Friday, October 13, 2006

Today’s nonsense corner


Hmm, I got nothing to write for couple of days. Its like, my book of life is having some gaps in between each now and then. White pages. I didn’t learn, I didn’t like, I didn’t hate. I nearly explored nothing. These are the days I hate the most.
Even the days I called my worst. Keeping the memory “I was alive back then”. Had something to write, had something to remember. Now I have nothing. My memory box is empty for a couple of days and so I have to take from my previous disposal. What a pity!

My life. Lol! I keep wondering about life a lot. Life and time. Both share a great rule in my confusion, dissatisfaction, ignorance and even happiness, sometimes. Riddles all through. One day I found few hints leading to the final answer, other days I’m goofing around doing nothing, like these days. When you feel it creeping all through, emptiness is taking place of the previous emptiness, and nothing new.

Hmm, I guess I lost part of my magic lately. I am no longer that creature, in some ways. I’m no longer the shy person I used to be. I like it, giving myself more space to talk, I love talking. I always talk, and mostly love it more when I say the thing in my head on the spot. I can learn by listening, that true. But I don’t think I’ll enjoy it like “trial and error” technique I’m going on. Drop whatever, and wait for the response. Most of the times I feel I’m no longer “Miss know it all” as how my friends used to make me feel. But tell you something. I never loved being “Miss know it all”, or may be I loved it for sometime, when I was much younger, used to brag about being the president of cultural committee in school. Now I wish not to be observed within titles. Nop at all. I wish to be know within small circle, but know me quite well. Get deeper inside me because they wish to know me true, not because they are waiting for a benefit or whatever blessing I might grand. If I ever do!

Friends. The most valuable word I’ve ever heard. The best and the purest. The axis my life revolves around. Funny?! It might be. However, a single word from some one would make me high, another would curse my mood forever and doom me to a living hell. Its not that I can’t live alone. Nop I can, and I love to. It’s all about not waiting for “the friends” to say a thing, but once said, I do not know, miracles happen.

The dearest of all I call “my friends”.. I do not call it except to the ones I truly wish to have in my life. … again!!… “life”..
Life won’t leave me to live in peace! Ever.. Thought of life and time will always play the tangle of thoughts I can’t escape. Questions like “who am I? what am doing here? What’s so special about me? Where will I go after all? The time that leaves where does it head?” will always leave big question marks in my head.

Now I am listening to a CD for the “love story” OST, and Sheryos is telling me how “off the mood” he is these days with nothing in my hand to do. I feel helpless and hate to see him this way.
However, all I have to close the whole “nonsense corner” of today: “welcome gloomy winter nights. Wish not to last long”..

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