Monday, October 02, 2006

I want an ipod

Today's thought: Bad memories always remain, no matter how hard you try fighting; they always remain stronger. The memory lingers forever, and always rings a bell. Hmm, bad experiences shall always survive and replace your stolen –good- memories always. That is a human nature I learnt.

Myself, I am not that forgiving person thought I might forget. I forget for myself not for you. I forget because I need to forget and stop thinking about these irritating thoughts. Forgiving, was not a good trait of mine, or may be it is. I do not know.

I am not a peaceful person, yeah I’m not. No, I am..
I do not know, as well
Sometimes I am as calm as a summer breeze.. so beautiful, angelic, magical and longed for. Other times I am not. I am not at all. I am the opposite in fact. I hate that.
I hate it today when I thought “I’m up to it and can make it”.. but father, I didn’t forget.

I always look back, remember and live in past. The past for me is always beautiful even if its not. I’ll still remember the beautiful things, or make it up.
Present wasn’t my virture, and future is my sin. I can’t plan for my future well. I do not have the urge to in fact. I do not have the wisdom or will. Yeah..
“Who am I?” I always ask.. not in the question format, but filled with mockery and cynical remarks. “Who am I to dream? Who am I to love and be loved? Who am I to believe my tomorrow would be brighter?!” and when I hear no answer in my head, I lower my sight and start to sing.

I want to have ipod. Whenever I lower my sight I’d find something to hum with; for I got bored.
Yup, I got bored from life and the living. All days look alike with a killing routine, and ticking of some clocks. Ticks imprisoned in some rhyme with no escape.
A universal melody encrypted in some boring rules and routine. A 1 second tick should be with the value of 1 second. An hour is of 60 ones. And there we go.. a week of 7 days and a year of 12 month… a year with more years you are here.. you live.. you breath.. you laugh few or a lot.. you think… you think and brag a lot.. you walk convincing yourself you know, while you are not..
The streets are no longer those tiny routs reaching your destination, but bigger cosmetic… stop for a moment.. look from higher above..

I want to have an ipod, and fill it with all the nonsense of the living and the dead.. notes, music, songs,, passing times without more nags bombarding my head. “Who am I? and what am I to be?” .. I ask.. but hear no answer yet..


Today's melody: Stolen memories (click to download) -- John Williams

Today's quote: "I opened up my eyes, found myself alone, alone, alone above a raging sea, that stole the only girl I loved, and drowned her deep inside of me" -- [Just like heaven]

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