Monday, November 14, 2005

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My life is turning into a jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces. Between assumptions and expectations; worries and certainty I am losing the way. Last couple of days, nagging issues were imposing there existence every where I go, suppressing my free thoughts to breath! I reached the peak when I couldn’t control things anymore; then steadily holding the problem seeking my relief.
So asking my mind with silence as a reply; couldn’t give me clues for how to reach the clues itself! Trembling for a while, that’s how I felt, with a deep anger. Hate it when I feel that lost. Hate it when I can’t figure out the signs along my sight. Hate it when I have to hate.
Knocking heart asking, yet I felt even worst! Thoughts are blurred with a fuzzy picture of a smile. Shadows of good times and laughter hanging along the road. I can’t work fine with such kind of problems. I remember half the picture and leave the rest; or neglect it *if I’d admit*.

Tell me; how to know what is wrong and what is right?! how to decide which way to choose if all ways are blocked?! And if I am drifting aimlessly taken by clashing waves; how could I find my way home?
I am just a human; I make mistakes; that’s true! Yet tell me how to stop my inner self torture.
And if I knew your answer; tell me: will I like it?!
I can’t handle a new hurt to pass by my life, I’ve seen a lot before. Different portraits for the same faces in my every nightmare.

I’ve lost before, I’ve lost and I’ve cried. I convinced myself I am too strong to face the world alone. Yet sometimes I discover I am not. If it weren’t for the pride I keep for myself, I would have stated clear the wonders truing my life upside down!
Expectedly, I feel weak in such a way I fight for a word to ease my mind. Expectedly I feel thirsty in such a way I seek dreams won’t come true.
Some cases can pass by time, but looks mine is left to stay un-resolved at least for the time being.

Heart, don't fail me now!
Courage, don't desert me!
Don't turn back now that we're here
People always say
Life is full of choices
No one ever mentions fear!
One step at a time,
One hope, then another
Who knows where this road may go
Back to who I was
On to find my future,
Things my heart still needs to know
Yes, let this be a sign!
Let this road be mine!
Courage see me through
Heart I'm trusting you
To bring me home...
At last! (#)

(#) From the cartoon movie “Anastasia” OST
Aaliyah - Journey to the Past


Anonymous Al Sharief said...

WOW ya "Lasto Adry". Beautifull expression for the time of choosing.
You know i've always insisted in calling you "Tadry" and I'm still convinced that you are. By far because you know it very well when you are at a loss. And that's a blessing.

For some reason I was a bit concerned when I stopped at your "Busy Busy Busy Bee" Post. May be it should have been "Three Busy Bees", But you are only ONE not "Three". I know you meant to post it as "Triple Busy Bee" or a "Super Super Busy Bee"?!! Slow Down Girl. To go home you need to stop, still, and love home.

You Love the new home and the road(S)that it may take you home.

For Now, Just Float , Float and Float.

And when you can Take a deep deep deep long breath.

And when you can, dive again under the waves to get one pearl at a time.

You may get lucky and get two or three pearls at the same dive.

Collect enough pearls that you think are enough to equal your pride.

Then Go Home. You will know the way. by then. Love & Enjoy the road. love & enjoy the new Home. At home again, Dare to Dream again, for another storm and clashing waves.

You Know Ya Tadry :)

11/14/2005 11:40:00 PM  
Anonymous sheryos said...

WoW !! such strong case of feelings well translated by words leave my away with nothing to say but... you know where to find an ear !! (favor's return)...

Nobody likes when he/she's not in control of his own distney, but it's not like this is THE crossroads of a lifetime...

I think it's pretty usual that sometimes ur heart and mind 'd have no answers, it's just then that u turn to ur instincts.. may they guide you...

11/15/2005 12:06:00 AM  
Anonymous Bibo said...

it is so beatiful when feelings could turn into worlds,when u feel how the other feel,and touched by his confusion ,and even share it sometimes,it really touched ya blue.

11/15/2005 12:51:00 AM  
Anonymous Nightlegend said...

how to know what is wrong and what is right?!
-use your heart and mind together ,and you will find the way.

how to decide which way to choose if all ways are blocked?!
-there's nothing exactly like that ,usually when we think that all the roads are closed and we have nowhere to and no route to take it simplymeans we are not looking at the problem from the right point of view ,you have to think and rethink again about these issues you are having and try to find ideal or semi ideal solutions.

When we lose something or someone during our life time this is just one of the life's sides that we have to accept same as good and cheerful sides ,you don't have to torure yourself ,this is life as I said ,go on while knowing that as long as there's a breath echoing inside you you will still be able to love and be loved.

11/15/2005 06:47:00 AM  
Anonymous Olivia said...

Dear Blue,
I don't know what to tell you myself, as I am also at a difficult stage of my life, also listening to the silence for any sign of what to do.
That is all I can do now, and let us trust in God to guide your thoughts.

11/16/2005 03:44:00 AM  
Anonymous nadia imaan said...

Hello there..
We r all in the same boat..and suffer the same
I hope u feel better...
I kno where u r comin from
Tke it eazy..

11/18/2005 01:33:00 AM  

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