Monday, January 09, 2006

...

I don’t know what I am supposed to be writing today. I feel I want to write anything, but thoughts are running fast and words are blocked. I was supposed to feel happy, tomorrow is the 1st feast’s days, and 2 days from now I’d be 21 .. leave aside studying “microwaves” that is really really getting on my nerve, but… we just had the news that my cousin passed away *ALLAh yer7amo*.. I mean, the least expected ever…. Full stop..

I know, I shouldn’t be saying the above, anyone is subjected to death any time, but you know when you feel suddenly you’re shocked.. or ah.. let me say it.. Surprised.. or no no.. I mean it’s a time when you can’t define specifically if you are wide awake or sleeping. You feel you are suddenly surrounded by empty souls. He was there, but there no more!!
I still remember the last time he visited us, and the small portrait we still hang over the wall.. mm.. I remember when he used to take us in a ride in his green car with his kids.. Ah! I loved his kids.. N , K, and the twins.. I remember when he used to came back every year from his travel abroad, and the presents he insisted to bring, even though our begs not to over load himself.. my small blue organ he gave me.. that was my 1st time to know my musical talents..
I don’t know, but things are just passing in front of my eyes at the moment on the edge of my eagerness to cry, but I wonder why I am holding on though my father did!

Un-expectedly I asked “father, what’s wrong? What they told you in the phone??”
“Dr. M. passed away..” he replied..
“Who? .. Dr. M. who?”.. but this time his reply was all tears.. my father couldn’t imagine his all life long intimate just gone, and without goodbyes..

Tomorrow should be the 1st day in the feast.. but tomorrow would be the saddest we’ve ever lived.. for “he” wasn’t only my biggest cousin.. but the dearest in our family, my big brother, highly regarded as my father.. my papa’s all life friend and a good man who lived sometime to leave good memories for all the people around..
May God rest his soul in peace, and be with his kids..

Salamo alikom.. and Happy feast if you are going to celebrate.. My best wishes to you..
And sorry for the gloomy atmosphere.. C’est la vie, excuse me please

وإنا لله وإنا إليه راجعون

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