Sunday, December 10, 2006

arfana

I’m terribly tired these days and out of my nerves. Try to hold myself up, but can’t. each time I reply and reply vulnerably Kaman! No wonder people are giving me up..
May be that’s better…

I want to shut up.. yes! Closed my mobile 24/7 again, unless for alarm adjust… and unplugged my room phone bl mara. The msn is nearly closed… only left with gtalk, for the stupid project biz…. those who know me, realized I am not talking as much as before now, and became very silly.. not even when I heard the best of news today.. I took it “3adi..”.
Spend hours looking at the nothing on the screen without any proper benefit I can tell…
May be I increased listening to music these days?!
Guess right.. I listen like 24/7, can’t give up anything and everything.. even started listening to Jewish music from unknown places.. what the heck as long as there is something playing beside me..
I have the description to that, but can’t use it… its improper word I guess..

I am not good! Yes…
I wish to put the “shoe” pic as my avatar.. but I don’t wish to bardo… people will start asking “hay what’s wrong!” and I’ll yell in their faces…

My uncle is in the hospital, and probably will go out tomorrow because the doctor said “there is not hope, alas”.. soo, its only a matter of days… I don’t know..
I’ll miss him very… I want to go visit him awi and give him the biggest hug ever and cry with him…. Bas I can’t…
So hard to know you are waiting for….
So hard… I can’t go and see him this way… the last time was a heart breaking time to me….. imagine if I went now..
I hate me for being a coward this way….. ana gabana.. ana gabana awi awi ..

I have to sleep, but I’m sick of having to do list of things..
Have to go to sleep, have to drink, have to eat, to study .. even to breath…

Why don’t we do what we do cause we want to do it? Why always you find limits, boundaries and equations?!
You can’t take the ultimate maximum; instead you have to work out the optimum…

I don’t wish to have your optimum; your pills are no longer working for me…
Really people, get out of my face for the moment….. I hate it to show happy face because I don’t wish to hear the word “malek?!”

Mali, mana zay el fol… wl 7ayah ra23a w a5r enbsat……..

“get the hell out of here” the only phrase that struck in my head with ever fake smile forced to do.. but they can’t understand.. they can’t understand a thing….

W ana gabana awi,,, w da3efa awi,, w 3’abya awi awi awi…..

Give me enough space to breath, if you even force to do it!

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