Thursday, August 09, 2007

Not in the mood for love..

“what? You love me?” she asked, “no I don’t” so I replied, then we continued walking..

I was amazed at the sudden question my mother asked me after asking her to take care of a hidden hole in the street she might stumble while walking. I was amazed because after 22 years of my life, living between my family members, my mother is doubting that I love her, while the fact I always repeat that she’s my best friend blalala… now, I am, myself, not sure of anything..
mm.. how to say what I feel exactly you think?
I don’t love to love in fact. Hmm.. no, not exactly.. do not love to love in the ordinary way.. I hate such expressions as “I love you”. I hate red hearts, and Romeo kneeling under the balcony singing. I hate buying flowers as a “love” sign. I hate to kiss people on checks and hug too. I rarely do it passionately and true. I hate acting as a teddy bear or “dalo3a”. Gosh!. You can list all the “traditional” forms of “Loving” or “being in love” or “living in a loving atmosphere”, then add “I hate” in front.. and tada.. you’ve got my list complete..

For most of you I’m sure it would sound strange. I’m a romantic person. That’s very true wallahi. A dreamy one too. But I don’t know how to live that for real. How to love aslant.. or no.. how to show love without feeling I’m acting or I’m weak.. I REALLY REALLY hate being weak in love.. being committed too. Being responsible for a certain person.. being a partner…. Yes.. partnership is not my last preference 7ata.. and yes I am a weirdo..

I don’t know if I love me too or not. I don’t know. Just like anybody else. I really love my mother ya3ni.. no question about that.. but I don’t know how to show it. I thought she should understand that by her own. Though to tell you the truth.. sometimes I don’t know 7ata if I love her that much or not… begad.. I feel confused about the term itself.. and I don’t know what do I want aslan.. and I feel afraid...

Just talking.. not wishing for a conclusion or a cure… just talking.. so I need..


Blogger MQabbani said...

should i say the same!!!

i hate to be weak and hate love , about mom ,
unfortunately, once she asked me and say it

mom do love me!!! am like Ops and bad feel or something inside me say !!!! wow am that bad to show that,

answer her: mom am you only son and yeah i love u ,
she's like smile and reply back

so its look like sometimes they doubt , or like to hear it

8/09/2007 09:36:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I totally agree with you. I can't stand myself doing all the list mentioned above. But who said that is true love :S
Love is to really care for a person, even if she didn't notice that.. she will someday
so it's alright if you can't express your love, but don't let it appear as neglection cause it will hurt them, just let some so-called weakness in your life :)

ps: when you warned your mother from the hole in the street.. did you feel weakness then?? that was a gesture of love and care..

8/09/2007 11:02:00 AM  
Blogger Ayman El-Sherbiny said...

Talking about ur feelings is sometimes a cure.

Concerning what u said, love can be shown in many other ways than flowers, hearts, and all this stuff, but sometimes it is good to bring ur mom, dad, friend ...etc, a gift, or to tell him/her that u love him/her. u should do this because it is from "berr elwaleedayn" and it really makes them happy. I loooooooooooooooooooooove my mom, and she knows that, but when I tell her "mama ya habebtee ......" she feels very happy.

8/09/2007 04:59:00 PM  
Anonymous JJ said...

yea ... talking ...
that always needs someone to listen ... but is there anyone who really does ?
or to be more specific ... why is it always hard to find someone who understands ??!

8/09/2007 11:42:00 PM  
Blogger Salma said...

Hi blue!
I totally agree with Ayman in every single word he wrote. We should from time to time show our love, not only by words but also by actions especially when it comes to parents b'coz it is an act of "berr el waleden". You can buy your mom a very simple thing you know she loves it or needs it in a normal day and see how her eyes will twinkle so happily.

If you sometimes feel weak in love -in my opinion- no matter to be weak infront of your mom and dad and show them how much you love them. Put yourself in their shoes, will it be okay if you doubt your kid's love to you? i think it's a horrible feeling...if you think the same way..Go and show your love come what may.

sorry for writing a so long comment.

8/13/2007 04:03:00 PM  
Blogger Salma said...

ps. Can i add your link to my favourite blogs?

8/13/2007 04:06:00 PM  
Blogger Sharm said...

Hi there,

You are chosen to represent your country in the first international blog
WUB (World United Bloggers)

The aim of this blog is to prove to the world that differences in language, religion,race and nationality do not make us hate each other and we can make this world better if we express our opinions with respect to others.

If you agree to join us please send e-mail with your nick name , age , country and your blog address to where you will be sent an activation mail which makes you entitled to contribute in WUB, your name as one of the contributor will automatically be updated.Please read the rules before you start any posting in WUB where you will also find the aims of this WUB.

Chief WUB,

Sharm .

8/19/2007 09:24:00 PM  

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