Thru a window

This morning, I looked thru the window for some moments, thinking.

"It’s been 4 days now I haven’t blogged. Is it that important in my life to count the days I haven’t written anything? Or is it sort of longing to feel belonging for something?!"
Sometimes I believe that all what I read or write on blogs are pure nonsense. What would I ever gain if I read others’ opinion about what-so-ever?! I mean, I could read an article in a newspaper or listen to analysis for a current situation on radio for example or any multimedia. I could even just click on CNN.com or BBCworld.com or DW-world.de … just name it. Its only one click away, yet I prefer blogs!!

Other times I ask myself “what do others find so amusing in what I write, to the extend I’d be emailed if I was away for sometime?” Let alone the pouring questions from friends: “did you quit blogging?”
“no I didn’t.. but I don’t find something interesting to talk about though.”

Almost each time before I post something new, I have to read out-loud things and listen as if its for anyone but me. And after each time I hate what I write more and more. Some times it ends up deleting it, or rather posting but with gestures of dis-satisfaction. Not because I don’t like what I talk about, NEVER. But simply because I don’t see any sort of entertainment or significant importance. Just talks in the air, and I hate that!

When I was young, I wished to become a radio presenter. And still dreaming a far-fetched dream. As days went by I realized my dream is not truly to become a presenter but rather to touch people so deep, to get to interact with zillions of them to know how to be effective. So it’s a matter of being effective or not, of being important or not, of getting to the core of things or dancing on the surface. And so I dreamt to become a writer someday.
“Did I say a writer?”
Being a writer, then returning to the starting point. To write again and again; simply talks in the air!

-- “and when I die, who’d remember me?!”
-- “you’d be remembered by your kids and their kids after”
-- “but that’s not enough. All people are remembered by their kids and their kids after and one day they are forgot! Is it why we are here for?!”
--“that’s how life goes on” they said.

Friends thought I got nuts already. Asking things that are our lives’ ABCs!!
Then reply me: “if its life ABCs then why do we live hide-and-seek daily between answers and question marks???”

I don’t mind having un-answered questions in mind, provided believing I will ran into the answers someday or provided I won’t be mocked..
And may be the 2nd is why I prefer blogging so far ..