Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Not Back Yet..

On my way back home I was thinking of something pretty interesting, merely “the emptiness of our lives”. *Exactly! Just thinking of the emptiness of life!*

OK, I enjoyed my time today, to start. We had a dish party for iftar with the organizing team members of the ACES conference in collage. That was grand! If you’d see the mountains of food and drink brought there!! And the cheers in people’s tone and smiles!! Even the 2 surprises I met:
1. to know the flyer, the poster and the brochure at last saw the light. And the work of a whole summer vacation is finally printed out and looks gorgeous as well :) *I know our committee deserves all the best ;) *
2. the thing that touched me but never crossed my mind before: to know that some people would know me that much! To find someone coming to you and saying: are you this and that.. then the 2nd to ask.. then the 3rd.. that made me think, who am I for people to care!
However, all in all it was going ALRIGHT! i.e. going fine.. going normal.. going average.. wasn’t superb but going just FINE.. *why are you shouting?!*

If I told you: it wasn’t up to my expectations it would be a lie, because I haven’t thought of it in the 1st place. They informed us there is an iftar together and I said: Hurray! Then I went. I didn’t think either what to bring with me, I didn’t think whom to meet or what to say! I haven’t prepared a speech or ironed my dress and obviously polished my shoe !!
Could be because of the piles of work I am left to do, so I had to block any exterior kind of thoughts or dreams temporarily *wonders for how long* and could be I blocked my thoughts and dreams intentionally and on purpose.

Sometimes you need to feel you don’t feel, or you’d think you can rest from thinking. And may be that was the reason.
How many times I promised myself of things, yet never came true and may be won’t? How many times I convinced myself I am going to have all the fun of the world yet can’t keep any for myself :) ?
Nop, I am not upset or angry again... for I already knew myself this way for long time and I don’t have the will to change.
-- WHY?! *are you asking?*
Even if you are not asking, let me tell you something.. I feel tired. I feel extremely exhausted and wish to have a deep sleep. That feeling has captured me since a time too far away too remember. Then after I wake up I discover that I did nothing after all!
That is the nothingness of life!

You’d walk then you’d run in a race, and wish upon a star to enjoy your time, then you’d discover all of a sudden it wasn’t but a mirage for an illusion you wish to dream of sometime.
OK, its your right to believe in a better future and a prosperous present. Its your right to believe the picture is not as gloomy as I am describing, because IT IS NOT.. but suddenly you’d discover it as some water slipping between your fingers and you’re watching. Or a scented smoke, then it is no where after all..

-- Did I write all that!
-- Looks like I did.

4 Comments:

Anonymous jia said...

I believe in u!

10/25/2005 10:22:00 PM  
Anonymous sheryos said...

Nice to know u enjoyed it !!


And it's preety normal ppl 'd know u, coz u know me now :P

10/26/2005 01:43:00 AM  
Anonymous wonderer said...

"you’d discover all of a sudden it wasn’t but a mirage for an illusion you wish to dream"

You are still 20 ... you are still taking your first step in real life. Keep working, keep moving, keep dreaming and above all ... keep blogging:)))

10/26/2005 10:20:00 PM  
Anonymous Me said...

Dreeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam ya Lasto... and make your dreams move you... no harm in taking a break every now and then... but never lose hope :-)

10/26/2005 11:01:00 PM  

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