Tuesday, January 09, 2007

To that someone..

I began to grow weary...
You have something, then you are fed up with it. You leave something, then you miss it. You decide something, then you regret it.
And in the middle you choose to wait all together. Mostly, you choose it the hard way out. Torturing oneself on purpose, trying to convince yourself everything is so beautiful, waiting for your magical brush, to color it your own way. You try to believe in fairy tales, and think peace might prevail. You tell yourself, "Probably it's not green on the other side, its greener yet. And Tomorrow is but a new day, and the best is yet to come."
You sip hope with your every tea cup, and wait for that someone who'd tell you s/he understood it all, and got what you really meant..

"Dare to dream," you repeat it in your morning while gazing at your mirror but you always forget to whisper "dare to live". Or may be, you didn't really forget..

I was never confused about a thing, as much as I am with life, and its abstracts you pass by on daily bases. No, with every living step!
Life, living, death, happiness, sadness, friendship, love, betrayal, knowledge, universe, us, being, freedom, illusive limits, destiny.. and the list is still too long. Tell me what are these, and what is life? Is it a breath we breathe then its gone?
Yet Tell me 1st, why to ask "why to live?"..

We are born sometime ago, walk into the same route others used for long. Then you find, alas, the big yellowish, gray sign "the end". Sometimes you dream of another, a whole new road, never been tapped by a previous being, to mark a discovery, or prove infinity. However, the commen funny thing in those stories, the sign is the very same, fate that is. May be at times you didn't expect, and may be long after you've visualized the moment hundred times ahead.

True and cruel life is sometimes. Especially when you find those people, dear people, you can't lie in front. You tell them, "I am ok", and they believe you not. They give you the bitter truth on a golden plat, demanding you to accept.
I am one of those who wishes to be lied at. Lie to me, when you know its going to hurt. Lie to me when you know I won't feel ok afterwards. Lie to me and let me really believe tomorrow is a new day, and the best is yet to come. Add me sugar, lots of sugar to my morning coffee, let me dare to dream for real and dare to live. Let me believe faries will choose me out of the billions living to do me magic, and that tomorrow I'll watch my reflections smiling over the ocean, dancing my tango dance though.. Though, I've never met the ocean, or learnt a single move or step.

Me, beautiful. Me loves me. Me proud of me. Me .. Me hates me sometimes. Sometimes and sometimes a lot.

"Don't worry," I tell you and myself. The storm will soon go calm, the windmills' rage will quit, and lights will all go quitly dim. A moment of scilent will seperate me and the next moment when I'd find me left again with those stupid questions in my head.
"why all that?" and a big *full stop*..


"Sonnet of the woods" by "Yuhki Kuramoto", really tells..


PS: The above image is originally not mine. However, I signed with "On My Own..." for the framing and special effects on photoshop CS2.

10 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh WOW! ...how beautiful.
I want to read it again and again.

1/09/2007 08:36:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seems like your inspiration reaches its peak with exams :)

Anyway I think life is more about asking the right questions instead of attempting to answer the wrong ones. But again, right and wrong would differ from one person to the other.

1/09/2007 09:29:00 AM  
Blogger Hechkok said...

Usually we question life and meanings when we are going through something hard or through a change in our life and I think from this post your mind is very crouded but I enjoyed reading it very much and if your crouded mind give such beautiful posts lets keep it crouded.

1/09/2007 10:14:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi blue

i dunno if i said it before
but ur blogs ar of the best blogs i've ever been to

1/09/2007 09:56:00 PM  
Anonymous JJ said...

I just returned a few minutes ago ... and amid all the laughter, I had that exact feeling inside of me but just shook it off.
I have been torturing myself.
And u know sth .. I have been shaking a lot of things off for just tooo long. Exactly as if u r running from sth .. and its damn stupid when u r running from ur own thoughts.

1/09/2007 11:09:00 PM  
Blogger Lasto-adri *Blue* said...

@ NEsrina: My pleasure akeeed

@Minesweeper: Yah, but even if you kow the right and the wrong ones, you know, sometimes you can't stop yourself from asking the wrong ones, on purpose..

@hechkok: 7araaam... When i go there bab2a mesh kowaysa 5als ya hechkok... l2, dont ever wish me to be keda..

@masry: thank U for your kind words :)

@ jj: he didn't lie who said "you can run, but you can't hide"..
and yes "..its damn stupid when u r running from ur own thoughts."
bas enta 3arf, bgd sometimes,,, byb2a nfsi asad2 ay 7aga to stop the nags...

1/10/2007 12:11:00 AM  
Blogger Dananeer said...

i don't have answers
i don't even know exactly what i feel after reading it
does it hurt?or does it feels so sad and worm?
really beautiful
but keep on repeating ur words
I'll try to remember them whenever i look in the mirror

1/10/2007 07:18:00 AM  
Blogger Hechkok said...

7ader khalas I wont wish that but just from time to time to be able to write these posts . ok ?

1/10/2007 10:33:00 AM  
Anonymous JJ said...

"byb2a nfsi asad2 ay 7aga to stop the nags..."
But at the end .. they are just like .. sedatives I may say
And once u have ur moment of truth .. everything will be clear .. a manifesting misery
But who cares .. I just use these sedatives too

1/10/2007 12:48:00 PM  
Anonymous The Eyewitness said...

I know my comments are always late Lasto, but it is better than never. It is really a special post, it seems to be really deep out of your heart.
I just have one thing to tell, may be it relates to you by any meaning may be it doesn't. I think we are all here, we are alife, because we are loved. Without being loved by god, we would have never existed.

1/14/2007 06:33:00 PM  

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