the post on Z-Tok forum).. Nan (for her wishes).. NoNosh (for the post on Slang forum).. AG.. Z-Mizo (I believe I don’t deserve the poetry U wrote: $ that was too much for me).. Shex.. DXer.. Negm.. Nouran7..
I am out of words people for the love I’ve seen without any mutual benefits.. Friendship for the sake of friendship.. and that’s how I cherish it even more :)
Wish we’d be together always and always. and till forever the name RCLF will always rings a bell in my book of memories :)

************

This Friday as my usual I emailed OK this email:
Dear Ossama,
I wonder how to start my words, for this year is different, at least for me. It started all 21 years ago, the 2nd Friday, the 11th of January 1985, your show firstly launched through out the country and I was firstly heard in this universe; walking the same footsteps with the show. People we’ve lost and people we’ve met by chance and happy to know; Mistakes we’ve made and lessons we’ve learnt; Tears we’ve shed sometimes and smiles we’re happy to keep along the way; Stars we’ve caught and shadows we tried to escape.
And what can I add more, It makes me proud, it makes me glad knowing that me and the show were born on the very same day and it makes me sad knowing accidentally only 2 years ago …However, as I am starting another phase, turning another chapter in the book of life, entering the age of maturity, filled with wonders, ponders and expectations for what to come, I wish –deep in my heart- that this moment would last as long as our lives would take.. for till my forever would come, I’ll be cherishing the precious memories I’ve had with the show -and the radio in general- like the warmth of having a family around, or like a tree forever grows.
Happy 21th anniversary for “late night Cartoon”.. And happy Birthday to me..
URS always and always;
Bluelue … X-BlueBerry

************

What else… Yaaah! Jia’s painting.. Violet and Blueeeee my favorite colors..

Thank You Mich Loads for working on it for me.. its really REALLY my pleasure.

************

I don’t remember the rest of things I wished to add, or probably because in the hurry I am I want to goooo NOW!!
One point.. if anyone saw me online till the 18th of jan.. PLZ do not talk to me.. let me just go and continue STUDY.. this subject is really HORRIBLE

BYE for now

A smile and a Tear.. Thats the way life goes on..

And what I can say: PEOPLE I had the best BIRTHDAAAAY.. !!
I should have been feeling blue because of the late incident.. but things happened as if people collaborated to cheer me UP, really UP UP very high…
At 12 midnight, there was a flood of SMSes and rings all thru the house from really the best guys n gals I’ve ever knew.. I loved it true especially 1 dear of all who always make it a grand glorious night for me…
Next morning, I wake up to find my mother trying to compensate not having a Feast this year; she was actually baking a choco cake for meeeee….
Then her aunt *who’s highly regarded as my grandmother, since I had none* gave me a buzz and she DID SING for meeee… HURRAAAAAAAAY… !! she drew a wide shining smile on my face *had I ever told you she got a voice exactly like Abla fadela. That’s why I love to talk to her even mooooree..*

My O MY! I logged online, to find 2 special things waiting for me..
An ecard from Tee, saying these words..
“ Happy birthday, may it’s not ur best ever, but still, u being introduced to this world is an occasion to be remembered. Ps: u’r 21 NOW, hats up for ur newly acquired rights :D ”
May be knowing you and Sheryos as well in our 20 is one of the best things happened the last year.. and may we always be together till 21.. 23.. 30.. 65… and forever more isA.. and may E4E and (The Joking corner) come true :)

And the 2nd surprise of all was from AG.. he wrote me that entry on his blog:
“ My Friend;
It’s been a couple of years since I first knew you ,I remember back then although you were the youngest among us ,you were always ahead of ur age ,active , social , a good contributor, always siding to the right side, & u’ve got a very nice sense of humor. As time passes by most of us got engaged in his own life , u grew older & wiser & life as it did on us all left some imprints of gloom on u which molted that talent of yours into a very inspiring talent indeed giving you more creditability & realism ,Well I have this little statement my friend ; it’s been wonderful having a friend like you ,although we never met but knowing u really made a difference in my life reading ur blog sometimes makes my day, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY may GOD bless u & grant u success ,wisdom & true happiness, Shine on , Ur Bro “
There and I was speechless..
I know deep inside me NOW, as I remember my past years, that I am blessed *though I wonder the reason still ;P * .. but knowing people like U AG and the rest of the gang is really one thing I should thank God for day and night… :)
U Truly made my day with those little words of yours, and I don’t know now how to thank you..
I wish you live blessed and happy ever after with the one and only one U’d choose in sha2 ALLAH.. Grand you health and wealth.. and love to be cherished from all the people around you a life long..

AND by the way.. I knew that Jia li made me a painting as a birthday present.. that I am dying to see … :) .. so till I got to know it, and share it with you here I’d like to thank Jiaaaa, OOOO, and Slooooo *the best blogger friends I ever got* .. for the beautiful night chit-chat we had in my 20 and above all, for knowing them ..

And special thanks goes to: Mona El-Sa7ar, GoGosh, NokNok, Negm, Moonlight, Zee-Alien, Mahr, Habahebo, Wahba, Bavalova, Mai and Ba3ko :P

Cheers;

URS;

officially 21 ;)

-----------

(Updates thru the day):

Guys I am already having a happy tears falling.. YOU MADE THE BEST BIRTHDAAAY!!!
I just received this email from Shex…. I am stuck out of words … TRUE I AM..
“ Dearest BlueBerry,

Here I am, On the road again
There I am, Up on the stage
Here I go, Playn' star again
There I go, Turn the page

A few hours ago, another page of your life was turned over; a page written with sweet and bitter events. A page of 365 lines of people you met, people you lost, memories you’ll cherish the most and others you’ll spend you life trying to get ride of them.

But your thoughts will soon be wandering
The way they always do
When you're ridin' sixteen hours
And there's nothin' much to do
And you don't feel much like ridin'
You just wish the trip was through

Sometimes we got lost in the void; the void inside and the one surrounding. Sometimes we reach that point of no-turning-back. Sometimes we really wish the trip was through!! That’s when we need someone to share the void within, a shoulder to cry on, a smile to be curved upon our faces helping us moving on… on the road again.
A friend once told me “The New Year doesn't bring happiness with it. It only gives us a chance to reconsider things in our lives and start brining happiness to ourselves, people around, our community, and our world.” That’s why I wanted to say “Thank You” for bringing happiness to my life the past year. I will never forget those days, I opened your blog with a gloomy mood and left it with a wide smile on my face brightening the rest of the day.
I cherished those days the most & will always cherish you my friend.
Thank you for sharing the void with me, even for a few moments of my life. It really made a difference!!
Wish you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY & a Prosperous life to live!!
Shex”



Ah, how could I ever forget Mr.DXer’s wishes and his 5 years old neice sweet flowers (f)… Last but not least (for this hour) Amir, BiBo and Nan (alex gal)……

...

I don’t know what I am supposed to be writing today. I feel I want to write anything, but thoughts are running fast and words are blocked. I was supposed to feel happy, tomorrow is the 1st feast’s days, and 2 days from now I’d be 21 .. leave aside studying “microwaves” that is really really getting on my nerve, but… we just had the news that my cousin passed away *ALLAh yer7amo*.. I mean, the least expected ever…. Full stop..

I know, I shouldn’t be saying the above, anyone is subjected to death any time, but you know when you feel suddenly you’re shocked.. or ah.. let me say it.. Surprised.. or no no.. I mean it’s a time when you can’t define specifically if you are wide awake or sleeping. You feel you are suddenly surrounded by empty souls. He was there, but there no more!!
I still remember the last time he visited us, and the small portrait we still hang over the wall.. mm.. I remember when he used to take us in a ride in his green car with his kids.. Ah! I loved his kids.. N , K, and the twins.. I remember when he used to came back every year from his travel abroad, and the presents he insisted to bring, even though our begs not to over load himself.. my small blue organ he gave me.. that was my 1st time to know my musical talents..
I don’t know, but things are just passing in front of my eyes at the moment on the edge of my eagerness to cry, but I wonder why I am holding on though my father did!

Un-expectedly I asked “father, what’s wrong? What they told you in the phone??”
“Dr. M. passed away..” he replied..
“Who? .. Dr. M. who?”.. but this time his reply was all tears.. my father couldn’t imagine his all life long intimate just gone, and without goodbyes..

Tomorrow should be the 1st day in the feast.. but tomorrow would be the saddest we’ve ever lived.. for “he” wasn’t only my biggest cousin.. but the dearest in our family, my big brother, highly regarded as my father.. my papa’s all life friend and a good man who lived sometime to leave good memories for all the people around..
May God rest his soul in peace, and be with his kids..

Salamo alikom.. and Happy feast if you are going to celebrate.. My best wishes to you..
And sorry for the gloomy atmosphere.. C’est la vie, excuse me please

وإنا لله وإنا إليه راجعون

Wonder why I am in that mood Today.. Talk to You next post isA..


Ah, make the most of what we yet may spend,
Before we too into the Dust descend;
Dust into Dust, and under Dust to lie,
Sans Wine, sans Song, sans Singer, and--sans End!


There was the Door to which I found no Key;
There was the Veil through which I might not see:
Some little talk awhile of ME and THEE
There was--and then no more of THEE and ME.


When You and I behind the Veil are past,
Oh, but the long, long while the World shall last,
Which of our Coming and Departure heeds
As the Sea's self should heed a pebble-cast.


Of threats of Hell and Hopes of Paradise!
One thing at least is certain--This Life flies;
One thing is certain and the rest is Lies;
The Flower that once has blown for ever dies.


The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it.


With Earth's first Clay They did the Last Man knead,
And there of the Last Harvest sow'd the Seed:
And the first Morning of Creation wrote
What the Last Dawn of Reckoning shall read.



The Rubaiyat of Omar El Khayyam
Translated by Edward J. Fitzgerald

A reply..

In answer to Al Sharief’s question: “why you love this "love story"?? The Crush? The Commitment? The Challenge? The Sadness? Dystaney? "

And so I’d reply:
I haven’t sincerely thought of answering such question before. In fact I never thought why I love/hate something in particular before; I only go after my instinct and never fetch reasons. However, I’ll try to brainstorm in this post.

For long I had this wondering “who’d remember me when I’m not here anymore?” that sometimes I wished that I’d be able to watch people after I die. I know its one gloomy wish to ask for, but…
And look at it this way “What can you say about a twenty-five-year-old girl who died?” A young man’s grief over his beloved *who turned his wife there after* forced him to write a novel for her remembrance. Imagine its a true story; imagine that a “He” whoever he is, wrote a novel only to let the whole world remember “Her” whoever she is, every morning! The idea itself is amazing..

Even further more, I remember when I was a kid *before reading the novel* I heard this famous quote out of it “'Love means not ever having to say you're sorry.”.. then I wondered, is it because when you are in love you have a forgiving heart or because you don’t intentionally try to hurt your partner? I mean is it the action or the reaction that counts?
Then I found the answer its Love Vs. Sorry.. in such a great epic, the word "sorry" itself got no place to exist.. that’s how I felt it..

Even when I reached that line at the end “And then I did what I had never done in his presence, much less in his arms. I cried.” .
The son-father relationship is perfectly put in this novel. I like how he resisted his father to reach out his girl, giving up nearly everything, yet in the end the relationship itself, which was the core of the novel’s dilemma, conquered all. You know when I saw the movie I didn’t focus, or may be I didn’t see this scene this way. Actually most of us were over filled with emotions concerning the “She” dying, but “He” crying was out of our interests!! Nonetheless while reading, I thought of it from a different perspective I haven’t noticed before..

You might accuse me of being a dreamy romantic person, but tell you something, I saw the Arabic imitation (7abebi da2man) but I didn’t like it despite the more romantic atmosphere they tried to add. The background music, the over loving couple, even “Her” death by the sea shore contradicting her normal death in a hospital in the original novel and the lavish luxurious life they had… blah blah..
I just loved it as simple and as ordinary as it was in “Love story”..

You know, years I’ve lived with indescribable impact on me. To the extend that for a while I stopped writing but short stories ending with yet another hereon died!! and still I imagine myself dead sometimes..
Some might say the story is over used –especially for our generation- probably if it was back in the 70’s when it was primarily produced things would have been a little bit different, but I truly doubt. For one thing I’d never forget whenever I see anything connected to that particular story: the twinkles I saw in my mother’s eyes when she 1st introduced the story to me, and the tears I saw when we were sitting watching it together *though she saw it before in theaters* .. it just reminds me with the very same twinkles and tears in every girl’s eyes who is still looking for a dream she keeps in her little heart no matter how old or what nationality she might be..

Sorry for the over detailed reply…
All the best from me to you..

Getting out of this!!!

It just happened that I wake up today to do some work needed by a friend, then I thought of wondering a bit online. Its been 2 days after my 2nd exam and I need to relax before my 3rd exam and the hardest of all *as you can guess, microwaveeeees :S, w rabna yestor*
Nothing serious happened during the passed days, could be nothing at all. But somehow I am feeling over joyed *thanks to ALLAH*.. to the point I wake up today humming another favorite musical piece “Love story” ..

Good God! Its been 2 days I am searching for this book “Love Story” by “Erich Segal” but of no use!!

I’ve seen that movie more than 3 times and even read the novel twice so far; but somehow I wish to keep the moments of pure feelings I’ve lived through out this story with me forever.

So just a call for help, get me out of this misery, if any one can find me a version for this novel in whichever format and a way to download the movie, I’d be even more than thankful.. **I found it as PDF format, if U want it, I guess U should know who to ask ;) ;) **


Anyways, I’d better go continue studies.. wish me luck :)

PS: please turn your speakers ON * IE users* … I changed the background music from "Romance d'amor" to “love story” theme.. so E.N.J.O.Y

Time to go … 73’s